Derailed
by Freelancer21
Summary: This story is about Sawyer, Kate and four other castaways who struggle to be who they were meant to be…
1. Chapter 1

_Title: Derailed  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairing: Sawyer/ Kate  
Summary: Spoilers for chapter 1: up to 2.09, but I'll use stuff from the newer episodes as they air._

_Warnings: None  
Status of fic: WIP _

_Author's Notes: _This story is about Sawyer, Kate and four other castaways who struggle to be who they were meant to be…

Oh, and English is not my first language, so I apologize for any grammar mistakes.

_#Disclaimer# _

I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to the television show "Lost". They were created by JJ Abrams and Damon Lindelof and they belong to them, Touchstone, and ABC.

A/N: The beginning of this fic is totally based on what happened on the show. But I'll take a different path very soon, I promise.

Thanks for reading!

Jenn

**Derailed**

**Prologue**

His shoulder hurt more and more with every step he took, but he had to keep going. After subconsciously hoping to die on the raft, he'd found out that there was still something strong enough inside him to keep wanting to live.

Kate.

Although their last talk had been less than heart-warming, he wished for nothing else but to see her again. He was under no illusion that it would happen, but if it did, he would tell her why he had decided to get on the raft. He would tell her that there was something worth staying on this island for… Her.

Kate, Kate, Kate, he kept repeating to himself with every painful step, because she was the only thing that kept him going. Only the unreasonable hope of seeing her again prevented him from just letting himself fall to the ground and waiting for the end. That wouldn't take too long, he thought dryly. No one here would raise a finger to help him, and he couldn't blame them.

Kate, he thought once more, as he felt his strength abandoning him. His vision was blurry now and he wasn't even surprised when his knees finally buckled from under him and he collapsed into darkness.

**Chapter 1**

"You may want to move," Jack advised Kate as he got ready to hit the golf ball. Kate and himself had been engaged in a friendly contest to decide who the best golfer was between them. Things hadn't gone too well for him so far, and he was eager to prove his superiority… If she could just move, he thought, raising his eyes to look at her. But the expression on her face wasn't the mocking grin he expected to see.

She was staring, in shock, at something behind him. Quickly, Jack turned around, anticipating to see some wild beast ready to charge him. But it wasn't the case. It took him a second to understand what he was actually looking at: a tall, black man was standing before him. And he was carrying someone on his shoulders. Someone who looked a lot like… Sawyer.

Struggling as he tried to explain the unexpected sight to himself, he opened his mouth to speak. But the man was quicker than he was.

"Where is the doctor?"

"I'm the doctor," Jack replied, still stunned.

Behind him, he heard Kate stifle a sob.

"He needs your help."

Getting into doctor mode, Jack instructed the man to follow him down the path to the hatch. Although he had many questions for the guy, like who the hell was he, for instance, he focused on asking about Sawyer's state of health.

"What happened to him?"

"He was shot in the shoulder."

"Shot?" Jack repeated, surprised. "How did he get shot?"

The tall man looked at him with his deep brown eyes before giving him a short, terrifying answer.

"The Others did it."

"Alright, I'll take it from here," Jack said to the stranger who wordlessly took Sawyer off his shoulders.

"I got him. I got him," Jack repeated when he got a firm hold on Sawyer. He shot a brief glance at the man, wondering if he could trust him to be here in the hatch with them. What if he, himself, was one of those dreaded Others? But something in the stranger made Jack trust him. Anyway, he had more pressing things to do. He started to walk away and Kate finally emerged from her cataleptic state to ask:

"Where are we headed?"

"Bathroom," Jack replied, panting. "He's burning up. We've got to get him in the shower… bring his fever down."

"What can I do?" she wondered out loud, clearly needing to stay busy. Jack understood and nodded.

"Okay, go through the medical stash; there's a bottle of Ofloxacin…"

"Ofloxacin," she repeated, making sure she'd got it.

"Ofloxacin," he confirmed, his back turned to her as he tore Sawyer's shirt off, uncovering the bullet wound. "Little white pills. Bring the alcohol and some gauze patches, and strip that bed and make sure it has clean sheets on it."

Turning around to face her, he noticed she hadn't moved. She was petrified, her eyes glued to the infected area on Sawyer's shoulder.

"Kate!"

She was startled.

"Uh, yeah, yeah," she mumbled to herself as she finally exited the room.

Jack turned back to tend to Sawyer's wound and sighed. It wasn't a pretty view. For a second Jack felt a bit desperate, knowing his chances were slim. If only he could be at the hospital, he'd have a better chance to save him… But he wasn't about to concede defeat yet. His jaw clenched as he admitted to himself how much it'd hurt Kate if Sawyer didn't make it. He had to save him, if only for her.

Locke entered the room, stopping his train of thoughts.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice as calm as ever.

He had barely finished his sentence when they heard the blip sound of the timer.

"John, the button."

Locke quickly walked up the computer and entered the numbers. As he pressed the 'Execute' key, he tried to find a logical explanation for Sawyer's return. But he couldn't figure out any. He wasn't the man to be surprised, but he certainly hadn't expected things to turn out this way.

Preparing to go to Jack again, he caught a glimpse of the stranger examining the Swan Dharma logo. He must have been the one that brought Sawyer back, but who he really was was another story.

Locke sauntered towards the man who turned around when he heard footsteps.

"Hello," Locke greeted him, like it was the most natural thing in the world to do.

"Hello," the man simply replied.

"I'm John Locke. Who are you?"

"My name is Mr Eko." He paused, but then, guessing Locke probably wanted to know more than that, he added: "I was a passenger in the tail section."

Locke raised an interested eyebrow.

"Flight 815?"

Eko nodded.

"Yes."

Locke pondered on the answer for a moment and then said:

"You brought Sawyer back. Were there others with him? Two men? A young boy?"

"Michael and Jin are safe. But the Others took the boy. Walt."

Locke's brow furrowed. So Aaron really wasn't the one the Others wanted… He sighed. Awful things were to come, he sensed it.

"What happened? Out there… what happened?"

"I do not know everything. But I will tell you what I know, Mr Locke."

Hurriedly, Kate rummaged through the medical stash, in search of the antibiotics Jack had asked for. She was trying to calm down, to keep her mind clear so she could be of some help.

Back when the stranger had shown up, she had immediately recognised those blond locks. All her being had wanted nothing other than to walk up to Sawyer, to touch him, to shower the black man with questions. But she had felt paralyzed. What if she'd found out his injury was deadly?

She still was very scared for him, but for now she just wanted to take comfort in the fact that he had returned. She kept telling herself that it would just be too much of an injustice if Sawyer had came back, against all odds, only to die in front of her. Somehow the thought reassured her a little.

She finally found a bottle of white pills, but had a hard time reading the label because of her foggy eyes. Annoyed with herself, she angrily ran her hand over them. It was no time to get emotional. Sawyer needed someone to take care of him efficiently, not someone on the verge of a breakdown. But it was difficult to stop herself from worrying about him. Since their kiss, back when everyone thought he had Shannon's inhalers, she'd suspected she had feelings for him. She didn't like the idea, though; for years she had tried to run away from her past, from what prevented her from being a good person, and now she might be falling for bad boy Sawyer?

She exhaled loudly, knowing that now wasn't the time to analyse her feelings for Sawyer. She tried to remember what Jack had asked for. Alcohol. Gauze patches. She quickly found what she needed and headed to the bedroom. Putting everything down on the bedside table, she quickly changed the sheets and then went back to the bathroom.

Jack had just turned the shower off.

"Good, you're back. Help me, we'll take him to the bunk bed."

Carefully but rapidly, they managed to move Sawyer to the bed. Kate tried to avoid looking at his face; she didn't know if she'd be able to keep her composure if she saw it.

"Go get some water; I'll give him his antibiotics."

She complied and a few seconds later she was back with a glass of water.

"Here you go," she said, handing the glass to Jack. But as she did Sawyer began to tremble. "What's happening?" she asked, trying not to sound panicked. "Why is he shaking?"

"He's septic. The infection's gotten into the blood stream. If the antibiotics don't bring the fever down he'll go into shock. Hold him up," Jack asked as he took a pill from the small bottle.

Without hesitation, Kate climbed into the bed, behind Sawyer, pushing him into a sitting position. She stayed there, his head resting on her chest.

"Okay, I've got him."

Immediately, Jack put a pill in Sawyer's mouth and poured some water in.

"Swallow it, swallow it, swallow it," Jack encouraged him, but Sawyer coughed it out.

"I'll do it," Kate suggested.

Jack tiredly shook his head.

"No, no, I've got it."

"I can do it," she insisted, holding out her hand to him. She knew she could do this. Jack finally nodded doubtfully and placed the pill in her waiting hand.

Kate moved a little to her left until her mouth was directly in front of Sawyer's ear.  
"Sawyer?" she said quietly, stroking his hair. "Hey, you have to listen to me, okay? The only way that you are going to get better is if you take this pill. So I want you to swallow it, okay? Okay, here we go."

Oblivious to Jack's presence, she put the pill in his mouth, hoping this was going to work. It had to. She held up the glass for him to drink.

"Now swallow, swallow."

To her relief, he did. Did that mean he could hear her? She clung to that thought.  
"Good! Good," she congratulated him, grinning.

"Nice job," Jack said, startling her. She had completely forgotten about him, too focused on her task. He went on, trying to speak light-heartedly: "I never learned the whole whisper-in-the-ear thing in med school."

She smiled a little and looked down, slightly embarrassed. After the tender way she had just gotten him to take his pill, of course Jack would wonder if she had feelings for Sawyer. Would she mind if Jack thought she did? Right now she was too preoccupied with Sawyer's health to try and answer that question.

"Now he has to rest," Jack said. "Would you stay here, keep an eye on him?"

She nodded, avoiding his inquisitive gaze.

"Yes."

"Alright. I'll go and check on the man who brought Sawyer back, try to learn what happened. If he wakes up or anything, just call out for me, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Jack."

He nodded and, after a quick smile, left the room. Kate glanced after him; somehow she felt relieved when he was finally out of sight. She didn't have time to try to understand why: Sawyer was shivering. She quickly went to get a damp cloth and gently applied it to his burning forehead.

"Hey! Hey, can you hear me? You're going to be okay. You're going to be alright. You're home."

The shivering finally subsided but she kept on running the cloth over his face and torso, washing him in the process. He really needed it, she thought. Her heart sank: what he had been through? She could hear, indistinctly, Jack, Locke and the black man talking. She was dying to know more about how the stranger had found Sawyer, but she couldn't bring herself to leave the bedroom where he was now sleeping tranquilly. What if he woke up while she was gone? He wouldn't have any idea where he was, and she didn't know how he'd react.

So she stayed by his side, praying that he'd pull through.

A while later, Locke came into the bedroom. Kate was just sitting by Sawyer's side, lost in her thoughts. She raised her head to look at John and he asked:

"How is he?"

She briefly glanced at Sawyer and replied, unable to hide the anxiety in her voice:

"He seems to be okay. At least I think he is," she replied, unable to mask her concern for him.

Locke nodded, grabbed a nearby chair and sat close to Kate.

"I'm guessing you might want to know what happened."

It was Kate's turn to nod. Of course she did. Quickly, he filled her in: the raft's encounter with the Others, Walt's kidnapping, the walk back to camp with the tail section's survivors, Shannon's death.

"Where's Jack now?" she wondered, suddenly worried. She just hoped he wasn't going to do anything rash.

"He and Eko went to find Sayid. Without any guns," he added, sensing her apprehension.

She let out a relieved sigh; the last thing they needed was for their doctor to get hurt. Especially when Sawyer was in such a bad state, she though with a hint of guilt.


	2. Chapter 2

The song is 'Crazy', written by Willie Nelson and performed by Patsy Cline and Ray Price.

**Chapter 2**

Several hours went on without anybody else coming inside the hatch. With the frenzy surrounding Shannon's death, the arrival of new survivors and Walt's kidnapping, everybody had much better things to do than to come in and check on Sawyer. Kate couldn't blame them; Sawyer had never made any effort to fit in, she thought sadly as she watched him sleep. Almost from the second she had met him, she had known that, deep down, he wanted nothing more than to be liked, but something was stopping him from showing it. After she had discovered why he had taken the name 'Sawyer', she had begun to get a clearer idea of why it was that way.

He wanted to punish himself.

Her heart sank at the thought. She would have wanted to help him, to make him understand that he wasn't a bad person after all. But who was she really to contemplate such a thing? She had her own issues with being bad or good, and that was complicated enough.

She suddenly heard some footsteps. Someone was coming.

"Hey, Kate," Jack said as he entered the bedroom. "I came back as soon as I could. There's a lot going on right now."

"I know. Locke told me," Kate replied evenly. She didn't really want to know more about the latest events. For once, she was content just to sit back and let others handle things.

Jack nodded and got closer to Sawyer.

"How is he?" he asked, checking his pulse.

"He hasn't trembled since you left. I think his fever went down a little," Kate answered, more hopeful than convinced.

Jack checked Sawyer's temperature and shook his head.

"No, his fever's still up there. I can't tell if the antibiotics are working. I'm sorry."

For the first time since Sawyer had returned, Kate felt fear overwhelm her. She felt like she couldn't breathe, she felt like she couldn't move. The medication had to work, he just couldn't die.

Aware of her anxiety, Jack put a soothing hand on her shoulder.

"Kate, he's not doing worse than he was, and that's a good sign," he said, but she didn't know if he was just saying that to reassure her. But she had to get a grip on herself. Remembering what Jack had told her about allowing himself to be afraid for five seconds before moving on, she started to count silently.

One, two, three, four, five.

She opened her eyes and met Jack's.

"There has to be something more I could do for him than just sitting here watching him fight for his life."

Jack looked at her curiously for a second before saying:

"It'll help to get some food in him. Keep him hydrated, maybe mash up some fruit and see if you can get him to eat it."

Happy to be able to do something, she had a tiny smile.

"I got it."

After Jack had finally been able to get her to promise she'd let him watch Sawyer come the next morning, so she could get some sleep, Kate put on a Patsy Cline record. Glad to hear music again, she began to sing along as she proceeded to mash up some mangos for Sawyer.

_Crazy  
Crazy for feeling so lonely  
I'm crazy  
Crazy for feeling so blue  
_

She could relate to Cline's solitude, having felt so lonely while Sawyer had been away. After all, there was a connection between them; he was the only one like her on this island. The only other person that didn't belong, he had once said. And she agreed with him.

But now he was here, and she didn't want to feel alone anymore. So, even though he probably couldn't hear her, she started to talk to him.

"You hungry? I'm just going to mash you up some fruit here. When you wake up you're going to get a kick out of me feeding you like a baby," she said, amused at the idea.

Sawyer suddenly grunted in his sleep, his jaw clenching. He probably was hurting and Kate put her hand over his, painfully aware it was the only thing she could do to comfort him. He was really pale, his hair was messy and dirty, plus there were dark circles under his eyes. She hated to see him so frail.

He groaned once more and turned his head to face her. For a split second, she thought he was going to open his eyes and suddenly it dawned on her that she didn't know how he'd react if he woke up to find her taking care of him. Was he still angry with her? The last time she had seen him was by the fire, when he had told her there wasn't anything worth staying on the island for. She cringed at the memory. Of course he had the right to be angry with her. She had threatened to take his spot on the raft even though she could feel how much he needed to leave. But did he have to say she wasn't worth staying for? Had he meant it? Was it the real reason why he had left?

Somehow she didn't think so. There had to be something a lot deeper to push him away, to get him to risk his life out on the ocean. Did it still have to do with his self-loathing?

Anyhow, she had been hurt by his statement and, she had to admit, angry with him. Not so much for exposing who she really was, or for ruining her only chance of escape. No, the main reason she was angry with him was for not caring about their bond. About her.

She hadn't realised that right away. Even after he had left the island, she had remained irritated with him… until Claire found the bottle containing the messages that had been aboard the raft. Up to that moment, she had had the gut feeling that she would end up seeing him again one day, that their story wasn't over. But then she had to face the facts: he was probably dead, dead without knowing how she truly felt about him.

_Worry  
Why do I let myself worry  
Wondering  
What in the world did I do_

Her anger had disappeared then, to be replaced by an immense sadness. Would he have left if she had told him she had feelings for him?

The song was still playing and, listening to it, she realised she knew the answer to that question.

_Crazy  
For thinking that my love could hold you  
I'm crazy for trying  
Crazy for crying  
And I'm crazy  
For loving you_

The answer was 'yes'.

As they had arranged, Jack came back early the next morning, and she finally agreed to get some sleep on the couch while Jack stayed in the bedroom with Sawyer. But her sleep was uneasy and it only had been a few hours when she decided to go check on Sawyer.

Jack was taking his temperature when she entered.

"Hey," she greeted him.

He raised a surprised eyebrow.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Any change?"

He gazed at the thermometer he was holding and announced:

"The fever has started to go down."

"Does that mean he's going to be okay?" she asked, afraid of hearing the answer.

Jack sighed.

"He's not out of the woods yet, but he seems to be responding to the antibiotics."

Suddenly, it was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. He would recover. Maybe he would never love her, but at least he'd live.

"I'll stay with him."

Jack shook his head.

"Kate, you've only slept a few hours. You need more than that," he said reproachfully.

"I'm not tired."

Knowing it was a lost cause, Jack tried something else. At least it would get her out of the hatch for a while.

"Then go out and get him more fruit."

Kate sighed.

"Okay, but I'll be right back."

Although she hated to admit it, it did feel good to get out of the hatch. It was a beautiful day and she breathed the fresh air with delight as she headed into the jungle to find some mangos. She suddenly heard some noise to her right: it was Michael.

"Hey, Kate! Long time no see!"

"Michael, hi! I'm glad you're back…"

She hesitated for a second before adding:

"I learned about Walt. I'm so sorry… We'll get him back, you'll see."

"Yeah…"

He nodded slowly, his eyes filled with sadness. He obviously didn't want to expend upon the subject, so he asked:

"How's Sawyer?"

"Still unconscious."

Michael pondered on the information before putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"He'll pull through, Kate, if only to annoy us."

They smiled to each other until they heard footsteps. Looking at the tough looking woman coming towards them, Kate suspected it was the 'Ana-Lucia' Locke had told her about. Glancing at Michael who didn't seem too pleased to see her, she knew her guess was right.

"You must be Kate. I'm Ana," she said to Kate, extending her hand.

But Kate didn't move. Locke hadn't left out the details of how she had wanted to leave Sawyer to die on the jungle floor and that was something she just couldn't get past.

"You're the one who killed Shannon," she said coldly.

Ana removed her hand and put it in the back pocket of her jeans.

"It was an accident," she replied, not looking sorry in the least to Kate.

"Right."

Ana-Lucia had no retort and asked:

"How's the cowboy doing?"

"Since when do you care?" Michael snapped.

Before Ana could reply, Kate answered her question.

"He'll pull through, but no thanks to you."

Aware that she hadn't found a friend in Kate, Ana-Lucia turned away and left. Both Kate and Michael stared after her. Kate wouldn't have wanted to be in her shoes. Killing Shannon probably had been an accident, but Kate couldn't help but think this woman meant trouble.

"Kate?" Michael said after a moment. "Are you going back to the hatch? I was going there to tell Jack that Shannon's funeral would begin shortly…"

"I'll tell him," she replied before heading to the mango tree.

She couldn't wait to go back to Sawyer.

"Sorry, man, I know this hurts," Jack said to a stirring Sawyer as he cleaned his wound. "Michael told me you pulled the bullet out with your bare hands. You'll have to show me how to do that sometime," he said, unable to hide his admiration for Sawyer's guts.

Ever since Sawyer had told him about his encounter with his dad, Jack just couldn't despise the man as much as he once had. Perhaps Sawyer wasn't all bad after all… but that didn't mean they could ever be friends. Respect each other, maybe, but no more.

Jack was finally done with the cleaning and was about to get new bandages when Sawyer whispered:

"Where is she?"

His eyes were still closed; he was talking in his sleep.

"Where is she?" he repeated.

Of course, Jack could guess who he was talking about.

"You mean Kate. She's been watching over you ever since you got here. The only way I could get rid of her was to send her out to get some food for you."

"I love her…" he murmured.

Jack froze. Had he heard right?

"I love her," Sawyer repeated more clearly.

This time there was no way around it: he had heard right. A bit shaken, Jack sat down. Of course he suspected Sawyer had feelings for Kate. But to hear _him_ admit he _loved _her was something else entirely.

But he didn't have time to dwell on it. He heard the hatch door close and quick footsteps approaching. Kate.

"How is he?" she asked, panting, as she came into the bedroom. She evidently had hurried back and that only made Jack feel more depressed.

"The fever is still going down. He'll be fine."

Not thinking, he added, "He even mumbled something-"

He stopped, cursing himself for saying that. What was he thinking? He wasn't going to be the one to tell her that Sawyer _loved_ her, no way.

"About what?" she wondered.

Thinking fast, Jack replied:

"Uh… He said something about kicking Ana-Lucia's… you know."

Fresh from her less than pleasing meeting with Ana, Kate couldn't help but chuckle.

"I can't say I blame him."

Although Jack was sad for Ana, Michael had told him about the way she had treated Sawyer. He knew she could be quite… difficult. He smiled widely.

"I see you met her."

"Yes," she replied, returning his smile. But a second later she sobered up. "Jack, you should get down to the beach for… for Shannon."

"I was actually thinking that I should stay and watch Sawyer," Jack said. What if Sawyer woke up and repeated that he _loved_ Kate? He looked down, feeling guilty. It wasn't the right thing to do, he knew it. But a part of him just didn't want Kate to know how Sawyer truly felt about her. Maybe then he'd still have a chance with her?

"You said he was better. I'll stay with him," she said resolutely and right away Jack knew he had lost her. Sawyer was all she could think about and deep down he probably had always known that. He had to give up.

"Okay, I'll go. But Kate… After the funeral, I'll come back and then you'll have to rest some more. You're not serving him well by exhausting yourself."

She was already sitting by Sawyer's side, her eyes not leaving him. Absently, she replied:

"Fine."

Jack sighed internally and left. Kate would never be his.

After the funeral, Jack had came back to watch Sawyer again. By then she really was extremely tired and didn't fight him. She left the hatch to go and get some sleep inside her tent. She hadn't mentioned Sawyer talking again in his sleep, and Jack felt relieved. And also a bit guilty.

A few hours went by and Jack was expecting Kate to come back any minute. She had already been gone longer than he would have thought she would. He closed his eyes for a second, rubbing them. He could use a nap, too, he though, until he heard a teasing voice:

"Since you certainly wouldn't go to Hell, I'm guessing I'm still alive?"

Jack opened his eyes. Sawyer was looking at him, a smile playing on his lips.

"Can't hide anything from you, Sawyer."

Sawyer's smile widened, only to fade as he looked around.

"I'm in a bunk-bed? Are we saved?" he asked, suddenly serious.

Jack shook his head.

"No, we're not."

He had barely finished his sentence when Kate came in, saying:

"Okay, Jack, my turn."

She stopped dead as she gazed at Sawyer and saw him smiling widely at her, dimples showing.

"You may be very pretty, Doc, but I'd have preferred if her face had been the first I'd seen when I woke up," he drawled, obviously happy to see her.

At first, Kate returned his grin, but it quickly disappeared.

Turning her back to Jack and Sawyer, she ran out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

He was a moron.

Of course she hated him. How could she not? He had told everyone she was a criminal and hadn't even found it within himself to apologize afterwards. He had left her thinking he didn't care about her.

When she had burst into the room a few minutes earlier, he had felt his breath catch in his throat. She was even more beautiful than he could remember and the joy of seeing her again exceeded all he could have imagined.

The few seconds she had returned his smile had been a moment of sheer happiness. His jaw clenched, thinking how short it had been. She had run out and he had plunged into despair.

"I'll be back in a minute, Sawyer," Jack said before leaving the room. Was the good doctor going after Kate?

Wishing Jack could just disappear from this Earth, Sawyer closed his eyes, pretending to rest. Had things heated up between Kate and the doc while he had been gone? Despair washed over him at the idea. He had to believe that it wasn't the case. He had to believe that she had run away only because she was really angry with him.

He sighed. Ever since the day she had pretended not knowing how to remove the ammo from the gun he had just shot a polar bear with, he had always liked her. Immediately he had seen through her, immediately he had known she wasn't what she seemed to be. She intrigued him.

Drawing him in even more to her was the way she knew he wasn't what he seemed either. As she had told him back when she had asked for Shannon's inhalers, she wasn't buying the act he'd been putting on. She could see further than his bad boy front and he had to admit that, deep down, it meant a lot to him. But those feelings had been relatively easy to keep in check since she seemed in no hurry to get closer to him. Their kiss had given him proof that she was as attracted to him as he was to her, but that she clearly had her own issues with that fact.

But the urge to be with Kate had become uncontrollable when they had played "I never" and when he had learned she had killed a man. He then had realised that she could never push him away because he was a conman and a murderer.

He had met such a woman once before: Cassidy. And since he had ended up hurting Cass really bad, he was terrified at the prospect of doing the same to Kate. Maybe those two women had been able to look further than his bad deeds, but he knew all too well that he WAS a bad person. Nothing could ever change that. And before he could hurt Kate, too, he had decided to leave on the raft, even though it could mean death for him.

So all was well until Kate had tried to get his spot on the raft. Then, he had gotten angry. He HAD to leave and no one was going to stop him. That's why he had reacted the way he had, exposing her past to everyone. Afterwards, the night before leaving, he had felt bad. He hadn't been ready to apologize, no, because she had been the one to corner him. But he hadn't wanted to leave without making things right with her. Plus he had felt kind of guilty for preventing her from taking the only chance she had to leave the island without handcuffs.

But she had clearly been angry with him, clearly not in the mood to make things right, as he had hoped. She hadn't seemed to care that he was leaving the next day and that she'd never see him again. That's why, once more, he had been a moron and had told her he didn't care about her enough to stay. A lie. In fact, it was the opposite: he was leaving _because_ he cared too much about her.

And what now? The reasonable thing to do would be to let her hate him so he wouldn't hurt her anymore than he had already. But he knew that leaving the island had been the easy solution; no way would he be able to stay away from her if they were both here.

He was back to square one, afraid of loving her but knowing he couldn't let go of her either. Somehow, he had to make things right with her without letting their relationship deepen. He had to let her know that this mess wasn't her fault, that he was the one with a problem.

For once in his life, he had to do the right thing. But how would he get to talk to her? He couldn't wait until he'd be able to run after her, to force her to listen. His conman's mind was working as fast as it could to find an idea. And it popped into his head when Jack came back, holding a glass of water and a little white pill.

After exiting the hatch in a hurry, Kate had headed to the beach. She was now sitting down in the sand, alone, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Sawyer made her life such an emotional rollercoaster!

When she had come into the room and saw him beam at her… her heart had threatened to explode. She was so relieved to see him awake and smiling, she couldn't help herself but grin in return. But the love she felt for him had washed over her and the intensity of it had scared her. Her smile had faded; her affection measured with the hurt she experienced. He didn't love her in return; she wasn't going to let herself fall under his spell again only to be wounded once more.

Her instant reaction had been to run. She cringed; that wasn't a surprise. But taking care of him while he was unconscious, his life hanging in the balance was something; caring for him when alive and well was another.

She stared at the ocean for a while, wondering how Sawyer had felt seeing her flee. He would probably think she was still mad at him for exposing her past to everyone… Maybe he'd feel bad about it? Her features hardened; good for him.

"Kate?" she suddenly heard. It was Sun, walking up to her with a worried look on her face. "Is everything okay?"

Kate nodded and was about to answer when she heard Charlie calling out to her.

"Kate!"

Both she and Sun turned to face him and they waited for him to come up to them.

"Kate, I've got a message for you," he said, not looking too happy to play messenger.

"What is it, Charlie?"

Rolling his eyes, Charlie explained:

"Jack wants me to tell you that… that Sawyer won't take his antibiotics unless you're the one giving them to him."

Kate froze; that was unexpected. Why would he do that? She didn't know. But one thing she was sure of was that she wasn't going to play into his hands.

"I'm not going," she said coldly. "I'm not his nurse. I don't have to answer his every wish. Tell him that."

Her answer seemed to surprise Charlie.

"Are you sure? I thought you and Sawyer-"

"There is nothing going on between us, okay?" she almost yelled. She was losing her patience; couldn't she just forget about Sawyer?

Charlie clearly didn't believe her, but he knew better than to get in the middle of their feud, so he turned around and headed back to 'hatch duty'.

Kate closed her eyes, trying to calm down. She didn't want to love Sawyer anyway, so why did it seem so important to her whether he had feelings for her or not?

"Kate," Sun said softly, startling her. She had almost forgotten she was still there. "Let's talk, okay?"

Kate opened her eyes and sighed. Sun was a good friend, the best she had had in a very long time. She owed it to her to at least listen to what she had to say.

"Okay."

Sawyer listened anxiously to the footsteps as they approached. Was it Kate? Had she come back with Charlie? Had she forgiven him?

But his hopes died as soon as he saw Charlie entering the room, alone.

"Hey guys!"

"Did you find her?" Jack wondered.

"Yes."

Charlie didn't seem to be in too much of a hurry to share Kate's answer.

"So what did she say, Pop Tart?" Sawyer asked, annoyed.

Charlie shot him a dark look.

"She said she's not your bloody nurse, mate. She's not coming."

Of course Sawyer had suspected she wouldn't give into his threat, but to actually hear his fears being confirmed was something else. He suddenly felt weak and hopeless. What was he going to do now?

Probably expecting Sawyer to jump at Charlie's throat or something, Jack said:

"Thanks, Charlie."

Charlie nodded and left. Jack turned back to Sawyer who saw in his eyes what he was about to say. But, if only not to give Jack the satisfaction of seeing him give up, Sawyer snarled:

"I'm still not taking the pill, Doc."

Jack sat down on the nearby chair, sighing. Talking to Sawyer the same way he did to his uncooperative patients, Jack tried:

"Come on, Sawyer. You may feel better now, but you'll die if you don't take your antibiotics. I'm not kidding."

"Do I look like I am?" Sawyer growled in response, his eyes leaving no doubt about his determination.

Out in the 'real' world, Jack would never have given up on a patient, he knew it. But this was _Sawyer_ and the 'real' world seemed far, far away. So he gave up.

"Fine. Suit yourself."

Jack left the room and Sawyer stared at the ceiling, feeling despaired. If he had lost her, then there really was nothing worth living for.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Why are you angry with him, Kate? I though you'd be glad to see him awake," Sun asked, her soft voice laced with concern.

Kate exhaled, trying to see clearer in her thoughts.

"I'm glad he's okay, but… I just…" she began, gazing at Sun who was patiently waiting for her answer. "Before leaving on the raft, I asked him why it was so important for him to get on the raft." She took a deep breath and added: "He said there wasn't anything on this island worth staying for."

She would never forget those words, she knew it.

"You care about him, don't you, Kate?"

She pressed her lips together, unsure if she should tell her friend or not. But she had to tell someone or she'd go crazy.

"I don't want to, but I do. That's why I got angry with him. It hurt me to see him go… when I thought he had feelings for me, too."

There, it was out.

"Kate, did you know that Jin left _because_ he loved me?" Sun asked after a silence. "He wanted to save me because he was ashamed of how he had treated me in the past."

Kate raised a surprised eyebrow. She certainly hadn't saw things from this angle.

"What are you saying? You think he could have left because… because of the feelings he had for me?" Kate looked down and shook her head. "I don't know how that'd be possible. He thought he was never going to see me again."

As she said that, it dawned on her that it could have been a way to make things easier on her. She wouldn't regret him. Plus not telling her the truth would only give him another reason to hate himself, and she was convinced that that was his ultimate goal. Punish himself.

Maybe Sun was right, maybe he did care for her. But was she ready to accept that fact? She didn't even know if she could allow herself to feel something for him.

The truth was that Sawyer represented everything she had been running from in the last years. He had done some terrible things, she knew it. So she had gone to horribly great lengths to erase what was bad inside of her, only to fall for a guy like him?

She was afraid that, ready or not, that was just the way it was… and would remain. Whether she liked it or not, she cared for him and she needed to believe that he cared for her, too. She had been so alone for so many years, finding someone she could be her real self with was extremely precious and she wasn't going to lose it without a fight. She had to give him, at least, the chance to explain himself.

Her decision made, she raised her head determinedly and said:

"Thanks Sun. I'll go and see him."

For good measure, Kate let a few hours pass before she headed back to the hatch. Yes, she was willing to give them another chance. But not before making her point.

When she came in, Jack was sitting at the computer, entering the numbers. He looked up.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey, Kate."

"How is he?" she wondered as she walked up to him.

"Good. Asleep. He'll be fine as long as he takes his antibiotics," he replied, his intense gaze on her.

She looked down. She knew what was coming.

"What was that all about, Kate?"

Still avoiding his eyes, she mumbled:

"Nothing."

Jack looked at her disapprovingly. Of course he wasn't buying it.

"Why did you run away?" he insisted.

But she wasn't going to tell Jack about this. She didn't want to hurt him. She had figured he had some kind of feelings for her, and there was a time when she had hoped she'd be able to return those. But now she knew she couldn't; she cared about Sawyer and there was no way to change that, even if she would have wanted to.

"I… I'm still angry with him. For telling everyone I was… a criminal. I thought I could trust him; but he betrayed me," she blurted out.

That wasn't quite the truth, but it wasn't entirely false either.

"Still you've been taking care of him since his return," he commented, trying to understand.

"I don't want him to die, Jack. But I'm not going to let him off the hook that easy."

Jack nodded. That he could comprehend.

"Alright. I'll tell him that. Maybe it'll make him agree to take his medicine."

Concern submerged her; he still hadn't taken his pill? She mentally rolled her eyes; why was she even surprised? The guy had endured torture to get a kiss from her.

"You can go back to the beach," Jack added.

But she shook her head.

"You need to rest too, Jack. I'll take care of Sawyer and of the button."

"You don't have to, Kate. I'm pretty sure he'll take his antibiotics once he understands you're serious about this. Plus Hurley and Scott are coming; they'll take care of both Sawyer and the button."

"That's Steve, Scott's dead," she said mechanically.

Jack had a gesture meaning 'whatever', and Kate went on:

"I'll sleep in the other bed. I'll be there if he needs anything, okay?"

"Fine," Jack said, obviously not thrilled with her decision, but not wanting to fight her. "I'll be back in the morning."

"Okay."

"Goodnight, Kate."

"Goodnight, Jack."

As Jack left, Hurley and Steve came inside the hatch. She told them she was going to sleep in the other bed to watch Sawyer and then headed to the bedroom.

The only light was the one coming from the computer room. She stopped on the doorstep and watched Sawyer for a minute or two. Geez, he could be such a pain in the butt sometimes. She sighed. She had a part of responsibility in all of this. After all, she HAD threatened to take his spot on the raft. She HAD cornered him even though she had sensed just how strong his urge to leave was. If only she had been able to admit it during their final talk, maybe things could have been different.

Her talk with Sun had convinced her that she had never had feelings this intense for anyone. She still didn't know what to do about it. All she knew was that right now she needed to be with him and the rest would have to be dealt with later. Allowing herself to love him would be a leap of faith. She wasn't ready to jump; but she was starting to contemplate the idea.

After one last look at him, she climbed into the upper bed. Listening to his breathing, she finally fell asleep.

Sawyer opened his eyes a few hours later, and, in the darkness, it took him a second to remember where he was.

His head was pounding and he was very thirsty. Slowly, he moved his head to the right and was disappointed to see that Kate wasn't sitting by his side. There was no one; not even Jack.

'Great, I drove them both away' he thought to himself. Sometimes he was just as exasperated with himself as everyone else seemed to be.

Glancing at the bedside table, he saw there was a glass of water on it, along with his antibiotics. He sighed. Maybe he should just take them and stop making a fuss. But the need to make things right with Kate was just too strong; maybe if she realised he was willing to risk his life in order to speak with her, she would come? Didn't women love men who would sacrifice everything for them?

Ah, that seemed to work like a charm, he thought wryly. Good going, genius. He should have known that Kate wasn't like other women.

He glanced at the bottle of pills once more and his features hardened. No, he wasn't going to take the medication, if only to prove he was serious about this. At least, if he died, she'd know how important she had been to him.

But he still was very thirsty, so he extended his arm to grab the glass. He could almost touch it, but not quite. Clenching his jaw from the pain in his shoulder, he carefully lifted his upper body up a couple of inches, then dropped down as far to his right as he could. This time, he could touch the glass. There he was, wrapping his fingers around it, pulling it towards him… but he was still very weak. As he started to raise the tumbler, his grasp loosened and the glass loudly fell to the floor.

He cursed under his breath; now he was going to have to wait until somebody finally deign come and check on him.

But to his surprise, he saw someone jump down from the bunk-bed above him.

Kate.

He just couldn't detach his eyes from her lithe form; she was real, wasn't she? His heart filled with hope: maybe she didn't hate him after all.

"What's going on?"

She asked the question without looking at him and he was painfully aware of it.

She took a step forward and got the answer to her question as she stepped into the spilled water. Without a word, she bent down and retrieved the glass. Probably going to get a towel to clean up the mess, he guessed, she took a step away from the bed.

But he wasn't going to miss his chance.

As she turned away, he grabbed her arm, stopping her dead in her tracks. At first she didn't move, but after a second she glanced at his hand on her arm. He thought for sure that she'd tell him to let go of her, but instead she raised her eyes to meet his.

Maybe the shadows made it easier, maybe he was still too weak to think straight. But he had to tell her.

"I didn't mean it, Kate."

She looked away, but he still had time to see the tears shinning in her eyes. She knew what he meant, he was convinced of it. For a moment she didn't move or speak, but then she whispered:

"I deserved it."

She turned her head to face him and they looked at each other for a few seconds. They understood each other perfectly. Their connection was still there; they knew it but they also knew that neither of them was ready to take the next step. Smirking, he released her arm.

"If you say so, Freckles."

She chuckled and he watched her in awe. How could she be so beautiful, even after being stranded on a deserted island for over a month?

"I'll clean up the mess and then I want you to take your antibiotics, Sawyer," she told him resolutely. He knew that it was non-negotiable and that was perfectly fine with him.

He grinned like a damn fool the whole time she was busy, just enjoying her presence near him. And when she put the pill inside his mouth, he swallowed it obediently.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks for your encouragement, it means a lot to me!

**Chapter 5**

After giving Sawyer his medication, Kate went back to bed and, this time, she slept like a baby. The next morning, she was awoken by Sawyer's voice.

"Freckles?" she heard.

Looking down from the upper bunk bed, she replied:

"What?"

"Would you tell me what the heck is this place?"

She grinned. The poor guy must have a load of questions! She jumped down from the bed.

"Yeah, but first you need to eat."

"Whatever you say, nurse Kate," he said with a malicious smile. Embarrassed, Kate looked down. Charlie had probably repeated her exact words to him and now he was teasing her about it.

"Shut up," she replied playfully, trying not to show her troubled thoughts. "I'll help you sit."

Adding a pillow behind his back, she got him in a half-seated position.

"Thanks, dear," he said with a big dimpled smile.

Kate said nothing; she was mesmerized by the sight of him grinning. She now realised just how much she had truly missed him. Tearing her eyes from him, she left for a few seconds, coming back with a banana. She handed it to him, but he shook his head.

"Would you mind opening it for me, pumpkin?" he asked with a seductive smile.

She rolled her eyes at him and complied. She then handed him the fruit once more and he took a bite.

Watching him, Kate started to laugh good-humouredly.

"What?" he asked with his mouth full.

"You look like a monkey!" she explained, amused.

"Hey!" he replied, feigning to be hurt.

"You need a haircut."

"Oh, really? I'll make sure to make an appointment with my hair stylist, then," he replied sarcastically.

"I'll do it."

He stared at her, his blue eyes expressing surprise and… terror.

"What? Hey, this is my hair we're talking about! I don't want to end up looking like Jack – worse, Locke."

Kate laughed at his comment before sobering up. She wasn't going to push for the haircut – for now.

"So, what do you want to know?"

It took a good while to tell Sawyer about all that had happened while he was gone. Taking her time, Kate told him about the hatch, the timer, Desmond… she then explained how Michael had insisted on building a stretcher to carry him back to camp. Then Shannon had been killed and Eko had taken him to Jack.

As she told him what those two men had done for him, she saw in his eyes how much it affected him. He wasn't used to people going to such lengths for him. He wasn't used to people caring about him, period.

Knowing Sawyer would have to get used to the idea of actually having friends, Kate didn't push it. She didn't want to expressly point out that some people cared about him because she sensed that it would be too much for him to contemplate at the moment. So she proceeded to tell him about all the juicy gossip he had missed in the last week or so, until Michael peeked inside the room.

"Hey chief!" Sawyer greeted him with unusual enthusiasm.

"Hey, Sawyer! Glad to see you're okay, man."

"Kate here just told me that I would be feeding the maggots in the jungle if it weren't for you, Mike," he said, obviously serious in spite of his light-hearted tone.

"You tried to save my boy, man, that has to count for something," Michael replied, waving his hand as if to brush off any need for gratitude.

Sawyer shot a brief glance at Kate and noticed she seemed proud of him. The sight caused his self-repugnance to surface.

"I would have left you behind, Mike. I did leave you behind," he snarled.

"You were half-dead, Sawyer. And you pulled me out of the water, remember?"

Sawyer's jaw clenched.

"You should have left me there."

Michael just smiled warmly, which only annoyed Sawyer even more, before answering:

"Whatever you say, man."

He gazed at Kate and continued:

"Have you seen Locke?"

"No," she replied.

"Alright, I'll keep looking. See you later."

Michael left the room and for a moment Sawyer didn't speak. He wasn't used to having people like him. Hell, Michael had even cared enough about him to stand up to Rambina and carry him through the jungle. The thought was unsettling, to say the least. He tried to understand why. How come he could accept Kate's liking of him and nobody else's?

He sighed; one thing he knew was that he hated to be dependant on someone, and now he needed help. He cringed before saying:

"Freckles? Is there a bathroom in here?"

"Yes… Do you need to go?"

He nodded.

"If you could just help me to get there, I'll manage on my own, don't worry," he said with a mischievous grin.

"Good, because I'm not that kind of nurse," she replied on the same tone.

Carefully, she helped him get out of the bed and they slowly made their way to the bathroom. Sawyer had put his arm around her shoulders and was leaning on her a little. She didn't mind. To see him up, standing in full height against her (in his underwear) made her heart beat faster. Which woman wouldn't feel the same way? He was a very attractive man; there was no getting away from that.

"You've got to be kidding me," he let out, looking around.

"Bathroom's this way."

"Come on, admit it, we've been rescued."

"You think I'd take you to the bathroom myself if we had been rescued?"

She had said that playfully, but he couldn't help become sombre. If they had been rescued, she would be in prison.

They finally reached the bathroom and he peeked inside.

"Whoa, there's a shower, too!" he exclaimed. "I want to take one!"

"You can barely stand up, Sawyer. You can't take a shower all by yourself," she said, immediately regretting her words. Sawyer wasn't going to let such a comment go by unnoticed.

"Then shed those clothes, Freckles. You can wash my back," he said with a naughty grin.

To his delight, she blushed.

"No way, Sawyer. I'll get you a chair; you'll manage on your own."

"Oh, come on puddin', it'll be fun!" he said with a mocking smile.

"I'll be right back," she said before disappearing out of the room.

He kept smiling, his imagination kicking into gear.

Kate came back a few minutes later with a chair, soap, shampoo and clean clothes for him. She put the chair inside the shower and put everything he needed within his reach. She then wrapped a plastic bag around his shoulder to keep his bandages dry.

"There. Call me when you're done, I'll take you back to bed."

"But how am I supposed to wash my hair? And back?"

Kate was hesitating, he could see it, so he added:

"You keep your clothes on; I'll keep my underwear, okay? It'll be easier to cut my hair when it's clean," he added persuasively.

That seemed to be the deciding factor.

"Okay, but if you do anything out of line I walk, understood?" she said warningly.

"Understood, boss."

With Kate's help, he settled on the chair and she turned the water on. Sawyer closed his eyes and let the warm water run on his face. He hadn't realised how much he had missed the simple pleasure of taking a shower.

After a little while he opened his eyes; Kate was watching him with an indecipherable expression on her face. It seemed to be a mix of amusement, sadness and… lust.

He grinned in her direction and that seemed to wake her up.

"Let's get this over with," she said, grabbing the soap and stepping beside him, staying out of the shower as much as she could. "Bend forward, I'll begin with your back."

Obediently, he did what she had asked and a second later she was running the soap on his skin in fast motions. Too fast, he though with amusement. The girl was trying hard not to enjoy what she was doing, he knew it.

"Are you trying to scrape the skin off my back, Freckles?" he asked jokingly.

She slowed down her pace.

"Sorry," she mumbled, before adding a few seconds later: "Turn around a bit to rinse off."

He did and she poured out some shampoo into her hand. His back free of soap, he settled back the way he was before and waited. He knew she was unsure about all this, but he was having way too much fun to ease her concerns.

"What, Freckles, are you thinking about joining me?"

She shot him a dark look and began to rub the shampoo into his hair. He closed his eyes, not moving. Gradually, her fingers moved in a gentler way on his scalp and he felt himself relax into her touch. He had always found it so sexy to have a woman wash his hair…

He peeked at her; she seemed pretty focused on her task. Her shirt was getting wet and he felt his pulse quicken. She was incredibly attractive.

Suddenly the whole thing wasn't so innocent anymore and he thanked heaven his good arm wasn't the one nearest to her or he would probably have drew her with him into the shower.

He closed his eyes again, trying to think about anything but the way she was making him feel. Should he ask her to stop? No, it would only make things worse. And this was too good not to enjoy, he thought, moaning involuntarily.

He instantly felt her tense and cursed himself. He had ruined everything. Kate immediately began rinsing his hair and was done very quickly.

Trying not to look at him, she turned the water off and threw him a towel.

"Now get dressed. I'll wait for you outside," she said hastily as she walked towards the door.

Trying to regain his composure, he acted like nothing had happened. With a teasing grin, he asked:

"Would you help me change underwear?"

"No way," she replied firmly, turning the doorknob to leave.

"Nothing you ain't seen before, Freckles."

"It doesn't mean I'd like to see it again, Sawyer."

She glanced at him briefly and shut the door behind her.

It took a good while and she heard a load of expletives before Sawyer finally exited the bathroom, wearing his jeans and an open khaki shirt.

He looked positively stunning, she thought. She chastised herself mentally; she shouldn't have such thoughts, particularly after what had just happened in the shower.

"You want to give me a hand with the button? Not easy with only one arm," he asked with a naughty smile, indicating his jeans.

If only to prove to herself she could do this and stay level-headed, she took a step forward and fastened his upper button.

They were already standing very close, but Sawyer took another step forward and, looking down at her, said with a mocking grin:

"Thanks."

She smiled against her will. He was testing her, she knew it.

"Come on, let's go."

Once again, he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she guided him to the bedroom. He was leaning on her a little more than he had been earlier: he was most likely tired.

As she helped him sit back down on the bed, Jack entered the room. He stared in wonder at her wet clothes.

"Is everything okay?" he wondered, puzzled.

"Yeah, he just wanted to take a shower," Kate replied. "I'll go and take one, too."

Without sparing a glance at the two men she was leaving behind, she grabbed her backpack and headed to the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she quickly undressed and stepped under the warm water. Once in, she cleaned up, trying to block the memories of a half-naked Sawyer. Geez, what was wrong with her? She kept telling herself she didn't want to be attracted to him, and two minutes later she was washing his hair?

It wouldn't have taken much for her to hop in there with him. He was just plain gorgeous, with that sexy smile and water running on his face… 'Stop it, Kate', she reprimanded herself. She still wasn't ready to totally unlock her tender feelings for him. Plus, even though he had sort of admitted that he cared for her, she had to keep something essential in mind: she still didn't know what his feelings for her were exactly.

Would she ever know? He seemed to genuinely enjoy her company, but she had to remember that Sawyer was a master at playing with people. She would have to remain careful and protect herself.

Even if it wasn't going to be easy…


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Later that day, upon Sawyer's insistence that he was feeling good enough to continue his convalescence out of the hatch, Jack gave him the okay to leave.

Happy to smell the fresh air again, Kate and Sawyer slowly made their way to the beach. He couldn't hide his joy at seeing his tent again, even after he realised that a part of the stash he had left behind had disappeared.

He was in such a good mood that Kate seized the occasion to bring up the haircut again. To her relief, he agreed to let her do it, but of course he had to make sarcastic comments from time to time.

"A little close to the ear, Freckles. You sure you know what you're doing?" he wondered at one point.

"Would you please turn your head," she retorted, amused.

"Why, you ain't got a clean enough shot at my neck? I can cut my own damn hair," he mumbled grumpily, but Kate knew that was just an act. She sensed that he was actually happy that she took care of him like that, but was probably uncomfortable with it.

"You know, you don't have to be belligerent just for belligerent's sake. Everyone loves you now," she teased.

"Bull puckey. So Mike thinks I tried to save his son. Big deal."

Before she had a chance to say anything, Hurley walked by and said:

"Yo, Sawyer! Glad you're back, man."

Standing behind Sawyer, Kate couldn't see his face too well, but from what she saw she'd have guessed he was either terrified or stunned at Hurley's nice words.

As Hugo walked away, she heard Sawyer mutter:

"Yo yourself, Pillsbury."

"See?" she said, smiling widely. She was having a great time with this.

"Doesn't prove anything."

Knowing he wasn't going to admit she was right, she went on cutting his hair, enjoying the warm breeze and sunny skies. She was halfway done when Rose and Bernard stopped by.

"Hello Sawyer," Rose said. "We're happy to see that you're doing well, aren't we, honey?"

"Yes. I wasn't so sure you'd make it, back there," Bernard agreed.

"Now take care of yourself, son," Rose said before the couple walked away.

Kate stepped around to face of him, needing to cut his front hair. She HAD to emphasize that she had been right. People loved him, now.

"What was I saying?" she teased him.

"So what, four people on this island are happy to see me," he grumbled.

At these words, Kate stopped cutting his hair and looked at him, bending a little so she could look him in the eyes.

"Five. I'm glad you're back, too," she said, smirking, her voice barely above a whisper. Their eyes locked and for a moment neither of them spoke.

The silence lingered and Kate started to worry. Had she gone too far? Surely he had to realise she was speaking light-heartedly? He still wasn't smiling and her own grin faded.

"Sure didn't seem that way to me when you ran out, Freckles," Sawyer finally couldn't help but say, bitterness evident in his voice.

Kate stood up completely, a bit upset at the sudden change of tone.

"I was angry with you," she replied, trying to justify herself.

But that didn't seem to be enough for Sawyer who countered, his features hardening:

"Then why did you come back? Before I told you I didn't mean it?"

She hesitated. How much was she going to tell him? Perhaps, if she opened up, he'd do the same?

"I thought there might be another reason for you to push me away, to leave on the raft," she explained.

Sawyer didn't reply. She saw his jaw clench, his gaze get steely. Had she been wrong to think he cared about her? She didn't know what to think anymore and was feeling hurt and irritated now. Wanting to get an answer from him, she said:

"I think you wanted to punish yourself. Why? Does it still have to do with your letter?"

Suddenly she needed to know NOW. To know how he felt about her, why he had left. But she had hit a nerve and Sawyer stood up abruptly, angrily grabbing the towel she had put on his shoulders and throwing it down. He stared down at her with a menacing look on his face.

"That's my business, Sweetheart," he said, his voice low and threatening. "Stay out of it."

That was more than Kate could take.

"Yeah, I guess I will," she replied, livid.

And she walked away.

Unsure if he was more pissed at her or at himself, Sawyer sat down inside his tent, his anger slowly dissipating as the sky turned to black.

When she had said she was happy to see him, his heart had swollen. He had almost leaned in to kiss her, but had caught himself on time. She couldn't get closer than she already was. So he had to hurt her because he was so damn scared of being loved. That was stupid, he was stupid, but hey, he had always known that.

After a few hours, he almost left his tent to go and find her. But what would he have said to her? He didn't know. He had decided to keep his feelings for her locked up inside and he still believed that was the best thing to do. If he started to apologize, something might slip up and who knows where that could take them? He was still convinced he'd hurt her if he allowed her to love him and he wanted to avoid that at all costs.

Sleep finally took him and he napped uneasily for a few hours.

When he woke up early the next morning, the pain from his shoulder made him wince: it was sore. Remembering that Jack had asked him to come by the hatch first thing in the morning to take his medication and change his bandages, he sighed. Seeing the Doc wasn't exactly something he looked forward to. But because he was still unsure as to how he'd deal with Kate, he decided to go see Jack first.

He only had taken a few steps out of his tent when Charlie appeared.

"Hey, mate! Bloody hell, what happened to your hair?" he asked, horrified.

It took Sawyer a second to realise what Charlie was referring to, and when he did, he let out a curse.

She had only been halfway done with his haircut.

Quickly going back to his tent, Sawyer frantically rummaged through what was left of his stash in search for scissors. He couldn't find any.

Charlie had followed and was eying him curiously.

"Do you have scissors?" Sawyer growled.

"Jack has some," Charlie replied and Sawyer thought he was going to knock his front teeth out. No way was he going to Jack, of all people, looking like THAT.

Fuming, Sawyer left Charlie behind and headed to the more populated part of the beach.

"Hey Hurley, do you have scissors?" he asked abruptly when he stumbled upon him.

But Hurley replied with a question.

"Dude, what happened to your hair?" he wondered, his eyes not leaving Sawyer's hair. "You look like you're out some 80's movie."

"What do you think I want scissors for, Staypuff?"

The threatening look in Sawyer's eyes prevented Hurley from making any more smart comments.

"Sun. She has scissors."

"Thanks," Sawyer said sarcastically. The number of people liking him was decreasing steadily and that was just fine with him.

He headed to the Sun and Jin's tent.

"Hey, Sun," he said, suddenly acting very nice. That woman was so kind; there was just no way he could be mean to her.

Looking up at him, she laughed good-humouredly.

"Hi, Sawyer. Do you need help with this?" she asked, motioning at his hair.

"Yeah. Please," he replied, defeated.

She got a pair of scissors from her bag and then gestured for him to sit down and began cutting his hair. At one point, she asked:

"Wasn't Kate cutting it yesterday?"

Sawyer sighed internally.

"She had enough of me," he only said.

"Oh."

Sun stayed silent for a minute or two, but then she begun:

"I'm so glad you, Jin and Michael all made it back safely. After Claire found the bottle, I was so sure I wouldn't see Jin again…"

She paused, trying to contain her emotion at the memory.

"At least he had told me why he was leaving. If he hadn't and… died, I would have thought he had gone because he didn't care for me anymore. But before the raft sailed away, he told me he was ashamed of the way he had treated me over the last few years. He was leaving to find some help, to save me. He thought that would be a way to redeem himself."

Sun paused again but Sawyer didn't dare speak.

"But he didn't have to do that. I love him. I know he had to do some bad things in the past. I hate it, but I know that he is not a bad man. I can love him despite all that, I have loved him even when he pushed me away. Because I know that everything he ever did was because he loved me. Now… We still have to solve our problems, but at least we can rely on our feelings for one another. We are together and that is the main thing, don't you think?"

Sawyer didn't reply. He wasn't dumb; he knew Sun was telling him about Jin because she was trying to make him understand something. Gazing at the ocean, he started thinking about how differently he had acted from Jin. Unlike him, he had left without telling Kate why he was going away. He had left her behind, thinking that he didn't care about her.

That's why she had run at first, he understood it now. That was HIS fault. He sighed. Kate knew he had done awful things, but still she cared about him, he knew it. And to know that she was willing to put up with him meant a lot to him.

Sun was right. If he wanted to keep her, he had to tell her why he had left. If he had told her last night, Sun wouldn't be the one cutting his hair right now.

But that was easier said than done. Yes, Kate already knew more about him than anyone had ever had. She knew about his parents, about 'Sawyer', about the letter… she even knew that he had killed a man. But telling her that he actually had feelings for her was a big step. He wasn't ready to give in to those feelings. Flirting with her, having fun, that was easy. He knew she cared for him and he suspected she knew he cared about her. But to put those feelings out there… that was another story. After that, nothing would ever be the same.

He wasn't sure he was ready for that, but he knew he could lose her, perhaps to Jack, if he didn't do something. That was if she wasn't cuddling with the Doc _right now_. Okay, so maybe he would tell her. But how would she react? Something was telling him that she was as afraid of intimacy as he was. Maybe they could just settle for accepting they cared for one another and say no more about it?

He was still scared that he would hurt her if they got too close to each other. But now there was nowhere to hide, nowhere to go. And he knew full well he couldn't stay away from her for a long time. He needed her; he needed to know she cared about him. He needed to know he wasn't completely worthless…

Yes, he really was a complex guy, he thought, sighing deeply. The decision ahead was a hard one to make, but at the same time it was the easiest he had ever made.

He would talk with Kate.

After talking to Sawyer, Kate had headed inside the jungle, fuming. She didn't need to take all his crap. Maybe he didn't even care about her? Perhaps he had been toying with her? A part of her couldn't believe that, but another part doubted. When she had looked into his eyes, before kissing him, had she really seen behind his façade? Had she seen the real him? She didn't know what to think anymore. She was falling for a man whose real name she didn't even know. How unreasonable was this?

Needing to think, to be alone, she walked to the caves. Nobody stayed there anymore and that suited her perfectly. That was where she would sleep tonight.

She lay on the ground, but her eyes wouldn't close. Her thoughts always came back to Sawyer. What was she going to do about him? Silently, she admonished herself: she was a wacko. On one hand she wanted, _needed_ him to care about her, but on the other hand she knew that it'd be so much easier if he didn't. Unable to solve her dilemma, she finally fell asleep.

The sun was already up in the sky when Kate woke up suddenly. She had heard noises in the bushes. Could it be Sawyer? She couldn't help but smile at the memory of how she had once thrown him a rock, hurting his knee in the process.

"Sawyer?" she called.

But it wasn't him. For the second time in only a few days, Eko appeared before her.

"Hello," he said, a warm smile on his face.

Although she didn't know much about the man, Kate liked him. Obviously, he had saved Sawyer and that was a good point for him, but there was more. Kindness and honesty emanated from him.

"Hi," she replied, grinning.

Eko walked up to her.

"We have not been introduced," he stated.

"I'm Kate," she said, holding out her hand to him.

He shook it.

"I am Mr Eko."

"What brings you here, Mr Eko?" Kate asked, gesturing at the caves.

"I am just exploring the surroundings. Since I am now part of your group, I would like to know my way around."

Seizing the opportunity to think about something other than her relationship with Sawyer, Kate asked:

"Want me to give you the grand tour?"

Eko smiled and nodded.

"That would be very nice of you."

"Hope you got the combo, Doc."

After getting his hair problem solved, Sawyer had come into the hatch to have his bandages changed. At first he had thought no one was there; but after a few seconds he had heard muffled cries. Heading to the armoury, he had found out that Jack and Locke were trapped inside it.

"Right two times to 25," Locke informed him.

"25, got it."

"Left two times to 29. Right once to 40."

Sawyer obeyed and the door was unlocked.

"Howdy, boys."

But he got no reply from Jack. He simply handed a gun to Locke, who wondered:

"What are you doing, Jack?"

"Going after him," he replied determinedly as he grabbed a rifle and exited the gun vault.

Sawyer was puzzled.

"Hey, what happened?" he wondered.

"Michael went after Walt," Locke informed him.

Sawyer shook his head disbelievingly.

"Went after Walt!"

As he put supplies in a pack, Jack explained:

"Pulled a gun on me, put us both in there, and went after Walt."

Silently, Sawyer walked back to the vault. He knew what he had to do. This time, he wouldn't sit back and watch others take risks for Michael.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Jack asked him with surprise.

"What does it look like? I'm coming with you."

Jack stared at him as though he was crazy.

"You're still on antibiotics."

His voice calm and determined, Sawyer looked at Jack and replied:

"It's a good thing I'm traveling with my doctor, then."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"… and forty people eat a lot of fruits. Now I have to come here if I want to find any," Kate explained.

"Okay," Eko just said before adding: "I hear a waterfall."

A strange sadness washed over Kate. She and Sawyer had had such a good time there. Suddenly, she realised she had never even thanked Eko for bringing Sawyer back.

"Thanks for bringing Sawyer back to us. You saved his life," she said gratefully.

"I did what was right."

"Many people would have left him behind," she said, thinking about Ana-Lucia and probably half of the survivors. Hell, even she would leave him behind right now. "He isn't exactly the most loved person around," she added.

Eko had a knowing smile. But his gaze was serious when he replied:

"He is not as bad as he thinks he is."

It was Kate's turn to grin.

"If only he could realise that."

She paused, but there was something she needed to ask Eko. The Sawyer she thought she knew, the real him, wouldn't have let Michael go find Walt without trying to stop him. Even if he was hurt. Had things really gone on the way he had implied they had?

"He says he left Michael behind, back there. Is it true?"

Eko's intense gaze lingered on her for a moment before he answered.

"Sawyer did not join me and Jin when we went to look for Michael. But… he had a choice to make."

"He was wounded and his only chance was to keep going. I know," she said pensively.

"I do not think that it is exactly the choice he had to make, Kate."

Kate stared at him, puzzled.

"What do you mean?"

"Letting Michael go was very upsetting for him. He would not let it show, but I saw it. As much as he wanted to save his friend, there was something more important to him. Something he needed to do, even if it was the last thing he ever did. He was hurt pretty badly and he knew he had to choose."

Kate was stunned. Could she have been the reason Sawyer had to come back? Did he want to tell her why he had left? The thought shook her up a little. So maybe Eko and Sun were right: Sawyer cared for her and wanted to make things right. He had, in a way, when he had told her he hadn't meant to say she wasn't worth staying for. But he had pushed her away again and now she needed to hear him say that he cared.

Stopping her train of thoughts, Eko asked:

"John told me you have found the cockpit."

Kate nodded.

"Yes. Do you want me to take you there? It isn't that far from here," she suggested. Anything to avoid going back to camp.

A twinkle in Eko's eyes told her that he suspected her offer wasn't totally out of generosity, but he agreed nevertheless.

"I would like that."

Locke, Jack and Sawyer had been walking through the jungle for quite a while now, following Michael's trail.

"Hey, Doc, you want to slow down… take a break a minute?" Sawyer asked, stepping on his pride.

His arm was throbbing and his strength was wearing off quickly, reminding him a little too much of the situation he had been in a few days ago.

Locke stopped.

"Good idea."

Sawyer let out a relieved sigh and sat down on a nearby rock. He took out his water bottle and drank a little. His thoughts wandered to Kate; what was she doing right now? Waiting for him? Or maybe wishing the Others could get their way with him?

"Is he still heading north?" Jack suddenly wondered, staring at Locke.

John nodded.

"Yep."

"Do you think he's lost?"

"Doesn't seem to be. The trail is as straight as the interstate. The path of a man who knows where he's going."

Locke stared at Jack for a moment then quietly asked:

"Where are you going, Jack?"

"What?"

"Well, let's say we catch up with him, Michael. What are you going to do?"

Sawyer watched with interest as Jack gave his answer.

"I'm going to bring him back."

'What an arrogant SOB', Sawyer thought. Of course he wasn't really impartial when it came to Jackass, but he found that the guy was starting to take himself a little too seriously. Hiding a smile, he wished Kate could have been there to hear that. Perhaps her liking of the good doctor would have decreased a little?

"What if he doesn't want to come back?" Locke continued.

"I'll talk him into coming back," Jack said firmly, not even going to contemplate the possibility that it might not work.

"This is the second time he's gone after Walt," Locke stated calmly. "He knocked me out; he locked us both up. Something tells me he might be past listening to reason."

Jack was getting a bit irritated at John's disbelief.

"What? You think we should just let him go? Write him off?" he replied coldly.

"Who are we to tell anyone what they can or can't do?" Locke countered.

Jack was silent for a short moment, during which he stared at John with disdain.

"Let's move on," he just said.

Sawyer put his bottle back in his pack, got up and, without a word, they continued their journey.

Kate was getting tired. They had been walking in the heat for several hours now and she was starting to think longingly about her bed. She hadn't had much sleep the previous night. In fact, she hadn't had much rest since Sawyer's return, she realised. She sighed. Could she ever think about something that wouldn't remind her of Sawyer?

"It shouldn't be very far from-" Kate began, but all of a sudden the ground exploded a little way off from them. Kate knew all too well what it meant.

"Eko, run! Run!" she yelled as she began climbing a nearby tree as fast as she could. When she was up high enough, she looked down. To her horror, Eko hadn't moved an inch.

She gasped. It was too late to do anything: the black smoky cloud was right in front of Eko. From her point of view, Kate could see flashes of light inside it. The whole thing barely lasted ten seconds before the 'monster' gathered itself and flew off and into the jungle floor.

Her heart beating like crazy, Kate made her way back to the ground.

"Are you okay?" she asked an immobile Eko.

He smiled.

"Yes, I am."

"Why didn't you run?" she wondered, still in shock.

"I was not afraid of it."

She stared at him. Who was this guy? He eerily reminded her of Locke.

"What was it? Those flashes?" she asked.

But Eko shook his head.

"You will learn in time, Kate."

Before she had time to add anything, they heard something in the distance.

Gunshots.

Sawyer let out a curse as he gathered his strength to take another step. Using some vines to pull themselves up, the hunting party was trying to climb a steep slope.

"Are you sure Mike went this way?" Sawyer asked Locke, panting.

"Why do you ask?"

John replied, giving his hand out to Sawyer to pull him up on flat ground.

"Oh, I don't know, Mr. Clean, I probably would have gone around Mt. Vesuvius."

Locke's answer was another question.

"Why did you pick that name?"

"Ain't it obvious? All you need's an earring and a mop."

Locke chuckled for a few seconds before sobering up.

"No, your name. Why did you pick Sawyer?"

Sawyer heart stopped for a split second. Was Locke saying what he thought he was saying?

"What do you mean, pick?" he countered.

"After the census Hurley gave me the flight manifest. Your name is James, right? James Ford."

Sawyer froze, unused to hearing the name anymore.

"What's it to you?" he replied defensively.

"Just an interesting name to choose, that's all. Who did you get it from?"

Now Sawyer was getting annoyed. Why was Locke suddenly so interested in knowing that?

"Who says I got it from anybody?" he growled, desperate to end the conversation.

His salvation suddenly came in the form of gunfire.

"Michael!" Jack immediately yelled, running towards the location of the noise.

Locke and Sawyer followed until Jack stopped.

"Michael!" he yelled once more.

Locke waved to Jack to be quiet, pointing at something on a tree. A bullet graze mark.

"He's close," Jack stated.

"Yeah, and if he was shooting at someone you'd want them coming back?" John retorted.

"Personally, hell yeah," Sawyer couldn't help but say. Revenge wasn't his primary reason for being part of this expedition, but he couldn't say that he wouldn't like to have a little meeting with the guy who had almost killed him. Plus Jack and Locke didn't have to know he felt guilty about not trying to get Michael back the first time, did they?

"You said these people were two days across the island," Jack intervened.

"Yeah, and they took Cindy less than a mile from our camp."

Locke interrupted them.

"Over here," he said, looking at something on the ground.

"Shell casings. How many?" Jack asked.

"Three. Michael's."

Something didn't add up for Sawyer.

"You boys deaf? I heard at least seven shots. You heard, Daniel Boone, what's your count?"

"Yeah, seven sounds about right."

Sawyer sighed internally. Something had happened to Michael, he knew it. Filled with a sense of urgency, he asked:

"It's getting dark. Which way did Mike go?"

Locke looked down for the trail while Jack stared at Sawyer.

"What?" he wondered, irritated. If Jacko ever left on his own to find something, he swore he'd never try to get him back. Hell, he'd shoot whoever would _try_ to get him back.

"You out here for Michael, or is this pay back for getting shot?

Sawyer took his time before replying. For years, his ability to read people had allowed him to make a living. Right now, he sensed that Jack's motives weren't as selfless as he'd like them to think.

"Why are you out here, Doc?" he growled, taking a step further towards Jack.

The two angrily stared at one another for a moment until they heard a feminine voice ask:

"What are you doing out here, Sawyer?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"What are you doing out here, Sawyer?" Kate asked.

Sawyer turned to face her. What was _she_ doing here? He hadn't expected to see her, sweaty and beautiful, but the words came out without him thinking them through:

"I seem to remember you saying you'd stay out of my business, pumpkin?"

He immediately cursed himself internally. Definitely not the way to go if he expected to patch things up with her.

She didn't reply to him and they stared at each other for a short moment, until Jack explained:

"Michael went for Walt. We're trying to get him back."

"We heard gunshots," Kate said, motioning at Eko.

"We found three shell casings that belonged to Michael."

"I heard at least seven shots," Eko intervened.

"Yeah, I know," Jack nodded.

Stealing a brief glance at Sawyer, Kate stated:

"We've got to find him. What are we waiting for?"

Jack stared at her for a moment, and it was evident to Sawyer that he was trying to make his mind up whether or not he'd allow her to tag along. That irritated Sawyer: who was the Doc to decide? She was a big girl, wasn't she?

Finally, Jack agreed to broaden the search party and they went on following Michael's trail. Locke was leading them, followed by Kate and Jack. The pair were walking side by side, exchanging a few words here and there, which annoyed the hell out of Sawyer. _He_ should have been walking alongside Kate. She belonged to _him_. But he wasn't going to give Jacko the satisfaction of seeing him being rejected by Kate. He would have to wait for the right moment to talk to her in private. Until then, he was going to have to focus on something other than the two people walking in front of him. It wasn't going to be that hard; his strength was waning steadily and it took him everything he had to avoid being distanced from them.

Probably aware of his difficulties, Eko stayed behind with him and Sawyer was grateful for it.

"Hey, Mr Ed."

"Hello. I see you are already doing much better," Eko replied, a big grin lighting his face.

"Thanks to you, Ed. Seems I wouldn't be here if it hadn't been for you."

"Many people came through for you. You are lucky to have such good friends."

"I'd hardly call the Doc a friend, Ed," Sawyer replied sarcastically.

Eko was silent for a few seconds before saying:

"Do you know anything about bustards?"

Sawyer was taken aback.

"Bustards? What, are you going to give me the speech about the birds and the bees?" he replied derisively. But he was looking attentively at Eko, waiting for him to explain himself. He couldn't help it: the man just seemed so wise and so… good, Sawyer already respected him immensely.

"Bustards travel in a group," Eko began. "When one of them gets sick, or too tired to follow the rest of the group, two of the strongest ones stay behind with it, sometimes even landing until the weak one is ready to join the group again. They do not just abandon the feeble one. Do you know why?"

Eko paused, but Sawyer didn't venture an answer and he finished:

"Because it is part of the group."

So Eko meant that the others, Michael, Jin, Jack, Kate… they considered him part of the group? The thought was pretty unsettling, to say the least. Sawyer had never been part of a group, even as a kid. Well, maybe he had… before it happened. Before the night that changed his life forever.

He pondered on the idea for a while, glad that it took his mind away from the pounding pain in his shoulder. But suddenly the people ahead of him came to a stop.

"I lost the track," Locke announced. "It's getting too dark."

Immediately, Jack proceeded to light some torches, which he then handed to every member of the party.

"Here, light."

But Locke shook his head.

"I think we'd better head back."

"We're not," Jack growled, taking a step towards Locke.

Worried as to where this verbal confrontation could lead, Kate intervened:

"John, take Sawyer back with you. We'll look for Michael."

Sawyer stared at her disbelievingly.

"What?"

He didn't seem too keen on the idea, but Kate knew that the only thing keeping him going by this point was probably his ego. He had been very close to death only a few days ago; a day of trekking through the jungle couldn't have done him much good. She was concerned for him, but she wasn't going to express it too loudly.

Before she could reply to Sawyer, Locke spoke again.

"You're not going to get him to come back and you know it, Jack," he said calmly, which only unnerved Jack more.

"You know what happens if we just turn around and go back? We're never going to see him again. And that's going to be on us."

"Well, I might just have the answer to your problem, gentlemen," an unknown voice suddenly declared. It came from the tree line and the five surprised castaways turned to face that direction. In a flash, Jack, Locke and Sawyer all had their guns drawn.

Kate stared at the bearded man in front of her, stunned. He had to be one of the Others, she thought with anxiety. Thinking about how creepy he looked, she almost jumped out of her skin when all of a sudden she felt something brush against her bare arm. But it was only Sawyer's shirt: he had sneaked closer to her, his gun firmly in hand. She felt a wave of affection wash over her, realising he wanted to protect her.

"Who are you?" Jack wondered out loud, his voice not faltering.

"He was with the son-of-a-bitch that shot me on the raft," Sawyer replied, his own voice low and menacing.

"Well, well, James, I'm glad you're already back on your feet after that little raft incident," the stranger said with a smirk.

Kate was taken aback. The man was clearly referring to Sawyer… was his first name James? How could that stranger know something _she_ didn't know about him?

"I could've died," Sawyer replied accusingly.

The bearded man's smile got wider.

"I had an inkling you wouldn't, since you're one of the six."

"Six what?" Jack asked.

"Numbers."

His answer captured Locke's interest.

"What do you mean?"

But before the stranger could reply, Jack questioned:

"Where's Michael?"

The man stared at him for a second or two before shouting:

"Bring him out, Alex!"

Pushed forward, Michael emerged from the darkness, hands tied and a gag keeping him quiet. The stranger grabbed his arm and asked:

"Is he the one you're looking for?"

"Give him to us now!" was Jack's reply.

"Whoa, hold on, Jack. First, throw your guns down, all of you. Then we'll chat."

Reluctantly, the men obeyed and Michael was allowed to join his friends. Eko untied him and took off his gag, earning a grateful look from Michael.

"Are you okay, Michael?" Jack wondered, his eyes not leaving the stranger.

"I'm fine."

"Where's Walt?" Kate asked.

"Well, why don't you build us a fire, John? I think it's time we all had a talk."

Jack, Kate, Eko, Michael, Sawyer, Locke and the bearded man were now sitting around the fire.

Locke was the first to speak, asking the question that was on everybody's mind.

"How do you know our names?"

But the stranger just smiled. Clearly, he wasn't going to answer that question.

"You took my boy," Michael then said.

"Don't worry, Walt's fine. He's a very special boy."

But Jack wasn't in the mood to hear the man tell them about Walt's qualities.

"Look, you said you wanted to talk. Talk," he demanded.

The Other nodded briefly and then began:

"Alright. Let me ask you something. How long have you been here on the island?"

"50 days," Jack answered.

"Oooo, 50 days. That's what… almost 2 whole months, huh?" he said mockingly. "Tell me, you go over a man's house for the first time, do you take off your shoes? Do you put your feet up on his coffee table?"

He paused and shot a look at Locke.

"Open the door to rooms you got no business opening? Let me make something clear. This is not your island. This is our island. And the only reason you're living on it is because we let you live on it. In short, we want you out of this place. That's why I'm going to help you."

"Oh, really?" Sawyer commented sardonically.

"You were all called here for a purpose. I told you earlier, James, that you were one of the numbers. You know about those, of course. But did you know that all of you, you six, each represent a number?"

The castaways all stared at the stranger, in shock.

"Everything depends on you six," he continued. "Let me explain. One day, your lives got derailed… Now you have the chance to become the persons you were meant to be. But first, you have to get past the island's security system."

"The black cloud?" John wondered.

"Yes. Once the six of you do, then you'll be allowed to be who you were destined to be. To have what you've been destined to have. This is 'second chance island', folks.

For a moment everybody was silent, pondering of this surprising information. Then Michael spoke:

"You mean I'll get my boy back when I'm ready to have him?"

"Yes. And when all your friends here have passed the test, too."

"I don't believe you," Jack stated, smiling broadly.

"You don't believe what?"

"All that you've just said. That's simply impossible. You're only trying to keep us from coming after Walt, after all those people you took. I think there are more of us than there are of you. I think if you had any real strength, you wouldn't have had to send a spy. Ethan."

A teasing grin appeared on the bearded man's face.

"That's an interesting theory," he replied before suddenly raising his arms and yelling:

"Light them up!"

Torches were suddenly lit and the group was surrounded by people just out of sight.

"We've got a misunderstanding, Jack - your people, my people. So listen carefully. Right here there's a line. You cross that line, we go from misunderstanding to something else."

Not waiting for an answer, he stood up.

"Now we're leaving. Good luck."

"You and me ain't done, Zeke," Sawyer couldn't help but say warningly as the man disappeared into the shadows.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

For a couple of minutes, even after all the Others' torches had disappeared, the group stayed silent. Everyone was trying to grasp the meaning of what the man had told them. How could each one of them represent a number? What would they have to do to be ready to face the monster? Was the stranger playing with them?

They each had many questions, but they were also very tired, both physically and emotionally. So nobody objected when Jack decided that they would sleep right where they were, waiting till the morning to head back to the beach.

Sawyer was still standing near Kate and from the corner of her eye she saw him staring at her. Did he want to apologize for the way he had behaved with her the previous day, or was he about to make some naughty comment about sleeping next to her?

Either way, she didn't want to know. She had had enough of him, enough of being pushed away every time she showed a little too much interest in him. She was now determined to stay away from him until he'd had time to really think this through. Until he'd really know what he wanted.

Without as much as sparing him a glance, she walked up to Jack, who was sitting on a log on the other side of the fire. As their leader, she wanted to know how he was going to react to the latest events.

"Hey, Jack," she said as she sat beside him.

"Hey."

"So what's the plan?" she wondered, glancing inadvertently across the fire, where Sawyer was now lying on the ground, his head resting on his backpack. Her eyes meet with his hurt ones before they both quickly looked away.

"We'll go back to the beach first thing in the morning. But we'll come back when we're better prepared. We'll get our people back, Kate, I'm telling you."

"You mean… by force?" she asked, less then sure that she liked the idea.

"We don't have much choice, do we?"

"So you really don't believe it, what the man said?"

Of course she hadn't expected him to, in fact he had already said so, but she wanted him to confirm it.

Jack fixed his eyes on her, surprised:

"Do you?"

Did she? She wasn't sure yet. But one thing she knew was that she certainly wished she did believe. The man had said that they could _start over_, be who they'd been destined to be. And that certainly was an appealing idea.

"I don't know," she replied, as her gaze once again wandered to Sawyer, or rather _James_.

He already seemed asleep. No wonder after the day he'd had. Jack noticed that she was staring at him and said, with a hint of sadness:

"We'll let him rest as long as we can, Kate. Don't worry about him."

"I'm not worried. I was just thinking how stupid it was for him to join you and Locke."

"He was driven by revenge, Kate," Jack affirmed.

But while not too long ago she would have agreed with Jack, now she knew that revenge hadn't been his primary goal when he had set out on this long walk. After the talk she'd had with Eko, she now believed that Sawyer had joined the hunting party to do something he wished he could have done the last time: save Michael.

Now he had done just that, and she truly hoped that it would ease his need for self-punishment.

"James, wake up!"

Unused to hearing the name, it took Sawyer a moment to actually recognize that he was the one Locke was talking to. He opened his eyes and cursed when he realised that it was morning and that everybody was already all set to leave. He had planned to take Kate aside while the others were still asleep, but he had been so exhausted that he had slept longer than he had intended to.

"I got you a papaya, James. We'll leave in a few minutes," Locke said, handing him the fruit.

"Thanks," Sawyer mumbled, wishing he could tell Locke to stop calling him that, but not wanting to show how much being called by his real first name bothered him.

Locke nodded and walked away to speak with Jack and Kate who were chatting, still sitting on the log where they had been the previous night. Once more, Sawyer cursed under his breath. Had she spent the whole night by his side? Cuddled with him, maybe?

His jaw clenched. This day wasn't beginning too well.

Pretending to be listening to what Jack and Locke were saying, Kate kept stealing glances at Sawyer. It hadn't escaped her how he had winced as he had sat down to eat his fruit, and she couldn't help being concerned about him. In what state would he be by the time they reached their camp?

It was none of her business, she kept telling herself. He had made it clear enough.

The group finally began their long walk 'home', Locke leading them, followed by Jack, Kate and Eko. Sawyer and Michael were not too far behind them.

After a couple of hours, they took a break and Sawyer managed to sit next to Kate. She sighed internally, unable to decide if she should get up or not. A part of her wanted to be close to him, while another just wished he would leave her alone for good.

"So, Freckles, what were you and Ed doing out there, back when you heard the shots?" he asked, smiling, as he grabbed a water bottle from of his pack.

"None of your business, Sawyer," she replied coldly.

He took a sip of water and grinned derisively.

"Ah, I see. Payback."

Kate didn't reply, pretending to be busy putting her water back in her backpack.

"Won't you ever forgive me, sweet cheeks?" he wondered. His lips curled into a mocking smile, but his eyes were telling another story. He seemed genuinely saddened and she felt her resolve waning. Thank God, it was the moment the rest of the group chose to get up, ready to resume their journey.

"I don't see why I should," she said before rising, too.

When the hatch finally came into view, they were all exhausted. But before they could rest, they knew they had to talk about what had happened out there. They had to try to figure out if what the bearded man had said could have been true.

They weren't ready to tell the other castaways about the previous night's events, so they released Charlie and Hurley from button duty to have the hatch all to themselves.

Kate was the one to start on the subject.

"So, John, what's your take on all this?"

Locke smiled.

"Well, Kate, I believe he's telling the truth.

Jack let out an annoyed sigh, but Kate ignored him and asked:

"How do you know we're the numbers the man talked about?"

"Well, Kate, let me ask you a personal question. How old were you when your life got derailed? When something prevented your life to take the course it should have?"

"What do you mean?" she replied weakly, knowing perfectly the answer to his question, but not ready to voice it.

Patiently, Locke explained:

"For example… Let's say… let's say James, here," he said pointing at an irritated Sawyer, "was living a happy life until something happened and his existence was turned upside down. Changed forever. His new reality was filled with grief, anger, pain. That became his life and it still is. Now, according to what the man said, I think what he needs to do is let go of his fear and take the second chance the island is giving him to be happy. When he's ready to be himself, then he'll look into the monster's eyes and if he's sure, if he's ready… then the security system won't stop him anymore. And he'll be allowed to start his new life. His future. And I'm convinced it'll be the same for all of us."

"What happens if we encounter the monster before we're ready?" Michael wondered.

"I wouldn't recommend it," Locke chuckled.

"That's bullsht, John," Jack said firmly. "How would you know anyway?"

"I've meet with the monster, Jack. And what I saw was beautiful. I'm ready."

"I have met with it, too," Eko intervened tranquilly.

Locke smiled and gazed at Kate once more.

"So, Kate?"

"I was four years old. Almost five," she let out, thinking about the day she had learned her parents were getting a divorce.

Locke nodded.

"Good. You, _Sawyer_?"

"Eight," he said weakly.

"Eko?"

"Fifteen."

"Jack?" Locke then asked.

But Jack shook his head.

"I don't believe it, John."

"Come on, Jack, tell us."

Jack sighed, obviously getting very annoyed with all this, but he complied with Locke's demand.

"Sixteen," he mumbled.

"And you, Michael?"

"I was twenty-three."

John beamed at those around him.

"And I was 42 when everything changed. See? We're the numbers. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42."

"That's crazy, John! We have guns, we have people! We'll get Walt back!" Jack shouted.

"Jack, you have to believe," Locke replied quietly. "You have to change. What have you got to lose?"

Jack shot him a dark look.

"I'm out of here," he just said before grabbing his pack and exiting the hatch.

A short silence followed Jack's outburst, but then John spoke again.

"The six of us getting pass the black cloud will start a chain of events. Now what we have to do is to come to terms with who we really are."

After that unsettling talk, Locke and Eko had decided to take the next shift, so Michael left the hatch almost immediately. Sawyer was waiting for Kate to leave too, so he could follow her and finally get the chance to _really_ talk to her. But she seemed to anticipate his intentions and she showed no intention of leaving.

So he exited the hatch and hid in the bushes, waiting for her to show up. He didn't have too long to wait.

"Hey, there, Freckles," he suddenly said as he emerged from his hiding place.

She was startled but kept walking.

"Leave me alone."

"Now, there, that's not really polite of you," he replied, still avoiding being serious. He was scared to death about doing what he wanted to do and he had to fight his desire to just let her walk away from him. But he knew full well that he had to tell her the truth about his departure on the raft if he wanted to pursue his relationship with her.

She didn't respond.

"Freckles, I want to talk to you," he pleaded, trying to keep up with her.

"Go away, Sawyer, or _James_, is it? Whatever your real name is," she said bitterly.

"Kate, listen to me, okay?"

"No."

As she spoke, they heard a sudden roam of thunder and almost immediately the rain began to pour down on them.

"Oh, great!" he mumbled. "Kate!"

Now he had had enough of this. They had to solve their feud right away or he'd go crazy. So hurried and caught up with her.

"Kate!" he repeated, grabbing her arm. "I'll tell you why I left, if you would just listen to me, damn it!"

Fuming, Kate finally stopped. She freed herself and yelled:

"So now you're ready to tell me, and I have to listen? Forget it, Sawyer!"

She took a few steps away, until he blurted out:

"I left because I care about you, Kate."

His admission caused her to stop, but she didn't turn around to face him.

Now that he had her attention, Sawyer exhaled loudly. He was going to do this.

"Ever since we've been here, I…" he began uncertainly, "I've had… I've liked you, okay? But until you told me you had killed a man, until I realised we were the same… and that you could actually care for me even knowing what I've done… Then I panicked, Kate."

He paused and she slowly turned around, still not meeting his eyes.

"Do you want to know why I was so scared? Why I still am?"

He was almost shouting to cover the noise made by the falling rain and this time, her green eyes locked with his blue ones.

"You know… when I told you I had never been in love… I was lying."

Kate looked shocked but said nothing, so he went on while he still had the courage to.

"I loved a woman once… She knew all about what I was doing, the cons… She even worked with me. But she made the mistake of trusting me, of loving me in return. I fooled myself into believing that I could make her happy. I figured that in the end the way I earned a living didn't matter. And you know what? I was right. It's what we _are_ that matters. But the fact is that I am a horrible person, Freckles. And that's not about to change," he growled.

To his surprise, Kate's eyes were now expressing sadness, but also affection. Not used to being as vulnerable as he was now and, terrified, he felt a sudden urge to push her away once more.

"I hurt that woman in the end, I took all that she had, and I'm not only talking about money. Don't make the same mistake she did, pumpkin. Stay as far as you can from me," he added acerbically.

He should have walked away after those last words, but his feet just refused to move. Something that used to be buried very deep inside was now coming closer to the surface and was keeping him there, his eyes not leaving hers. Against his conscious will, he needed her to tell him she understood. He needed her to tell him that even though he was complicated, she was willing to put up with him and help him believe he could change.

To his joy, to his fear, she walked up close to him; soaking wet and more stunning then he had ever seen her.

"Don't you get it, Sawyer?" she said softly, her eyes filled with hope. "I don't want to… to care for you, I've tried not to… But I can't help it."

She stopped and they stared at each other intensely until she finally spoke again.

"I… I need you too much." Her voice broke but she went on: "I need you to care for me, too."

Hearing those words, Sawyer's heart swelled. Gently, he cupped her face with his strong hands, not breaking eye contact with her until his lips met with her supple ones. He kissed her tenderly but still conveying just how much he needed her, and not just physically. She responded to his kiss, putting her open hands on his torso. They finally had to breathe and their lips parted. But they didn't move away from one another. Kate put her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder. Relieved that she wasn't going to run away from him, he encircled her waist and held her close.

He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but he knew they'd better stop while they still could, afraid of where letting go of their bottled up feelings might take them.

Sawyer buried his face against her neck, suddenly feeling all emotional. She cared for him, she wanted him, she needed him, he kept repeating himself. He didn't know if it could really happen, but right now he was happier than he had ever been.

Speaking in her ear, he whispered:

"I'm not ready to give you what you need, Kate."

He felt her smile faintly against his stubbly cheek.

"And I'm not ready to have it, either."

Smiling shyly at each other, they parted, knowing they had just reached an agreement. They both knew they belonged to one another, but that they were not ready to bare their souls yet, to be _together_.

Kate started walking down the path leading to the beach and he followed her, glad that the rain hid the tears running down his face.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"Easy. That's good. That was good. Okay, one more," Kate encouraged Sawyer as she helped him do some physical therapy for his shoulder.

After their kiss in the rain, the previous day, they had each headed to their own shelter to get changed. Later, they had sat in the company of the other castaways, side by side near the fire. They hadn't touched; they hadn't talk, they were just content to be close to one another. They feared they'd say something to ruin it all: and given their history, it wouldn't have been surprising.

But come morning they had naturally looked for one another and she had gladly agreed to help him with the exercises Jack had recommended. Now she was really close to him and had to restrain herself from kissing him. Thankfully they were surrounded by people going about their business and that was enough to stop her. They weren't ready to be a couple, let alone everybody knowing they had feelings for one another. So she settled for lingering touches and warm smiles and Sawyer seemed to enjoy those just fine, thanking her with big, dimpled grins.

They had gone back to their usual teasing banter and she took great pleasure in it. But a question was nagging her, and she didn't really know how to ask him. What if he got angry again?

But after a while, noticing she seemed preoccupied, Sawyer was the one to break the ice.

"Something wrong, Freckles?" he wondered, his brow furrowed.

Kate almost shook her head, ready to deny anything was bothering her. But then she realised that if they ever wanted to be _together_, they had to be able to talk to each other, to reveal themselves little by little. She had to know who he really was, and asking this question was as good a start as any. So she took a deep breath and asked, trying to be casual:

"I was just wondering… What's your last name?"

Immediately his concerned look transformed into a threatening one and Kate almost took a step back. But she stopped, not allowing herself to be intimidated. No, she wasn't going to let him push her away every time she got a little closer.

"Don't give me that look," she lectured him mockingly. She gave him a million dollar smile and she saw him relax a bit.

For a moment, he seemed to consider if he'd tell her or not, but then replied, his voice low:

"Ford."

Knowing how much it had cost him to tell her that, she grinned gratefully. He seemed to understand and a smile slowly returned to his tanned face.

Not wanting to push it but still having many questions about the previous day's events, Kate asked:

"How do you think the man knew your name?"

"I have no idea," Sawyer replied, looking as bewildered as she did.

"Do you believe it? What he said?"

He returned the question.

"Do you?"

She sighed.

"I'd give anything for a second chance," she said softly. "How about you? Do you think you can be the person you used to be? _James_?"

Sawyer planted his eyes into hers and she saw a smidgen of fear inside them.

"Sweetheart, I think we're already on the road to change. Whether we like it or not, whether Zeke was right or not."

They stared at each other for a few seconds, each pondering over his words and the meaning they held as far as their relationship was concerned. Were they responsible for the tiny, gradual changes taking place in one another?

"Yeah, you might be right…" Kate finally replied, tearing her eyes from his. Gazing to her left, she saw Jack exiting his tent and putting his backpack on, and that lead her to add: "Jack doesn't seem to agree, though."

A sarcastic smile appeared on Sawyer's lips.

"Well, Freckles, I think we might just end up with a Jack problem. Who'd have guessed two months ago that the good doctor had so much self-improving to do?" he sneered.

Kate chuckled.

"Oh, come on, Sawyer," she reprimanded him with a big grin on her face. "After all he's done for you, can't you be a little nicer to him?"

"Do you know the difference between Jack and God, Freckles?" he retorted.

She shook her head, amused. Still smiling, Sawyer leaned in and said, in a confidential tone:

"God knows he isn't Jack."

She burst out laughing, but sobered up as she noticed Jack coming towards them.

"I'm on button duty now," she said regretfully. She'd have rather stayed here with him than go spend the better part of her day down inside the hatch.

"With whom?" Sawyer wondered, glancing at the doctor, too.

"Jack."

"Ah, of course," he said, not trying to hide his displeasure.

He looked almost jealous, almost worried she'd still prefer Jack over him and Kate couldn't resist finding it cute. Without really thinking, she leaned in and, trying to prevent Jack from seeing her, quickly kissed Sawyer on the cheek.

"I'll see you in six hours, Sawyer."

The foolish grin that had followed Kate's peck on the cheek had gradually disappeared as Sawyer had started thinking about what the man had said, and how he himself had told Kate that they were changing anyway. Okay, maybe they, maybe _he_ could change to some extent, but some things were never going to change, he knew it. He HAD killed a man, an innocent man. How could he ever make amends for that? How could he ever forgive himself? James Ford had vanished a long time ago and Sawyer had a hard time believing he could ever come back.

"How is it going, James?" he suddenly heard, putting an end to his reverie.

He looked up and met Locke's gaze.

"Just fine, _John_," he replied sarcastically, putting the emphasis on the last word. Would the man ever stop calling him that?

Locke didn't falter and, not waiting for an invitation, sat in the sand beside Sawyer who sighed internally. What did this nutty bushman want from him now?

"So, are you joining Jack's army?" John asked bluntly.

Sawyer's brow furrowed.

"What army?" he wondered.

"Jack wants to attack the Others and get our people back," John began. "He doesn't believe in the island, in what it has to give us all. He wants to use force to get what he wants. What he needs."

For once, Sawyer didn't think Jacko was completely in the wrong. Could they really afford the luxury of thinking the Others were just going to give them Walt back some day? He didn't think they could. What was he going through while they sat on their behinds?

"I'm not sure I blame him. I mean, it's just a tad crazy to think that a frigging island could _change our lives_. I might agree with the Doc on this: if we want Walt and the gang back, we might have to take the matter into our own hands."

"So you think attacking people is our only option? Don't you want to believe in a second chance, James?"

Sawyer's jaw clenched.

"There might just be people who don't deserve a second chance."

Locke nodded and didn't say a thing for a moment.

"I think you should give believing a try, James. It's a leap of faith. I jumped. Follow me."

"Well, I'll think about that, Kojak," Sawyer replied wryly.

Locke nodded once again and had a little smile.

"So, I noticed earlier that you and Kate had made up, James."

Now Sawyer had enough. Locke had to be doing this on purpose, calling him by the first name he wasn't worthy of anymore.

"Will you quit calling me that?" he exploded, exasperated.

But, as always, John remained perfectly calm.

"That's your name, isn't it?"

Ever since Locke had asked him why he had picked the name 'Sawyer', he had wondered what Locke wasn't telling him. He hadn't asked him that question for nothing, Sawyer was certain of it. So he decided to find out.

"Why do you think I got the name from someone?" he asked, curiosity lacing his voice.

"You want people to call you 'Sawyer' instead of James Ford for a reason. I'm sure you didn't just open the phone book and pick that one. So, who did you get it from?"

Sawyer dodged the question once again.

"Why are you so interested?"

Locke remained silent for a short moment, his gaze lingering on the Pacific Ocean in front of him.

"Because 'Sawyer' was one of the aliases the man who changed my life for the worse used. Since there are definitely no coincidences on this island, I'm guessing we've known the same conman. And I figure that you could have taken the name of the man you loathed for only one reason."

Although very troubled by John's revelation and how close he was to the truth, Sawyer had to know more. So he asked:

"Which would be..?"

Locke rested his intense gaze on Sawyer.

"Because you hate yourself, too. Because you became the man you abhorred."

Stunned with Locke's perspicacity, Sawyer didn't utter a word. But John didn't wait for him to regain his senses and got up.

"Whatever you did, you'll never be him, James. Never."

And he left, leaving a very shaken up Sawyer behind.

Meanwhile, inside the hatch, Jack and Kate were discussing the subject of the hour, and Kate didn't like what she was hearing. She had always looked up to Jack, always believed he was a better person than she was. But now she was beginning to have some doubts.

Jack had told her he was planning to get an army ready, which he would then lead to the Others' camp (of course they'd have to find it, first) and get Walt and the tailies who had been kidnapped back.

And he wanted her to be part of that army.

Kate couldn't really blame him for not believing what 'Zeke' had told them, but what was making her uncomfortable was the detached, impulsive way Jack had decided to use force against other human beings. Yes, those Others had done wrong. But shouldn't they try to come up with a plan than wouldn't endanger the lives of so many? What would happen if they declared war on those people? They had to _at least _consider the possible consequences of their actions, and right now Jack wasn't doing that at all.

"I understand we have to do something, Jack, but there's got to be another way," she stated.

"Yeah, like _changing_?" he sneered.

"With everything that we've seen on this island, don't you think there's a remote chance that the man could have said the truth?" she asked.

"Even if it were true, do you think all six of us could change? Do you think Sawyer could?" he said with a sarcastic smile. "I bet this guy did some pretty bad stuff in his life."

"So you think… you think that only bad people do bad things? Don't you think a good person, put in a certain situation, could do awful things? Even kill someone?" she said, her eyes pleading with his. She had to know he believed in her, even though he knew she had been flying with a federal marshal.

Jack seemed to understand what she was implying, but he wasn't going to butter things up for her. That just wasn't who he was.

"I really doubt that, Kate," he said gently, trying not to hurt her too much. "I think you're either good or bad, that's as simple as that."

Kate was shaken up by his admission. Jack saw the world, the people, as black or white. Then how could he believe in her, when he knew she was a fugitive, a criminal? In Jack's book, that meant no possible redemption, she now saw it clearly. Her fragile self-esteem took a hit.

"We are what we are, Kate. We can't pretend the past didn't happen," he continued, giving her a meaningful look. "But that doesn't really matter. As I told you, I don't believe what the man said. All I know is that we've got to get Walt back, and that you can help me."

Sadly, Kate realised that Jack could be a friend, could rely on her when they went on adventures, find her _useful_, but that he could never forget she had done wrong things in the past. He would always feel superior to her.

Slightly irritated by her silence, Jack tried to close the deal.

"Kate, I need to know you're on my side."

Feeling like Jack only needed her to satisfy his need for heroism, to fix things _his_ way, Kate made her decision. For years, she had considered herself as the worse person in the universe. But now she agreed with Sawyer: over the course of the last two months, she had begun to believe she wasn't all that bad. She needed to trust that it was the truth, or she'd go crazy. What had she got to lose anyway?

So she decided that she wasn't going to be Jack's sidekick on his way to glory.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I have to believe."

Jack seemed to be hurt, but she didn't care. Desperate to end the conversation, she declared she was going to take a shower and left the room.

Once more, Sawyer hit the log forcefully. He had been here for hours, hitting and chopping, sweating and trying to push Locke's words away from his mind.

Even though John had said that he could never be Frank Sawyer, he didn't believe him. Locke had an agenda: he wanted 'the Six' to unlock the island's mystery and he had probably only told him that he could be redeemed to achieve his goal. Anyway, nothing John could ever say would convinced Sawyer he was worth being saved.

Maybe he could have been a great person if Frank hadn't entered his life. But he had, and the damage was done. His kiss with Kate had made him forget, for a few blissful hours, that he was a disgusting human being, but now his hatred for himself had came back full force. 

Sawyer sighed deeply before raising the axe again. Kate. The sun was setting down; she had certainly been out of the hatch for hours. Maybe she was looking for him? He felt like going to her; maybe that would make the hurt he was experiencing go away. But he quickly dismissed the idea. The pain he was going through right now was his, his only. And he deserved to be hurting.

That was his destiny, he thought as he hit the log, which split in two. In a way, he had to believe that he was as bad as Frank Sawyer. Who would he be without that façade? He didn't know how to be James anymore. And although he didn't want to believe that this island was special, the fact that John had known the same conman he had was very disturbing. What were the odds of that? Locke was right: there were no coincidences here and that scared him. What else was he going to have to face?

He missed the blessed old days, before the crash of flight 815. His life had been going in a downward spiral, but he didn't care one bit that it was. Now things were different. He was confronting his inner demons much too often for his taste. Plus, now a part of him didn't want to fall into the black hole he used to regard indifferently. A part of him wanted to love and be loved, wanted a chance to be happy… with Kate.

But that would never be possible, he knew it, and his jaw clenched at the thought. Angry and hurt, he prepared to hit the poor log once more. But as he did, he heard some noise in the bushes.

He stopped dead, listening.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

After six tense and mostly silent hours, Kate had finally exited the hatch. Still shaken up by her discussion with Jack, she had decided not to go back to the beach, needing to be alone. She wished she could seek comfort from Sawyer, but she knew discussing Jack with him wasn't the best of ideas.

She had headed into the jungle, finding a big tree to climb and settling on one of its high branches. There, she had let her thoughts wander to Jack and what would never be.

From the moment she had sewed his back injury, they had been a team. Every adventure he had gone on, she had been there. Every decision that had to be made, she and Jack had been part of, relying on each other. At one point, she had even believed she had feelings for him. Those had turned out not to be love, but still she cared about him, respected him and the realisation that he didn't consider her as highly hurt her deeply.

But, of course, Jack wasn't really to be blamed, she thought sadly. It was only natural, considering what he knew about her background, that he'd think that way. But she would still have hoped that he'd put more value on the on the firsthand experience he had of her character, rather than on her past mistakes.

Feeling miserable and worthless, she closed her eyes, letting fall the tears she had held up for so long. Even during her loneliest time on the run, even when she had thought about the lives she had destroyed, she had remained somewhat strong. Or maybe 'numb' would be a more appropriate way to describe how she had been. That was the only method she had found to cope with the guilt that plagued her.

But everything had been different from the moment she had set foot on this island. More than once, she had been confronted with her past, with her reasons for doing what she had done, and that had proved incredibly difficult. She used to run from all that, but, here, there was nowhere to go.

For a while, she had hoped that someone as good as Jack Shepard could have considered her a good person. Since he didn't know about her past mistakes, maybe he'd base his opinion on the way she was on this island?

But those illusions hadn't lasted very long. Soon enough, he had learned she was a criminal and she had to live with that burden again. She hated what she did, she was filled with remorse. But still, she would have hoped that he wouldn't judge her without knowing what and _why_ she had done what she had.

The only person that didn't judge her was Sawyer. Of course, he had done awful things, too, so it was easier for him to understand her and she was grateful to have found such a person. But her heart had chosen him over Jack for other reasons, too.

Comforted by the memory of him holding her tight, Kate's tears dried up. No man had ever stirred such deep feelings inside of her. Just remembering how vulnerable he had been when he had admitted he cared for her, still sent shivers down her spine. And the way he had kissed her… If possible, that kiss had left her even weaker in the knees than their first one. Of course, he was sexy as hell, but her attraction to him was so much more profound than that. Proof being that she hadn't gotten the urge to run away from him after they had admitted their feelings for one another, as she always had with other men.

It meant so much to her that he was slowly opening up to her. He had even told her about his last name and she still couldn't believe it. She recognized how it had cost him to do such thing, to tell her about that person he thought he wasn't worth being anymore. And she was grateful that he had trusted her enough to reveal this information to her.

Sighing, Kate acknowledged the fact that she now knew more about him then he knew about her. He didn't even know what she had done to end up escorted by a marshal. If she truly wanted to change, to face the black cloud, maybe the first step she should take would be to be more open with him about her past? Maybe this way he'd realise he wasn't alone?

The sun was now beginning to go down, but she didn't feel like going back to camp. Maybe Sawyer was looking for her? He couldn't track to save his life, she thought with a smile. She didn't think she could talk to him about what was bothering her, but maybe an evening of meaningless banter would do her good?

Kate grabbed her backpack and a minute later she was touching ground again and heading toward the beach.

A few minutes later, Kate heard the sound of an axe hitting a piece of wood, so she headed in that direction. It was probably Sawyer and she needed to see him, even if it was just to let him know she was alive.

As she entered the clearing, the first thing she saw was a shirtless Sawyer, brandishing an axe over his shoulder and looking at her. Her eyes met his and the haunted look she saw in Sawyer's must have mirrored her own.

She wondered if something had happened to him while she was gone. But now wasn't a good time to ask, she sensed it. She should let him decide whether or not he wanted to tell her about what was upsetting him. Anyway, she had had enough of sensible subjects for one day. So she just smiled at Sawyer and said lightly:

"I stole some chocolate chip cookies from the hatch. Want to share?"

She saw a flash of hesitation in his gaze, but then he wearily put down his axe, as if he was tired of fighting. Something was definitely going on with him. But his usual mocking expression slowly returned to his face.

"A good looking girl offering cookies… how could I say no?" he replied with forced enthusiasm. Kate thought he seemed kind of sad. She'd rarely seen him that way and it broke her heart.

Sawyer took a step towards her, but she stopped him.

"Not so fast, cowboy. I'll trade you cookies for some of those logs," she said playfully, pointing at the result of his day's work. "I want to build a fire near my tent."

Her retort seemed to amuse Sawyer, who replied, with a genuine smile:

"Well, I see you've learned from the master, Sassafrass."

She grinned, too.

"Is that a yes?"

Sawyer nodded.

"You know what they say, Freckles, the best way of getting to a man is through his stomach."

"So I heard."

She watched him while he put his shirt back on and grabbed enough wood to build a nice fire. They then headed to camp, glad they weren't alone anymore.

"There you go, Madam, will there be anything else?" Sawyer asked as he put one last log in the strong fire now burning beside Kate's place.

He glanced at Kate, who was sitting down on a blanket she had spread out, saying they could act like they were having a picnic. She was enjoying the fire's comforting warmth and he sat beside her. It felt so good to be near her again. Earlier, he had decided he wasn't the comfort she could provide. But having her in front of him, asking him to join her… That had been a whole other ball game. He just didn't have the willpower to push her away anymore.

Kate smiled and reached for her backpack. As she took the pack of cookies out of it, she joked:

"I'd ask you to rub my feet, but that might be pushing it a bit."

As she finished her sentence, a naughty grin spread on Sawyer's face and to his delight she looked away shyly. He was about to make a comment that would certainly make her blush when she hurriedly put her fingers on his lips and said:

"No, don't say a thing. Let's just eat the cookies."

They shared a knowing look and he smiled so widely that his dimples were showing. Being with Kate like this, he could almost forget about Frank Sawyer and all of his own sins. Seeing her smile to him, he could almost believe that one day they'd be a real couple, that they'd find a way to be happy together.

She handed him a Dharma cookie, trying to act light-heartedly, but he wasn't buying it. She seemed somewhat sad; something was troubling her, he was certain of it. Body language had become his specialty as a conman. Immediately, Sawyer forgot about his own problems and grew concerned for her. Had something happened while in the hatch with Jack?

His dislike for Jack increased exponentially and he cursed him, but he didn't know what to do. Should he ask her what was wrong? Leave her some space?

As if she could sense his worry, she met his gaze briefly, before looking down blankly at the cookie she was holding. Without even taking a bite out of it, Kate put it back in its package. They didn't even need to say it out loud: they both knew it was pointless to keep pretending they were carefree and cheerful at the moment.

They sat there for long minutes, silent, their eyes fixed on the orange flames glowing in front of them. Without looking at Sawyer, Kate finally murmured, just loud enough for him to hear:

"So you were eight when… when it happened?"

He tensed at her words, hating to be reminded of that terrible day when his father had killed his mother before taking his own life. After a few seconds, he realised he was holding his breath and released it as he whispered gloomily:

"Yeah."

Still watching the fire, Kate wrapped her arms around herself and pondered on his answer for a moment. Then, as though she had been talking to herself, she said:

"So maybe it isn't that crazy… us being the numbers," she said with hope lacing her voice. She seemed as though she was trying to convince herself that this could really be the lifebuoy she had been wishing for. She turned her head to face him and their eyes briefly met as she began:

"I was four when my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I loved my father, Sam. He was in the military. I went everywhere with him, spending every minute I could with him. He taught me all I know about surviving outdoors…"

She paused, but Sawyer didn't dare move or speak, sensing how hard it was for her to say these things.

"I was desperate when he left me with my mother," she continued. "She and I didn't have the best of relationships. I begged him to take me with him, but he said he couldn't. I felt so… worthless, so bad… If I had been a good girl, he would have taken me with him, wouldn't he?"

Kate pressed her lips together, lost in her thoughts, almost oblivious to Sawyer's presence next to her.

"After he left, my mother didn't waste a second hooking up with that man… Wayne. He spent his days at the diner where she worked, useless… He beat her, but she stayed with him anyway. And I hated it. I hated him, the way he treated her, the way he looked at me… The way the look of the people changed when they saw me. I used to feel proud of who I was, of my family. But when Wayne entered my life… then I saw pity in their eyes and it was the worst feeling of all."

Once again, she paused, taking a deep breath before speaking again.

"Well, that was the worst feeling I had ever known till then, because the worst feeling of all was the way I felt when, four years ago, I learned that Sam wasn't my real father… and that Wayne was."

For the first time since she had started talking, she glanced at Sawyer, obviously trying to find in him the strength she needed to go on with the hardest part of her story. He tried to convey with his blue eyes just how much he felt for her and gaining a little comfort, she resumed staring at the fire.

"And then I hated him even more. He had driven my father away. He was an awful, disgusting man and… he was a part of me. I could never change that, no matter what I did. I would never be good. I would never have anything good… It drove me crazy. That's why I… I blew him up."

"You blew him up?" Sawyer couldn't stop himself from repeating, his voice expressing a mix of incredulity and of vague admiration. That woman would never cease to amaze him.

Kate had a worn out, tiny smile. Only Sawyer could make her see some humour in such a terrible thing. But the grin quickly faded. She seemed positively wiped out. No wonder why, Sawyer told himself. Kate had always struck him as a strong woman, but right now she looked like the façade was beginning to crack. She needed to be the weak one for once, and he had to be there for her, to support her, to allow her to lean on him.

He couldn't remember ever comforting someone. In fact, he didn't even really know how to do such a thing. Sawyer found himself thinking back to a time before his life was destroyed. He recalled how his mother made everything all better when he needed comfort as a little boy.

"Come here," he whispered, opening up his arms for her, just as his mother used to do. To his surprise, it didn't feel awkward. In fact, it felt just right.

Kate moved closer to him and, like it was the most natural thing in the world, he wrapped his arms around her gently. She rested her head on his shoulder and was still for a moment. Holding her like that made Sawyer feel good, feel… adequate. Needed.

Quietly, Kate started to cry, letting go of part of the weight that had been crushing her for so long, and Sawyer wished he could do more to comfort her.

"It's okay, Kate, it's okay… I'm here…" he murmured.

After a few minutes, Kate dried up her tears and raised her head, trying to catch Sawyer's gaze.

"Thank you," she said gratefully when she did.

Her eyes were red and puffy, but the sight only made Sawyer want to kiss her. He had always loved Kate's toughness; but seeing her vulnerable like that made his heart swell. He was about to lean in and capture her lips when she spoke again.

"Jack wants to raise an army, and he wanted me to join him," she revealed. "But I can't, Sawyer, I can't. I don't want to hurt anyone again."

Her voice broke, but after a second she went on.

"I can't live with that guilt anymore, I need to believe that I could be happy again. I've made my choice… I'm on Locke's side. How about you? Who do you choose? Jack or John?"

She was looking at him intently, eager to hear his answer. Sawyer knew all too well what she wanted to hear; she wanted him to adhere to John's theory. But he knew it wasn't a matter of choosing either of the men. For him, there really wasn't any choice to make. Whether he consciously wanted it or not, one path was calling out to him. He couldn't really believe in what Locke said, in a second chance. But he couldn't push it away either. Helping Jack attack the Others and trying to work on himself: one didn't have to exclude the other.

Only one thing was clear in his mind. He planted his gaze in hers and said:

"I choose you."

Kate looked at him, eyes watering. That wasn't exactly the answer she was hoping for, he knew it, but it seemed to touch her deeply.

They didn't move or speak until the fire started to wane. Warm enough with the contact of their bodies, they then lay down on the blanket and let sleep take them.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

The sound of Aaron's cries woke Kate up at the crack of dawn.

Emerging from slumber, she lifted her head from Sawyer's chest. Her movement caused him to stir.

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily.

"Baby's crying," she replied.

"It's your turn," he mumbled, turning to face her, but not opening his eyes.

"What?" Kate exclaimed, bewildered.

A sly smile appeared on Sawyer's lips as he finally looked at her.

"Gotcha."

Kate tried hard to repress a grin, but without much success, and it only caused his own smile to widen. He was just plain gorgeous and she sat up, hoping her thoughts wouldn't show. She had imagined quite a few times how it'd be to wake up next to him, and now that it was happening, she felt kind of nervous. 'Good' nervous, of course.

"Jerk," she said, obviously not meaning it.

But Sawyer pretended to be offended as he sat up, too.

"Well Freckles, waking up by your side was a really fantastic moment," he said with mock disappointment, and she knew he had fantasized about that instant before, too. Suddenly she felt so close to him, so happy in his presence. She'd have wanted this moment to last forever. She felt the urge to kiss him in every fibre of her body and was about to surrender to it when he said:

"I should go back to my own palace. Or our little picnic is going to be the new lead item on the coconut internet," he said as a joke, although they both knew he was serious.

Kate nodded regretfully.

"Yeah, you're right," she agreed as she removed a strand of hair from her face.

But as Sawyer was beginning to stand up, she put her hand on his forearm. Their eyes met.

"Thanks for staying," she simply said.

For a split second, Sawyer seemed moved, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Anytime, Freckles."

They exchanged a smile and he walked away, heading to his tent as Aaron finally stopped crying.

When Sawyer walked inside his tent, he almost collapsed on his cot. He felt exhausted. Of course, he hadn't gotten much sleep that night, but the fact was that those hours with Kate had been emotionally draining.

He was glad that she had trusted him enough to tell him about her past, about her crime. He wished he could do the same thing, let her know that he had killed an innocent man. But how would she react if he told her? He cringed at the thought. She'd probably never lay her eyes on him again… wouldn't she? She had murdered a disgusting guy; he had shot an innocent man to death. He wasn't worth being the one to comfort her when she needed it, he knew it all too clearly.

Sawyer clenched his fists. No, he wasn't going to go down that road again. Kate wanted him, he kept repeating himself. She thought he could be redeemed and he wasn't going to ruin the chance he'd never, ever dared to hope for.

But the last hours had been so emotionally charged, they had been so close, that now he felt like he needed a breather. He needed the intensity of their relationship to decrease a notch. He smiled to himself: intensity didn't use to have the same meaning for him. His thoughts drifted to the memory of the shower he had taken in the hatch a few days ago, when Kate had washed his hair.

He didn't want to push her away, but this was all a bit overwhelming. Suddenly he needed to think about something else. He looked through his tent to find something to read, but he then remembered he had lost those darn glasses on the raft.

Desperate, he decided to go through the abandoned luggage that was kept under a tent a bit further down the beach. Maybe there was a chance he could find glasses not too far from his own prescription?

So with the rest of the camp still asleep, Sawyer left his tent.

Sawyer was going through his eleventh suitcase, growing more and more irritated as he went through a stock of gigantic male underwear. The owner should have used it as a parachute when the plane had started to go down, he thought sarcastically.

He was about to just thrown the damn case in frustration when he stumbled upon a giant pair of glasses. He tried them on: bingo. Of course he probably looked like a dork, but he wasn't to win the Crap-hole Island Most Popular Guy title anytime soon anyway.

Feeling triumphant, he was about to leave the tent when he heard voices.

"Hey Michael," Jack said, probably standing only a few feet shy of the tent.

"Hey Jack! What's up, man?"

"Listen, Michael, I need to talk to you."

"Is this about Walt?" Michael wondered, a trace of worry lacing his voice.

Jack paused a second then replied:

"Michael, I'm raising an army to go get Walt and the others back."

"An army? How many people joined you?" Michael asked eagerly.

"As of now there's Ana, Sayid and Charlie. I'm sure you're in?"

"Sure, man, I'm with you. I'd do anything to get my boy back."

"Great."

From what Sawyer could figure out, Jack took a few steps away, but Michael stopped him.

"What's the plan exactly, Jack?" he asked a little hesitantly.

"I'm not entirely sure yet, but I'll keep you posted," Jack replied, so sure of himself it almost caused Sawyer to be sick. "You'll be the first to know when I make up my mind."

"Okay. Thanks for doing this, man. You don't have to risk your life for my boy."

"I'm glad I can help, that's all," Jack said with detachment.

Sawyer rolled his eyes. The Doc had his own reasons for going for Walt and those weren't that selfless, Sawyer was certain of that. Jack wanted to go after the Others to prove Locke wrong, probably, but also because he needed to be the hero, the one to set things right. Sawyer had suspected that since the time he, Jack and Locke had went out looking for Michael, but now he saw it more clearly than ever.

"I'll talk to you later, Michael."

"See you, Jack."

"Oh, by the way, Michael, I don't plan on telling anyone about the six numbers bullsit. I only want people to know the Others don't intend to give us our people back."

"I won't say a word," Michael assured him.

As he waited for the two men to leave, Sawyer smiled to himself. That conversation had been really interesting. He had duly noticed how Michael had surrendered the decision making process to Jack… even if it was about his own son. Poor Michael had a few things to learn about taking control of his destiny, he thought. Sawyer laughed silently. He had found just the way to piss the good doctor off.

After Sawyer had left her, Kate had thought of getting more sleep, but she just couldn't close her eyes. Telling him about her past, knowing that he didn't think less of her after hearing the truth, knowing that he could _understand_ suddenly made her feel free and liberated. As she wished to herself that he too could unburden himself, Kate felt bad: the previous night had been all about her, she hadn't even tried to get him to talk about what was upsetting him when she had found him chopping wood.

Guiltily, she promised herself she'd try to make him talk about it as soon as she'd get the chance. But she was far from convinced he would accept to talk to her…

And now, with the sun at its zenith, not knowing what to do with herself, Kate paid Claire and Aaron a little visit. She felt a little apprehensive about her next meeting with Sawyer. Things had gone well when they'd woken up, but now that moment was gone and she wondered if her confession would change things between them. Had it been too much, too soon?

Being with Claire, chitchatting about Aaron proved to be a good way of forgetting those fears, until they spotted Sawyer coming out of the ocean, wearing only his boxer shorts.

Claire smiled at the view.

"'I'm not really attracted to bad boys, but… I have to admit I could get used to that sight," she commented with a playful smile.

A bit surprised, Kate shot a look at Claire and they started to giggle like silly teenage girls, until they heard:

"Enjoying the view, ladies?" a self-assured voice wondered, startling them.

Claire looked away from Sawyer, blushing, while Kate held his gaze with a half-smile. Grinning widely, he winked at her and went on his way.

"No need to be embarrassed, Claire. Actually, you just made his day," she told her friend.

"Yeah, probably," Claire grinned in return before adding, "So I see you and Sawyer spend a lot of time together since he came back…"

Like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, Kate was about to deny it, but Claire went on:

"I saw you two this morning… on the beach."

"It's not what you think," Kate said defensively.

Claire smiled.

"I don't blame you, you know. He isn't a bad person after all. He's always been nice to me and Aaron. And I know that he'd be there for us if we ever needed anything."

Kate nodded. She was starting to think that it would actually be possible to talk to Claire about her feelings for Sawyer. She was so unused to having a girlfriend to talk to, it had become second nature to keep everything to herself.

"You're pretty perceptive," Kate noted.

Claire chuckled.

"It's not that I'm really observant or anything, but since I'm stuck here most of the time, I see many things."

She suddenly looked ashamed and added:

"Not that I don't love being here with Aaron," she explained, gazing adoringly at her son who was sleeping in his crib. "After wanting to give him away… I never thought I'd love him so much, you see? Now I know I'd do anything for him."

"I know that too, Claire," Kate said reassuringly, putting her hand on her friend's forearm.

They sat there for a moment, not talking, until Kate spoke again.

"Did you see someone talk to Sawyer yesterday?"

"I saw John stopping by his tent."

Kate pondered on that piece of information. What could Locke have said to Sawyer that might have disturbed him?

"Anyone else?"

"I didn't see anybody. Not long after that, he headed inside the jungle. Why?"

"It's just… He was upset last night, but I don't know why," Kate explained. She looked down. "I sort of took the floor last night with my own… baggage."

Claire gently squeezed Kate's hand.

"If you ever want to talk about that… I would never judge you, you know. We all did things we're not proud of."

Kate had a small, weak smile.

"Well, I'd love to explain everything to you, Claire, but I'm afraid it would be a little overwhelming right now…"

Claire froze at her words and Kate was suddenly afraid she had offended her.

"I didn't mean-" she begun, but Claire raised her hand, stopping her.

"What you said…I think… It sounded familiar, that's all. It… it reminded me of Ethan."


	13. Chapter 13

A/N: Spoilers for ep. 2x15 Maternity Leave, if you haven't seen it yet.

**Chapter 13**

"Reminded you of Ethan?" Kate repeated, shocked. "Do you mean you're starting to remember about your… abduction?"

Looking pale, Claire nodded.

"I… I just remembered him showing me a crib… There was a… a plane mobile over it. Ethan told me to turn it on… It played Catch a Falling Star."

Claire suddenly stood up, very agitated.

"I've got to find out what they did to my baby, Kate!" she shouted.

Kate stood up, too, and tried to quieten Claire down by putting her hands on her shoulders.

"Claire, calm down. Are you sure you want to know? Maybe some things are better left unknown…" Kate tried, although she imagined she would have reacted exactly as Claire was.

"I have to know! Aaron is my son! I need to protect him!"

At this instant, Aaron started to cry. Suddenly quieter, Claire went to her son.

"Shhh… Mommy's here, sweetheart…" she whispered to him, gently rocking his cradle. But the baby wouldn't stop crying and Claire bent to pick him up.

As she did, she blanched.

"He's burning up," Claire told Kate, obviously distressed.

"I'll get Jack, Claire, don't worry," Kate said calmly. "We'll be right back."

Claire briefly nodded as she tried her best to comfort her crying baby. Kate quickly walked away to find Jack. In a way, she was glad to be back in action; she had done enough introspection over the last few hours to last her a year. Her steps rapid and assured, she made her way down to the hatch, where she knew she'd find Jack.

As she entered the hatch, Kate scanned her surroundings to find Jack. Michael and Charlie were sitting on the couch, listening to some music as they fulfilled their button duty. She finally found Jack standing near the kitchen counter, washing up a glass. She approached him, a little apprehensive about talking to him. After all, it would be their first interaction since she'd refuse to join his army.

"Jack," she said, and he briefly raised his head to look at her before going back to his chore.

"What?" he asked evenly.

"Aaron's got a fever. Claire wants you to come and check him up."

Jack looked somewhat concerned at her words and finally put the glass down.

"Let me get my stuff, I'll be right there," he replied, still avoiding her gaze.

But Kate didn't move. She and Jack had been through too much together for them to just let their disagreement come between them. The longer they waited to talk about it, the harder it would become to save their relationship. She may not love him, he might think she was a bad person, but Jack Shepard meant a lot to her and she was going to do something about it.

"Jack, is this how it's going to be from now on?" Kate asked as he came back with his bag and walked past her.

Jack suddenly stopped and sighed deeply before facing her.

"I'm just… surprised," he explained, although Kate guessed that what he really meant was 'disappointed'. "I never thought you'd believe such delusional bullsit, Kate."

"Can't we just agree to disagree, Jack? I don't want to lose your friendship over this."

She knew his opinion of her would never change; he'd always consider her as a criminal. She also believed he thought less of her since she had refused to join him. Something was broken between them that day, something that would probably never be repaired. But she didn't want him to push her away totally. She liked Jack and wanted to stay friends with him, but she had to admit to herself that she also had less noble motives in wanting to be close to him: she didn't want to be kicked out of the A-team. She needed to be part of the action, to be one of the selected few that knew everything about what was going on on the island. And having Jack's approval was the way to achieve just that.

Jack's gaze met hers and for a few seconds he seemed to ponder on his response. Finally, he nodded.

"Okay, Kate. Let's try to put our differences aside."

"Thanks, Jack," she replied gratefully before mentally kicking herself. Whatever she did, she would always feel inferior to him. She would always try to prove to him she was good. But she hated to act like he was doing her a favour in allowing her to be his friend. Shouldn't _he_ also be thankful for having _her_ as a pal?

They didn't add another word until they arrived at Claire's tent. She was holding Aaron, rocking him gently. He had stopped crying, but he went at it again when Jack approached him.

"Jack, he has a fever," Claire announced, clearly worried.

"Babies get sick, Claire," Jack stated as he examined Aaron. "It's probably rosiola, a typical virus that's common in children his age. A rash will probably appear in the next couple of days."

"Okay, what if it's not? What if he caught something really bad, like some kind of infection?"

"Claire, if he caught something else, we'll deal with it as best as we can with the medication we have. But for now, I don't see any reason to worry."

"But Jack…" Claire tried one more time.

"I'll check on him in a few hours. In the meantime, make sure he gets as much sleep as he can."

And after that last advice, Jack headed to his tent. When he was out of earshot, Claire said:

"That woman from the tail section… Libby? She's a clinical psychologist, isn't she?"

"Yeah…" Kate replied, knowing what Claire was getting at and unsure she liked the idea.

"She might know how to make me remember. I'm going to see her."

Kate almost asked Claire if she was sure about this, but one look at her convinced her that her friend was determined to do this.

"I'll go with you."

Claire had a relieved smile.

"Will you watch Aaron for me, then? Charlie has button duty and won't be back for a while…"

"Of course I will."

While Claire was with Libby, Kate was holding Aaron. He had been crying ever since Claire had given him to her, so she had had to walk away from the two women to give them some peace and quiet.

Desperately trying to stop the baby from crying, Kate was rocking him in her arms, walking incessantly up and down the beach.

"Playing nanny, Freckles?" Sawyer said as he suddenly appeared next to her. "Boy, you don't seem to have the touch with babies, do you?" he winced.

At the sound of Sawyer's voice, Aaron suddenly stopped crying and looked around to see where it came from. Sawyer walked closer and was about to make another mocking comment when Aaron caught sight of him and smiled. Sawyer was stunned and Kate couldn't help but grin.

"Hey, he seems to like you," Kate said with a teasing smile. "He hasn't forgotten how you used to read to him. Here, hold him."

But a terrified looking Sawyer stepped back. As he did, Aaron couldn't see him anymore and started to cry again. Looking up, Kate noticed something in Sawyer's eyes that seemed like pride to her. He couldn't totally hide how it pleased him that the baby was fond of him.

"Hold him," she repeated, putting Aaron in his arms so he had no choice but to take him. The sight was worth a million dollars and Kate felt her heart melt. Bad boy Sawyer looked real cute with a newborn in his strong hands.

"Hey big fellow," Sawyer gently whispered to the baby. "You missed your Uncle Jimmy, didn't you?"

With extreme difficulty, Kate stopped herself from bursting out laughing at his words. But she still made a unequivocal sound and Sawyer lifted his head to look at her.

"What?" he growled menacingly. But there was a very faint trace of amusement in his eyes and Kate discerned it.

"Nothing," she lied, trying not to chuckle.

"I swear, if you ever repeat this to ANYONE, I will-"

But as he was enunciating his threat, they heard Claire scream. They hurried up to her and Libby as they stood a little further down the beach.

"It's okay, you're alright. It's okay. It's okay," Libby kept repeating to Claire who was very disturbed.

"I remembered! I saw Ethan. He was there and he was giving me an exam."

"Claire, what you saw could be combining experiences of what happened before the crash to the night you were having dreams here on the island," Libby explained, but Claire wasn't convinced.

"No, I know this was real. I was drugged. He did something to me."

"Claire, you need to calm down, alright. It's not good for Aaron," Kate intervened.

Claire took the baby from Sawyer and said:

"You know what? Aaron is sick. I need to find that place. That room is real. It's real. And there's medicine there for the baby. I need to find it. I need to find it. Kate, please help me find it," she pleaded.

Kate and Sawyer exchanged a glance that said it all. They knew it was pointless to try and stop Claire. The best they could do was to go with her and make sure she was safe.

"We'll go with you," Kate assured Claire. "We'll get a few guns and meet you back at your tent, Claire."

But Claire shook her head.

"I know you'll have to ask Jack and John to give you guns. And they won't agree to do so, I know it. They won't believe me. Or worse, they will want to do it their way and won't allow me to go with them. But it's my child we're talking about. I'm the one who should decide what to do and how to do it."

"Then what will we do? We can't go out there without guns," Kate stated.

"Don't worry, ladies, I know the combo to the armoury."

"How come?" Kate wondered, surprised.

"I opened the door for J&J, back when Michael locked them inside, remember? So, unless they changed the combination since our little trip to Disneyland… there should be no problem."

While Claire went back to her tent, hoping to put Aaron to sleep, Kate and Sawyer headed to the hatch. They knew Jack and Locke weren't there, so they hurried while the coast was clear. Charlie and Michael, who were still on button duty, should pose no problem.

"Do you really think we'll find something?" Sawyer asked as he opened the hatch door and gestured for Kate to go first.

"I don't know. But we've seen so many strange things on this island, what if Claire was right? What if we could find some more medicine?" she replied.

"Yeah…" Sawyer approved, closing the door behind them. "So, I'll take the guns."

"I'll tell Charlie to go and take care of Aaron as soon as he's done here. That'll give us some time to gather what we need. Then we'll leave."

"Okay, boss," Sawyer said ironically. He wasn't sure he liked Kate giving him the plan.

But the conversation ended and went their separate ways. While Sawyer easily entered the armoury, Kate went to Michael and Charlie. There, she told Charlie about the latest events. He clearly was worried about Aaron and Claire.

"I'll go and tell Claire she ought to stay with Aaron. I'll go with you."

"Charlie, Claire can't really tell us where the hatch is. She'll know as we go," Kate explained.

"Anyway, man, I understand why Claire would like to go. She wants to protect her son, and that's something I can understand," Michael added, sadness lacing his voice. "I'll go with you. Claire will be even safer."

Reassured, Charlie nodded as Sawyer came back with two guns. Michael looked at him and stated:

"Get a third one, man, I'm coming along."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

The afternoon was coming to an end when the group set out on their expedition. They had successfully avoided Jack, allowing them to leave without having to justify themselves for taking the guns.

Claire was leading the way, knowing where to go thanks to the flashbacks she'd had and continued to have as she recognized the path she had taken a few weeks earlier. Kate and Sawyer were following her and Michael, staying close, incessantly scanning their surroundings. They had been walking in the heat for a few hours now and Kate was a little concerned about Sawyer. He probably shouldn't have enrolled on this mission, considering he had had so little time to rest since their exhausting journey to find Michael. His shoulder had been healing amazingly fast, but he had been so close to death that she knew it would have been better for him to spend a day relaxing on the beach. Plus he had chopped wood for hours the previous day, and that couldn't have helped either.

But as she stole a glance at him, she noticed he didn't look overly tired or in pain. Her heart swelled; to see him here, with her, strong again, was nothing short of a miracle and she was grateful for it. After all, what had been the odds of his return? Surviving the raft's explosion, drifting back to the island, making it back to their camp even with an injured shoulder?

She had missed him so much! Despite him outing her as a criminal, despite the many times he had pushed her away… despite everything, she cared a lot for him. On an impulse, she shot him a wide, warm smile.

"What's the matter, Freckles?" he wondered, looking puzzled but pleased nonetheless.

"Just glad to see you up and about, that's all," she replied shyly, not slowing down.

Sawyer theatrically rolled his eyes and sighed loudly.

"You're going nuts, woman," he said as he followed her.

Soon, darkness fell over the jungle. Claire wasn't sure where to go next, so they decided to make camp for the night. While they ate some of the food they had brought with them, Michael chatted with Claire.

"I think you're pretty courageous, trying to remember the things they did to you, trying to find the place where they kept you…"

Claire shook her head.

"I'm sure any parent would have done the same. You did. Alone."

"Well, that wasn't the best plan. I got caught by the Others and my son is still out there somewhere," Michael said bitterly, shaking his head in disappointment at himself.

"You'll find a way to get him back, Michael."

"Actually, Jack has a plan," he replied, hope lacing his voice.

Hearing that, Sawyer decided it was time to set his strategy to piss Jack off in motion.

"And what plan would that be, Chief?"

"I… I don't know yet," Michael had to admit, looking down.

He seemed so miserable and distraught, Sawyer suddenly felt bad, disgusted with himself. He gazed at his feet, clenching his jaw. Michael was a good man, a man who had probably lost the most important thing he had. Sawyer's plan to annoy Jack now felt so petty and childlike to him that he decided to shut up for good.

"Walt once told me that you two had only been reunited not long before the crash… Is that true?" Claire gently asked after a moment.

"Yeah… It's a long story…" Michael sighed.

He looked up and could see that Claire genuinely seemed to care about him and his story. Why not tell her, he wondered? It would probably make him feel better to tell someone. So, glancing meaningfully at Kate and Sawyer, he began:

"I was 23 when my life changed… got derailed. That was when my girlfriend became pregnant with Walt," he began.

For long minutes, Michael detailed the last ten years of his life: how Susan had insisted on giving Walt her last name, how she had taken up a job offer in Amsterdam, telling him it was only for a short time, always pleading it was in Walt's best interest… He told them about the legal procedures, and how he had finally gave in, telling himself he was doing the right thing for his son. Feeling like a big weight was being lifted of his shoulders as he spoke, Michael then told them about Susan's death and how he had regained custody of Walt.

Tears welling in his eyes, encouraged by the two women's empathic looks, Michael even admitted something he had been feeling extremely ashamed of.

"Right before we boarded the plane to Los Angeles… When I should have been the happiest I had ever been, finally reunited with my son… I… I tried to convince my mother to take him," he said as he began sobbing. "How could I do such a thing? I spent years saying I wanted him back, but I guess that wasn't the truth," he cried.

Silence fell around the campfire for a moment, no one really knowing what to say. They all understood his pain and guilt, but how could they make him feel better? Claire finally spoke.

"You know, I was going to give Aaron up. That's why I was going to Los Angeles," she explained, the sadness and culpability in her voice mirroring Michael's.

"Really?" he asked, surprised.

"Yes. Aaron's father walked off the moment he got a bit scared by the situation. I… I couldn't do it all by myself, I thought. That's why I had ultimately decided to give him up. But now that I have him… I know I would do anything for him. He's my flesh and blood and I know that I'm the best person to care for him," she stated, obviously believing what she was saying.

Her words were like a sudden illumination for Michael. Now he understood clearly that he had gotten a second chance to be a father and that chance was not to be missed. The past couldn't be changed, but now he had the opportunity to make the future a wonderful thing.

Relieved and thrilled with the realisation, Michael laid down. Claire, visibly exhausted, followed his example and soon they were both sleeping peacefully.

Sawyer, propped against a tree, took out his water bottle from his backpack. Kate was sitting a couple of feet away, gazing at the fire. She had duly noted that the other two were asleep and she was trying to keep her mind from thinking that she was now alone with Sawyer, who showed no sign of wanting to go to sleep.

He must have had the same naughty ideas she had, because he took a sip of water and said:

"So, Freckles… they're asleep," he smirked.

"So what?" she replied, trying to seem detached.

His smile widened.

"Well, if you're cold… I could make you warmer," he said with a sexy wink.

The occasion was too good to have fun at Sawyer's expense and Kate decided to seize it. How many times had he made these kind of invitations to her since they had met? She knew full well he didn't really want her to say yes to them. When they'd finally be together (she wasn't naïve enough to think that it'd never happen), it wouldn't just be a casual sexual encounter. No. It would mean so much more to them both, she knew he wasn't any more ready than she was for it to happen. They were still afraid of the powerful feelings they would unleash if they let their guards down.

But, in the meantime, maybe she could have a little fun? So, in response to his comment, she said:

"Why not?" and a second later she was sitting on his lap, facing him. Sawyer almost spilled his water, in shock. He totally didn't expect her to do that and he was stunned.

"What are you doing?" he managed to say as she put her hands on his chest.

"Getting warmer," she replied seductively, but unable to totally mask her amusement.

Sawyer, always very good at reading people, noticed and suddenly she knew she was in trouble. Kate tried to get off him, but his hands on her hips firmly held her in place.

"Well, well, Freckles, where do you think you're going?" he asked with a ill-behaved smile.

"Let go of me, Sawyer," she growled, suddenly finding this all a little less amusing.

Temptation had been hard enough to escape before, what in the world had she been thinking in doing this?

"Not a chance," he retorted as she tried once more to get away, without success.

They were really close now and she was fully aware of the warmth of his muscular body, of his hungry lips, of his hands on her. She searched for his gaze and their eyes met. Suddenly things were serious, the desire between them more intense than anything she had ever experienced.

"How about a kiss, Freckles?" Sawyer murmured, all traces of playfulness gone.

Kate wanted nothing more than to comply, to kiss the warm lips that were already slightly parting as they waited for hers. But she knew all too well that they wouldn't be able to stop themselves after one kiss, and she also knew that going further than that right now wasn't the best thing to do.

"We won't stop there," she replied, her eyes trying to avoid the sight of his mouth.

Apparently knowing what she meant, Sawyer sighed and let go of her. Kate got off him, but he swiftly wrapped his left arm around her body and kept her close.

"Stay here," he whispered huskily.

No having the strength to deny him once again, Kate rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes. That's the way, listening to his heartbeat, that sleep took her that night.

The sun was only beginning to rise when Sawyer awoke that morning. Claire was already up and she smiled timidly when her eyes briefly met his. That's how he realised that Kate was still sleeping peacefully in his arms. For a short moment, he felt embarrassed. Being tender with a woman didn't correspond to the image of himself he liked to project to other people.

But even surprising himself, he suddenly didn't care if Claire saw that side of him. Anyway, he had always been nice to her and he suspected she had an idea of how pleasant he could be when he wanted to.

As if on cue, Kate stirred and opened her eyes. He felt her tense against him as she realised where she had slept, but then she sat down and smiled warmly at him.

"Hey," she said.

"Hey," he replied, trying not to look too smitten as he gazed at her. It was only the second time he'd woken up next to her, but somewhere inside him he knew he'd never get used to the sight of her emerging from slumber. Her messed up hair, her still sleepy eyes… She looked so adorable that he had to pretend he was hungry and grabbed two mangos from his bag to avoid kissing her senseless.

"Want one, Freckles?"

She nodded and the four of them ate silently until they were ready to continue their journey. But Claire wasn't sure where to go next.

"Don't worry, Mamacita, we'll just walk around a bit and it'll come back to you," Sawyer said as he threw away the remains of his mango.

A split second later, stunning all of them, they heard a metallic sound. The mango had hit something.

In no time, Claire had started pulling at some branches and a tarp, uncovering a set of doors to another hatch.

Claire glanced at Sawyer who nodded as he got a hold of his gun, ready to fire if needed, imitated by Michael. The two women each grabbed a handle and they opened the doors.

As they gazed at the dark interior, Sawyer shot a look at Kate and, maybe for the first time since he'd arrived on this island, he was a little scared. He didn't used to be frightened of pain, or even of death. He had always felt like he had nothing to lose. But that wasn't true anymore. Now there was Kate and the hope that he could be redeemed one day. Now he was afraid he could lose her and he almost told her to stay behind. But one look at her determined expression as she pulled her gun from her waistband convinced him that it would be a waste of time.

Ready to face whatever they would find, they all went in.

As soon as they got in, it became quite clear to them that the hatch had been abandoned, and for quite some time it seemed. Could Claire have been wrong? But she appeared to recognise her surroundings.

"This way."

The group entered a room that clearly used to be some kind of nursery. A rocking chair had been left behind. Coming inside the room, Claire stepped on a blue bootie that was lying on the ground.

"I knitted this, I remember," Claire said as she retrieved the bootie and clutched it in her shaky hands. She bit her lip, trying not to cry. The realisation of what had almost been was overwhelming.

"Claire, look at this," Kate suddenly said as she rummaged through a cardboard box left in a corner of the room. "I found some useful things!"

Inside the box were a few baby items that out in the real world wouldn't have been too exciting. But to find a baby bottle, a few cans of Dharma milk preparation along with some clothes of different sizes and a couple of infant toys made Claire feel like it was Christmas. She would finally be able to act more like a regular mother, dressing her son with actual clothes and providing him with a few toys.

But as nice as those things were, they weren't what they had come for. The women quickly stuffed their findings into their backpacks and the group resumed their exploring of the hatch.

They soon found the room Claire had seen in her flashbacks.

"It's here, the vaccine's in here! In this cabinet!" she almost yelled as she tried to move the heavy cabinet lying face down on the ground.

Without needing to be asked, Sawyer and Michael stepped in and lifted the cabinet up and opened it.

It was empty.

"It was in here. The vaccine was in here! The vaccine was in here!" Claire cried, desperate.

Gently, Kate took her in her arms to console her.

"Claire, it will be okay. Whatever disease Aaron has, Jack will take care of it with the medicine we have…"

"What if he can't Kate, what if he can't?" Claire sobbed.

"You have to believe, Claire. That's all we can do, really."

Sawyer and Michael were walking side by side while Kate and Claire were a few steps behind. They had left the medical hatch about an hour before, after Claire had finally wiped off her tears, comforted by Kate's words.

"So, this numbers thing makes a lot of sense to me," Michael suddenly told Sawyer. "Well, as much as anything could make sense on this damn island, that is."

Michael paused, but Sawyer didn't offer a reply; talking about that numbers theory wasn't his cup of tea. Not going to be stopped by Sawyer's lack of reaction, Michael went on.

"I know I really want my son back. I'm not going to risk his life by attacking the Others. I have to believe that what the man said was true; I'll get Walt when I'm ready, and when the six of us have met the black cloud," he stated.

Once again, Sawyer didn't offer a reply.

"So now I've got to make sure each of us is ready to change. That means you too, man."

Sawyer rolled his eyes, irritated. He hated being coerced into doing anything.

"So, what are you going to do to me, huh?" he said at last. "Tie me to a tree and force me to undergo therapy with Libby?" he snarled. 

His gaze was menacing, but Michael didn't back down.

"No, but you have to do something, man. For my boy, but also for Kate."

Sawyer turned his head to face Michael so fast that it was a wonder how his neck didn't break.

"Kate? What about her?" he growled.

"You know what I mean, Sawyer."

To that Sawyer added nothing; he knew he was fooling himself thinking that his feelings for Kate had gone unnoticed by the rest of the castaways. While Claire knowing didn't matter to him, he was annoyed with the realisation that most people knew about his softer side. He had never been in such a situation and he hated it.

Irritated and upset, he clenched his jaw and focused on the path ahead.

When they finally crossed the path to 'their' hatch, Sawyer curtly told the rest of the group that he was going to head to the hatch to put the guns back in the armoury. Kate was a bit surprise with his mood swing but said nothing. The three other castaways continued down the beach. Claire was walking fast, impatient to see her son. And when she saw Charlie gently rocking his cradle, she ran to him, followed by Kate and Michael.

"How is he, Charlie?" she asked, eager to know how Aaron was doing.

Charlie smiled reassuringly as he gazed at the baby boy.

"He looks good. Jack confirmed he had rosiola. The fever is broken; he got a rash but it's even starting to fade. He'll be just fine, Claire."

Tears of relief appeared in Claire eyes as she looked adoringly at her son. Charlie put his arm around her shoulders. Exchanging a look, Kate and Michael discreetly left them.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Jack was sitting in front of the computer, his fingers incessantly drumming on the table. He hadn't been in a good mood at all since this morning, when he had gone to check on Aaron and had been surprised to find Claire gone. Charlie had finally admitted that she, along with Michael, Sawyer and Kate, had left camp to find some medial hatch that Claire seemed to remember.

How could they go for such a dangerous journey without telling him about it? They didn't even know where they were going! Only annoyed at first, Jack had grown pretty angry when he had stormed inside the hatch and realised they had taken four guns. How could they do such a thing? How could _Kate_ betray his trust like this? Those guns belonged to the whole camp. Someone couldn't decide to take one without telling him about it! He was the guardian of those firearms, the one who got to decide if it was in the group's best interest to give someone a gun.

He had been here all day, fuming, waiting for them to come back and return the guns. He was so going to give that Sawyer a piece of his mind! They should have changed the combination of the armoury's door after sharing it with Sawyer when he had freed them, Jack admonished himself. The guy had made sure Kate had enrolled with him on this expedition to piss him off, Jack was certain of it. Sawyer didn't care about Kate's well-being, no. He just wanted to keep her away from him. Why Kate was falling for it was beyond him; she had always seemed to him like an intelligent woman. He never though she'd fall for such a manipulative man, as good-looking as she may find him.

Jack suddenly heard some noise coming from the hatch's airlock.

Someone was coming.

Sawyer groaned as he pushed the door behind him a little too strongly with his bad arm. He swore under his breath. That damn shoulder still hurt. He was in a bad enough mood already, he certainly didn't need the physical pain on top of everything.

His conversation with Michael had angered him. Now Michael wanted him to change? And Kate wanted that, too? Well, a tiger didn't change its stripes. He wasn't a good man and he never was going to become one either. Michael and Kate should realise that. And they would if he just told them how he had killed an innocent man in Australia. Yeah, that would get them off his back. But could he find the courage to do it? To tell her? A part of him just didn't want to lose her and the realisation infuriated him even more.

Lost in his thoughts, Sawyer didn't notice Jack as he got to the door of the armoury. He tried the combination, but it didn't work. Irritated, he tried again but the result was the same.

"Son of a btch!" he exclaimed.

"I changed the combination," Jack suddenly said from behind him.

Sawyer tensed and stood upright as he sighed, readying himself for the confrontation. He slowly turned to face Jack, who added, "I noticed there were four guns missing."

Looking exasperated, Sawyer opened his backpack and pulled out the guns.

"Then you put your damn guns back yourself, doc," he growled, throwing the guns on the nearby couch and taking a step towards the exit door.

"You had no right to take those," Jack said angrily as he blocked Sawyer's way. "I'm the one who decides who gets a gun and why."

Sawyer's jaw clenched and he glared menacingly at Jack who didn't step back.

"Oh, really? Having a little power trip, are you?" the southerner retorted icily.

"Did Kate put you up to this?" Jack asked bluntly.

It took all of his self-control, but Sawyer didn't reply; he certainly wasn't in the mood for a fight about Kate. He wasn't Kate's puppet and he almost punched Jack in the face for suggesting it.

"Because you know she will use you until she no longer needs you," Jack continued. "Then she'll dispose of you like she'd have of an old sock."

"Are you speaking from first hand experience, doc?" Sawyer sneered.

"Just friendly advice, Sawyer."

Sawyer snorted.

"You know what, doc? Seems to me like you hate being kept out of the loop. And you also hate the fact that Kate chose not to play by YOUR rules."

Fuming, Jack took a step towards Sawyer.

"I don't know what your intentions are with her, Sawyer, but I'm warning you: if anything happens to her because of you, you're going to have to answer to me."

Sawyer only smiled on hearing his threat, suddenly seeming to relax.

"There's something you just don't get, Jacko. Kate can take care of herself. She doesn't need you for that," he smirked. "Now let me give you one piece of advice, too, my _friend_: stay out of my business."

Sawyer began walking away and this time Jack didn't try to stop him. But after a few steps, he came to a halt.

"Oh, and doc, something tells me that you should have a little talk with Michael. You know, about his involvement in your war plans?"

He grinned to himself: Jackass wasn't going to like the fact that his 'official' reason for going to war had gone up in smoke. He exited the hatch in a somewhat better mood, even saluting Sayid and Libby as they came in to replace Jack.

After Kate had learned, with relief, that Aaron was going to be fine, she had headed to her tent. There, she had cleaned up and changed clothes. As she now walked again on the beach, she noticed Sawyer in the distance, coming back to his own tent. Even from the spot where she was standing, she could see that something was still wrong with him. The way he walked, the way he threw his bag on the ground, the way he let himself fall on his airplane seat: all of this suggested his bad mood from earlier was still present.

What was wrong with him? Had she done something she shouldn't have? As if he needed her to get angry, she told herself, rolling her eyes. She was trying to decide whether she should go to him or not when she saw Jack striding down the beach towards her.

"Where's Michael?" he asked coldly when he came by her.

Surprised with his tone, Kate flinched.

"What's going on, Jack?"

"Nothing that concerns you. Have you seen him?" he repeated, obviously not wanting to discuss the matter further with her.

But Kate wasn't going to let him go without knowing the cause of his frosty attitude towards her.

"Jack," she said firmly as she put her hand on his forearm. "Is this about the guns we took? I'm sorry, but you would never have-"

"You know what, Kate?" Jack cut her off as he removed his arm from her reach, "I don't really feel like talking to you about that. You made your choice; now live with it."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Jack?" she asked, taken aback, although she strongly suspected what he meant. He was clearly referring to the way she had chosen to steal the guns and go with Sawyer instead of going to him. He didn't like the way she had evidently chosen Sawyer over him.

Jack gave her a meaningful look and didn't reply. She added nothing as she sadly watched him head to Michael's tent.

Michael came out of his tent as Jack was about to call out for him.

"Hey Jack!" he greeted the doctor. "I was just about to come and talk to you."

"Yeah, that's what I heard."

Michael seemed confused for a second but he had something to say. So he began:

"Jack, I'm not going to war against the Others. At least, not for now."

Jack paled. That was what he'd been afraid of: Michael backing down. Sawyer must have had something to do with this, was his first thought. But this wasn't the time to think about that. He still had a chance to convince Michael to do the right thing.

"How are you going to get your son back, then, Michael?" he said, trying to stay calm.

"There are things I needed to realise before I could have him. I'll get him when it's time. I know it."

"Either you've been spending too much time with Locke or you've been smoking some good stuff, Michael. You're delusional if you think they're just going to hand Walt back to you," Jack exclaimed forcefully. Realising he wasn't helping his case, he sighed in an effort to calm down. "Come on, Michael, you're smarter than this. We could try to kidnap one of the Others, then we could exchange him for Walt."

But Michael shook his head.

"I'm just not going to risk my son's life in an assault. Or the lives of the other kids they've taken from the tail section, for that matter."

"So now you believe in all that crap John's been saying about the six 'chosen ones'? You're really willing to put your son's fate into his hands?" he asked disbelievingly.

"My hands, Jack. I choose to believe. I'll get Walt back when we're ready. So I suggest you start working a bit on yourself, Jack. You'll have to face the black cloud, too."

Jack snorted.

"There is something you just don't realise, Michael. One day they'll come back and take someone from our camp. Someone we know. And that's going to be on you."

Michael shook his head.

"I'm sorry, man. It's not going to happen."

Sawyer had been resting in his chair, eyes half-closed, but his mind restless. That's why he sensed her coming even before she even spoke.

"Hey," she said cheerfully as she threw a banana on his lap.

To her surprise, he just grabbed the banana without a word, barely looking at her. A fierce battle was raging inside of him. On one side of the ring, the part of him that wanted nothing else than to be with Kate, to be worthy of her. The part of him that feared that she'd leave him without a second look if she knew what he had done in Australia. He wasn't sure he'd survive such a blow.

Opposite, the part of him that just wanted to be left alone. He had never tried to join in and it made him uncomfortable to be included in this group. One night stands, travelling from city to city without getting attached to anything or anyone, that was his thing. There was also the profound conviction that he wasn't a good person and that he'd better make Kate realise it as soon as possible. That he should push her away.

"Are you okay?" she wondered as she took the risk of sitting by his side.

"I'm fine," he groaned.

He evidently wasn't and Kate sighed.

"Sawyer… a couple days back… I knew you were upset, and I'm sorry I didn't ask you about it. Want to talk about it now?" she asked gently.

Oh, Lord, it would feel so good to tell her everything! She was staring at him, beautiful, hair down, wanting nothing other than to know what was on his mind. He truly didn't deserve her.

"Nothing to talk about," he replied coldly.

"What did John tell you?" she enquired after a silence.

"What, you're spying on me now?" he exclaimed angrily. "It's none of your business, Freckles."

"What are you afraid of, Sawyer?"

Sawyer let out an exasperated sighed.

"I don't feel like psychoanalysis right now, Sigmund. So go away."

"I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's wrong," Kate stated with determination. He knew she meant it and it made him furious to be pushed against the wall that way.

"You want to know?" he growled. "Locke said his life was destroyed by Frank Sawyer, too! And he says I'll never be like him," he finished derisively.

"He's right," Kate offered.

"You don't know that! He's wrong!" Sawyer shouted, his hands transforming into fists.

"I know you. You're a good person," Kate said calmly.

"You don't know what I did!"

"Then tell me, Sawyer. Tell me."

Their eyes locked for a second but he quickly looked away, afraid she might see the fear into them.

"You want to know? You really want to know?" he asked heatedly.

Kate nodded slightly and suddenly the desire to unburden himself overtook him.

"I killed a man I thought was Frank… but it wasn't him," he began, speaking with cold fury. "It was a man who had nothing to do with all this. And I shot him in cold blood. But you know what the worse part is, Freckles?"

Without giving her time to answer, he went on.

"I'd do it all over again if it ensured me I'd find Frank one day. I live for that moment, Kate. The moment I'll get my revenge. I've dedicated my life to it. And if I ever get off this damn island, I'll go on hunting him. I will kill Frank Sawyer even if it's the last thing I do."

He expected Kate to get up and leave immediately, but to his amazement she didn't. Softly, she only asked:

"Then what?"

Her question took him by surprise. He realised, stunned, that he had never envisioned his life further than the moment he'd face off with Frank.

"I don't know," he exclaimed with clear irritation. "I'll probably kill myself, too," he finally replied.

Following his words, Kate's gaze wandered to the ocean and stayed there for a few seconds. She seemed to be lost somewhere inside of herself.

"I understand why you did what you did, Sawyer," she said. "You had better reasons to do it than I had. I guess that, between the two of us, I'm the monster."

With tears in her eyes, she got up to leave. But, with a sigh, Sawyer grabbed her wrist.

"You're no monster, Kate. Your past doesn't matter to me," he said, suddenly calmer.

Clearly choking back tears, she countered:

"Then how come you can't accept that I don't care about yours? I know you're a good man, James."

Hearing her saying his true name made him angry again.

"Don't ever call me that! He disappeared a long time ago!"

"Locke is right, you know. You're not Sawyer and you'll never be."

"I'm an awful person! You should go and get cozy with the doc right now, honey," he challenged her.

But Kate wouldn't hear it.

"We're the same, don't you realise it? I need you as much as you need me. Even if I had feelings for him, Jack would never accept me for who I am, never. I'd never be good enough for him," she stated sadly. "But you understand me, you don't judge me… I'm so grateful I found you."

Not waiting for him to answer, she walked away. He stayed in his seat for a very long time that day, trying to come to terms with the fact that Kate hadn't pushed him away even though she now knew about his darkest secrets…


	16. Chapter 16

A/N: Hi! Here's the new chapter. I know it's rather short and quite heavy until the last part. It's necessary to set the table for the next few chapters, so bear with me, please?

Whatever you think of the chapter, please let me know:(

Jenn:)

Chapter 16 

The sun was just about to rise as Kate woke up the next morning. Right away, she began thinking about Sawyer and his confession. He was a murderer, she kept reminding herself. Of course, she had known for a while that he had killed someone but she felt strangely indifferent to the new knowledge that it had been in cold blood. Why, she asked herself? Because all that she cared about was what he had been doing since she met him. The rest belonged to another life.

Kate tossed and turned for a while on her bed, wondering how Sawyer was at the moment. Had he been able to accept that she still cared about him even though she now knew what he had done in Australia? Would he be too scared? Unable to answer those questions or to go back to sleep, she exited her tent. The whole camp was still asleep and there was no sign of Sawyer. Kate sat on the sand, watching the sun come up over the ocean until a voice startled her.

"Kate?"

It was Michael and Kate smiled at him.

"Hi, Michael. You're up early."

"Yeah, well… I couldn't sleep much last night. All I could think about was how long I'll be made to wait before facing the black cloud. I'm ready now," he asserted with determination in his voice.

"The cloud? Are you sure?" Kate asked, obviously concerned.

But Michael nodded confidently.

"I know I am. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My past mistakes don't matter to me anymore. All I can see is my future. My future with my son."

It was Kate's turn to nod, but she did so pensively.

"I understand. Does… does Jack knows about this? That you're not going to war with him?"

Michael cringed.

"Yeah, I told him last night. He wasn't too happy about it, but what can he do? It's not his battle to fight. The war is off."

"Well, that's a good thing," Kate said. She paused for a second and added: "When do you plan to go find the cloud?"

"Right now."

"Today? Boy, you are ready," she chuckled. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Nah, thanks. Locke already offered me, but it's something I've got to do alone. I'll be just fine, I know it."

"Then good luck, Michael. See you soon."

"Thanks."

Michael started to walk away, but suddenly stopped.

"Oh, and Kate… Don't give up. You and Sawyer will make it, too, I know it."

Surprised, Kate didn't know how to reply. But Michael wasn't waiting for her to say anything and she watched him disappear into the jungle.

When Sawyer opened his eyes, he was surprised to see the sun coming up over the Pacific. He could have sworn he hadn't slept a second all night.

For hours, he had tried to figure out what to do. By not judging him on his past mistakes but rather on who he had been in the short time she's known him, Kate had basically given him the absolution to forgive himself for all the grief he had caused around him, to allow himself to love himself… and her.

She had opened a whole new world for him. A world described by words like forgiveness, comfort, happiness, love, joy. All that when, for over twenty-five years, hate, revenge, pain and loneliness had been his universe.

Yes, he could have all that if he just surrendered to the power she had over him. To the feelings he obviously had for her. But something was still holding him back. Moving forward with her was the scariest thing he'd ever face.

And how could he ever let go of his desire to get his revenge on Frank Sawyer, the man who had destroyed his life? Sawyer knew full well he was most likely going to be stuck on this island for a long time. But he also knew that as soon as he'd get back to civilisation, he'd resume his hunt for that conman. No matter what he and Kate could have, he was never going to let his parents down. Someone had to avenge them.

And he would be the one to do it.

After Michael's departure, Kate became lost in her thoughts. Would she ever feel ready to face the cloud? To think that Michael might never get Walt back because of her inability to do so was already sending her on a huge guilt trip.

She sighed, sinking her feet deeper into the sand. She knew she had made progress over the course of the last weeks. She had become an important part of the group. She had been able to tell Sawyer about her original crime. She had forged a strong bond with him.

But she knew there was still much work needed on her part until she'd be ready to allow herself to love him. Although he knew about the things she was the most ashamed of and seemed to be fine with it, something was stopping her. Something symbolized by Tom's toy plane.

Deep down, she still didn't believe she could have something good, she wasn't ready to let go of her guilt. How could she ever?

Kate shook her head, exasperated with herself. Sometimes, it felt as though she had a double personality. On one hand, she had assured Sawyer she didn't care about his past, basically telling him she was ready to be with him. She had said he was worth loving in spite of the bad things he had done. But how could she tell him that when she didn't even believe SHE was worth being forgiven? Worth being loved by him? She was terrified he was going to come to her and tell her he was ready to move on with her.

Not ready to face Sawyer, she decided to give in to her urge to run. Maybe she could go and help Sun with her garden? A few hours of manual labour, away from the beach sounded like an excellent prospect to her. It might allow things to cool down a bit more between her and Sawyer. Then she hoped they could go on with their meaningless banter for a while…

After thinking things over and over, Sawyer had decided that he didn't need to figure out right away what he was to do about Kate. 'Que sera sera' he thought to himself. They'd be stuck here for a long time to come, he knew it, so what was the rush? Feeling more serene, he had indulged in a nap until Locke, of all people, woke him.

"Hey James!"

Not trying to hide a deep sigh as he opened his eyes, Sawyer wondered:

"To what do I owe the pleasure this time, Yoda?"

Locke smiled tranquilly.

"Well, there's a story I'd like to share with you, James."

"Oh, that's too bad, John, I already have plans for today. But come back next week, you might be luckier," Sawyer replied sarcastically though Locke continued regardless.

"It's about that man. Frank Sawyer."

Shocked, Sawyer only looked at John while he sat on the plane seat next to his. He felt frozen, scared. It reminded him of the feeling he had experienced under his bed, so many years ago.

"First, let me tell you a bit about myself," John began. "I never knew who my parents were. Back when I was 42," he shot a meaningful glance to Sawyer who clearly hadn't lost the meaning of that revelation, "my birth mother found me, and through her I met my real father. Great news, right? Well, he pretended to love me just long enough to steal my kidney because he had to have a transplant. And then he dropped me back in the world like a piece of trash. Just like he did on the day that I was born."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sawyer asked. His voice wasn't as assured as he would have wanted it to be. He suspected what Locke was getting at, but it was too big, too scary to truly envision.

John wistfully stared at Sawyer for a moment before replying:

"Because my father and the man whose name you took are the same person, James."

"What…!" Sawyer could only say. Frank Sawyer was Locke's DAD? Sawyer had never really wanted to believe that his presence on the island had been anything but an accident. But now he wasn't so sure anymore.

"That's right. A coincidence, some might call it..." Locke chuckled for a second before growing serious again. "You know, James, I'm telling you all this for a reason."

"Oh, I thought you were only looking for a sympathetic ear," Sawyer quipped, but it was easy to see that he was still pretty shaken up.

But Locke pretended he hadn't heard.

"I was once with a great woman… beautiful, smart, loving… But in the end I made the mistake of choosing him over her, James. Somewhere inside, I knew it would destroy me, but I couldn't help it."

Locke paused briefly before continuing:

"I know why you have trouble letting go of him. I went through the same thing. You're scared, scared of moving forward. Scared to be the person you were meant to be."

John had obviously hit a nerve because all of a sudden Sawyer's eyes narrowed and he yelled:

"You don't know sht about me, Locke!"

The older man raised his hands as if trying to appease Sawyer. Calmly, he explained:

"I don't want you to make the same mistake I have, James. I don't want to have lost everything in vain. I want you to have what I couldn't. Let go of him and choose Kate. She helps you, and you help her. Don't forget that."

"Kate and I are none of your business," Sawyer growled.

"It's called a leap of faith, James. You don't have to be alone," Locke offered, using Helen's wise words.

"He has to pay," Sawyer stated firmly. "I'll kill him one day."

But Locke slowly shook his head.

"It's too late for that, James."

Locke's intense gaze was fixed on him and suddenly Sawyer shivered. Although he was afraid of hearing the answer, he asked, his voice low and shaky:

"What do you mean?"

John stared at Sawyer for a few seconds before answering:

"He's dead."


	17. Chapter 17

_Locke's intense gaze was fixed on him and suddenly Sawyer shivered. Although he was afraid of hearing the answer, he asked, his voice low and shaky:_

"_What do you mean?"_

_John stared at Sawyer for a few seconds before answering:_

"_He's dead."_

**Chapter 17**

It took Sawyer a while to realise that John had left him alone.

He felt like the ground was opening up under his feet. Like he was falling into some dark hole. Like the strength had been sucked out of him. All of those clichés.

It was just impossible! All of his life had been supposed to lead him to the moment he'd finally kill Frank Sawyer, the man who had destroyed his life along with his parents'. And now he had been cheated out of that. His whole life had been a waste. "I will never avenge you, Ma,' he thought, tears threatening to fall. He had failed her.

For over twenty-five years, he had seen his life, his future a certain way. He had always striven towards the same goal: revenge. He was the man who was to rid the world of that scumbag Frank Sawyer. Now he had no choice but to move forward and the enormity of that thought was almost strangling him.

Sawyer clenched his jaw, trying to regain control of his emotions. Fear and pain slowly receded to be replaced by a cold rage, just the way it had happened after his parents' death. As he stood tall on the beach, anger rose steadily inside of him, running through every vein, every fibre of his being. He felt like hitting something, felt like killing someone. Like abandoning himself to the dark side.

There was nothing left for him in this world. All he wanted right now was to die and suddenly his eyes fell on Jack entering his tent.

And he knew what he had to do.

"I'm coming with you, doc," Sawyer announced as he arrived by Jack's side.

Jack raised his eyes from the bag he was holding and looked at him, surprised as well as a little suspicious.

"We're not going. Michael doesn't want us to," he explained. "He says Walt is his own responsibility."

But that wasn't going to stop Sawyer. Not now.

"Well, we're going to leave Walt with the Others and bring back the tailies, then," Sawyer replied, irritated.

Jack looked at him intensely for a moment, probably trying to figure out if they could really go without Michael's consent and also what were the reasons behind Sawyer's sudden change of heart. He finally spoke again.

"What is Kate saying about this?" he asked tranquilly, obviously only trying to comprehend.

Kate. Sawyer pushed away the thought of her, _needing _to remain angry, needing to be filled with the familiar feelings of hate and self-hatred. That was the only way he could leave Kate behind and go on with this.

"Leave her out of this, doc," Sawyer replied almost sadly and the other man understood.

Another minute went by before Jack finally nodded. His decision was made.

"Okay, I'll tell Ana, Charlie and Sayid we're still on. Meet us at the hatch in 30 minutes. We're leaving this morning."

After a while spent working with Sun, talking about this and that, Jin had came by, obviously needing to talk to his wife. Uncomfortable, Kate had left them alone and headed back to the beach. When she crossed the path leading to the hatch, she noticed Sawyer a little further on.

"Hey!" she called after him with forced cheerfulness. She still didn't know how he would act around her now, so she was trying to make him feel like their last conversation had been no big deal to her.

But he didn't turn around and flash her a dimpled grin as she would have expected him to. Instead, she saw him tense and sigh before he finally looked at her, his gaze hard and unwelcoming. Was he still upset because of their last exchange?

Before he could say anything, she noticed his backpack and she froze.

"Where are you going?" she asked feebly, eyes fixed on his pack.

"I've got some business to tend to," he said harshly.

"What kind of business?" Kate dared ask. She was sensing very clearly that something was wrong and she was rapidly growing worried.

"I'm leaving with Jack. We're going to set a few things straight with the Others."

"What?" she let out, in shock. He had joined Jack? "Why?"

"They have to pay," Sawyer replied through gritted teeth.

Growing more and more distressed every second, Kate tried to reason with him, to make him see how wrong it was for him to leave.

"When are you going to stop using the pretence of revenge to avoid being yourself, go on with YOUR life?" she exclaimed. "I told you, I don't judge you for what you did. How could I? You have to stop carrying the weight of your past around, Sawyer!"

To her tirade, Sawyer only smirked sarcastically.

"That's a funny thing to hear from you, Freckles. What about you? Can you leave your past behind? Stop running away from it? Stop yourself from having anything – or anyone – good in your life? YOU think you're worthless."

He snorted and added, his gaze both sad and fierce, "Guess we both have the same problem, cupcake."

He began to turn away but she grabbed his arm.

"Sawyer! Don't go, please. You can't go again, not when I… I…"

He briefly looked at her, hopeful, as he waited for her to complete her sentence. But she just couldn't and he looked away dejectedly as he freed himself from her grasp.

"See, you can't even allow yourself to feel anything for me. See you in another life, sweetheart."

He took a few steps away, but Kate, fighting to hold back her tears, murmured:

"James…"

To her surprise, Sawyer spun around and quickly came back to her. In a strange mix of desperation, anger and need, he roughly pushed her backwards until her back leaned against a tree and he kissed her hungrily.

After the initial shock, Kate almost shoved him away from her, irritated. But she rapidly realised that responding to the kiss was her only chance of keeping him with her. She let his tongue slide inside her mouth and put her hands on his chest. As soon as she did, he jerked back.

Their gazes meet and for a second she saw beyond the walls surrounding his soul. She barely had time to notice the pain in his eyes before he walked up to the hatch door and entered without a second look. Her heart breaking, Kate could only do one thing: run.

His encounter with Kate not having improved his state of mind, Sawyer came inside the hatch in a really bad mood.

Sayid, Ana Lucia and Jack were already there, waiting for him.

"About time," Ana Lucia hissed.

Sawyer only sent her a threatening look.

"You better not slow us down," she continued.

What was up with that btch, Sawyer wondered to himself. Did she really want to get into a fight with him? Well, she was in for a surprise, he thought dryly. This time around he didn't have a hole in his shoulder.

"Listen to me, Hot Lips, what I said on the other side of the island still stands. Don't try me or I'll make burritos out of you, got it?" he growled.

"Why are you coming anyway? Had a fight with your _girlfriend_?" she snarled.

Fuming, Sawyer took a step towards her, but Jack quickly intervened.

"That's enough, you two. We better get going."

"What about Charlie? I thought he was coming, too?" Sayid enquired.

"He's not. It seems Claire needed his help with the baby."

"We're all set, then. Let's move," Sawyer said. The sooner they'd be gone the better. That way he wouldn't have the opportunity to change his mind or have to face Kate again.

So Jack handed Sawyer a gun and the four adjusted their backpacks before leaving the comfort of the hatch and setting off on their expedition.

Kate had run into the jungle, melting in it. The tears were running freely down her face and the last thing she wanted was for someone to see her. How would she explain anyway? She didn't really understand what had happened. She felt so confused!

Had she been about to tell him she… she _loved_ him?

Did she love him?

Those weren't questions she was prepared to answer, even to herself. Unnerved, she tried to focus on Sawyer's reasons for leaving so suddenly.

Had he decided to leave because of their last talk? Or was it something else?

Suddenly her heart stopped. Could Locke be responsible for this? Had he revealed more to Sawyer about Frank?

Sensing she was right and not wanting to waste another minute, Kate ran back to the beach.

"What did you tell him this time?" Kate angrily asked Locke when she found him.

John calmly put down the knife he had been sharpening.

"Tell who?"

"Sawyer. I know you had something to do with this!" she exclaimed.

Locke nodded unashamedly. He was so serene Kate just wanted to slap him.

"Well, I told him what he needed to know to finally change, to finally let go of his past," he explained.

"Oh, really? Well, that worked like a charm, John! Now he's gone with Jack! He's going to get himself killed! What did you tell him, damn it?" she exploded.

Fixing his intense gaze on her, Locke replied:

"I told him Frank Sawyer was my father. And that he was already dead."

Stunned, Kate opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her rage faded to be replaced by such a sense of dread that she felt like her knees were going to buckle from underneath her.

"What? Oh my God…" she finally whispered as she realised how upset Sawyer must have been to hear that news.

"He'll be fine, Kate," tried to reassure her.

But the conviction in his voice made her angry again.

"How would you know?" she shouted desperately. "He's got nothing to live for, now! If anything happens to him, it'll be your fault, John!"

As she walked away from Locke, she made her decision.

She was going after Sawyer.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

Sawyer was walking really fast, like he was trying to leave behind the thought of Kate. The rest of the group had a hard time following him, he sensed it, but so far none of them had said a word to that effect, so he kept going at the same pace.

Unconsciously, he was trying to exhaust himself physically. Maybe then his mind would stop racing like crazy, the vision of Kate's lips would fade away, the feeling of her warm body against his would disappear…

He was haunted by the sound of his real name softly coming out from her mouth. Somehow, this had awoken a yearning to be the man he had been born to be: James Ford. A desire to stay with Kate and forget about everything and everyone else had threatened to take over him.

But Kate didn't love him and that was perfectly fine with him. It made things a whole lot easier, he tried to convince himself.

"Why are you in such a hurry, cowboy?" Ana suddenly asked, panting behind him while Sayid and Jack were following at about a hundred feet distance.

Without turning around, Sawyer grinned sardonically and replied:

"You keep slowing us down, we're going to leave you behind," he said, repeating the exact words she had once said to him.

Anna took the hit in silence and let a moment pass before she caught up with him and asked:

"So, Sawyer, why are you here, exactly? Don't tell me: you've begun caring about somebody other than yourself?"

With a scornful half-grin, he countered:

"Why are YOUhere, Cheech?"

Ana grew serious and stared at the ground.

"I promised the kids I'd looked out for them. And now, even though we're far from being enough people, I'm going to go and get them back," she stated resolutely, now looking at Sawyer defiantly. "There just isn't any other option. I've got to do something, even if it's suicide."

Silence lingered as Sawyer couldn't do anything but respect what she had just said. It took courage and a certain selflessness to do what she was about to do and he could only admire that.

"You still haven't told me why you're here," Ana finally said. "Revenge?"

Sawyer felt strangely ashamed of his own reasons and, almost without meaning to, tried to justify himself.

"Would that be so bad?" he asked rudely as he came to a halt. "That's why he's here, too, he said, pointing at Sayid with his chin. "He wants the Others to pay for what YOU did, " he concluded, unable to let the opportunity to make her feel guilty pass him by.

Looking squarely at him, Ana put her hands on her hips.

"He lost the woman he loved and now he has nothing left to care for. That's why he's here. I'm thinking it might be the same for you," she stated before resuming her walking.

After a second, Sawyer followed her, his pace now slower. Did he love Kate? He shrugged at the thought. What did it matter anyway? Kate didn't love him, or she would have told him in order to stop him from leaving.

In a way, Sayid was a lucky man. He had lost someone who genuinely loved him and that was something that would never happen to him.

Clenching his jaw, Sawyer sped up.

Kate tied up the bag she had spent less than two minutes packing. She was now ready to go after Sawyer. She still didn't know exactly what she was going to say to him; but at the moment she couldn't care less. All that she wanted was to find him before it was too late.

"What is going on, Kate? Are you leaving?" she suddenly heard from behind her.

Kate didn't have to turn around to know it was Eko talking to her.

"I'm going after Sawyer," she said resolutely as she swung her backpack over her shoulder and finally faced him.

Calm as ever, Eko raised his hand in front of him in an effort to stop her.

"Kate, wait. Tell me what is going on," he asked. Kate rarely lost her cool, even under the most disturbing circumstances, and Eko sensed something important was up.

Kate almost told him she didn't have time to explain, but something in Eko's eyes convinced her she should tell him. Maybe he could help her find Sawyer? Hurriedly, she explained:

"Sawyer just found out that the man he has dedicated his whole life to find and…" she hesitated briefly before adding, "…kill, is already dead."

Eko pondered on that information for a second, before asking gravely:

"Do you believe in destiny, Kate?"

"Destiny?" she repeated, surprised. Did she? Two months ago, her answer would have been no. But now… "I don't know…" she replied, unsure where the black man was going with this.

"Well, I do," Eko stated. James will be fine, Kate. There are things he needs to solve for himself. Alone."

Eko thought Sawyer could let go of his need for revenge by himself? Just like that? He didn't know him too well, Kate figured as she mentally kicked herself for having lost precious minutes listening to his delusional advice. Thinking about the consequences it could potentially have increased her already high level of anguish.

"Don't you understand?" she couldn't help herself trying again, her voice shaking. "His whole life… his whole life was devoted to revenge. Now he knows it won't happen. He's going to kill himself if someone doesn't do it for him!"

Eko stared at her intensely, his hypnotic gaze preventing her from walking away.

"James does not want to die, Kate. If he did, he would never have returned after the raft burned. I told you once that there was something more important to him. He only needs to realise it."

Kate shook her head frantically.

"Back when the raft sank, he still thought there was a chance that he'd find Frank. Now he knows that it's not going to happen, ever. If he still had had a reason to live after learning this, he wouldn't have left with Jack," she explained before taking a step towards the jungle.

"Then he has got to find a better reason to live than revenge," Eko said quietly. "You can give him such a reason."

He paused for a moment before asking:

"Do you love him, Kate?"

Kate froze and looked at Eko. He had just asked the very question she wasn't ready to answer.

"I think you do," Eko added thoughtfully after a moment. "I do not know why you can not let yourself believe in that love, but I know one thing: you were brought here to save Sawyer with the love you have for him. And I think he is here to save you with his."

Shaken by Eko's words, Kate finally allowed herself to look inside her heart. Could Eko be right? Did she love him? How could she, when she had just failed, for the second time, in telling him what he had needed to hear in order to stay with her?

But the fact was that the possibility of losing Sawyer caused her real distress. In fact, she didn't know how she'd live without him again. He was the only person she had ever really been herself with. He understood her like no one ever had. He was charming, funny, witty, courageous… hurt, scared, lonely… just like she was. Being with him made her feel complete, which had allowed her fleeting glimpses of such serenity she had never believed possible.

She loved him.

She didn't know how or when it had happened exactly, but she did love him. Making that admission to herself caused the dam holding back her emotions to break. Overwhelmed, she felt the tears prickling her eyes. Suddenly, she was feeling ready to love him, to let go of her past.

"I've got to find him and tell him how I feel," she said, her voice low. She couldn't lose him, not now, not when she was ready to give him everything he had ever needed.

But once again, Eko stopped her.

"Kate, James has got to choose once and for all between love and hate. And that is a choice he has to make for himself."

He paused, putting his big hand on her forearm and smiling reassuringly. Then he added:

"He will be back. Have faith in destiny."

Seeing in her eyes that she understood, Eko walked away placidly. Left alone, Kate stayed there, unmoving, for long minutes, trying to come to terms with all that had just happened.

She loved Sawyer.

With that new understanding, and for the first time ever, Kate felt remorse about actually killing Wayne. She had always regretted the lives that had been lost or ruined following her original crime, but she'd never believed she had been wrong for freeing the world of that scumbag. Now, she realised that whatever she thought of him, she'd had no right to take it upon herself to kill him. Those years living in the same house as Wayne had been awful; the things she had seen her mother endure she wished no one ever had to endure. But she had made the mistake of thinking that his death would free her and her mother. That they would have a chance to start over.

But the fact was that killing him had trapped her in that awful life. The passage of time or running away as far as Australia hadn't helped in any way. Kate had been chased by the authorities since then, losing her freedom, her peace of mind and, more importantly, her mother. She'd been shocked at first when her mother had sent the cops after her, but now she was finally beginning to understand her reasons. She had lost not only the man she loved, but also her daughter. Perhaps she thought she just didn't know the woman she had raised. Perhaps she felt guilty? Ashamed? Alone?

The same way Kate had been feeling these past years. But now, she had to face it : she could never really gain forgiveness from herself or anyone else for killing Wayne, or for causing Tom's death. That was a fact she had to come to terms with as being something in her past that couldn't be changed.

Now, made stronger by the love she had for Sawyer, she knew she had to move past it all. Those things she had done wrong would always be there, but she had to mentally put them in a box inside her mind. Instead of the way she was just now, all her misdemeanours strewn like the wreckage of the plane all over her life. Right now, she couldn't go anywhere without tripping over the whole lot every time she tried to move.

It had to end.

If Eko was to be believed, she had been brought to the island to redeem herself by saving Sawyer, just as he had been brought here to save her. It was the way their pasts would become just that: the past. The way they would be allowed to be free again.

Slowly, Kate took her backpack off her shoulder and opened it. A second later, her hand was closing on Tom's toy plane. The symbol of her guilt. The symbol of all the lives she had ruined, including her own.

But now it was time to let go of all that. Kate smiled to herself dryly. How ironic was it that it was a plane crash that lead her to find the way to not need this toy plane anymore?

Resolutely, she walked up to the fire that the castaways always had burning in case a boat or a plane came by. One last time, Kate caressed the small object. It had belonged to a wonderful man she had loved dearly, but now it was time to say goodbye. Tom would understand, she was convinced of that now.

In a swift motion, Kate threw the plane into the flames. Fire. That's the way it had begun, that's the way it was ending. Now she was free, free to love Sawyer no matter what.

She just hoped she'd get the chance to tell him how much he meant to her.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The sun was beginning to fade when Sawyer suddenly heard a noise coming from the bushes. He wasn't the only one, as Sayid, Jack and Ana-Lucia aimed their guns in that direction. They held their breaths, prepared to face one of those dreadful Others.

But, to their relief, it was Michael who appeared in front of them.

"Whoa, guys, it's just me!" Michael exclaimed, shielding himself with his hands in a useless defence. The guns went down and he continued, "You didn't need to come and get me, you know. Facing the cloud was something I had to do by myself."

But seeing Jack's sheepish expression and Sawyer's averting eyes, Michael quickly understood how wrong he was.

"Oh, no, Jack, don't tell me you guys are going to the Others?" he shouted, anger visibly rising inside of him. "You have no right to put my son in danger, Jack! This is not your fight!"

"It's not only about Walt, Michael! There are others, too. And I'm not going to stand here and do nothing because you don't love your son enough to risk your life for him," Jack said disdainfully to a shaken up Michael.

"How can you say that? I love my son. I'd do anything for him. That's why I accepted taking a good look at myself and I'm prepared to change. You should agree to do the same, man. The bearded man said there was another way, and-"

"What bearded man?" Ana-Lucia interrupted him abruptly.

"It doesn't matter, Ana," Jack intervened.

"Jack, they have a right to know," Michael said resolutely.

"To know what?" Sayid wondered, as he cast a suspicious sideway glance at Jack.

Although openly irritated, Jack chose not to make things worse by arguing any further with Michael.

So, quickly, Michael told Ana and Sayid all about their encounter with one of the Others, the numbers, and how if those six persons passed the security system then the ones that had been taken would be returned – including Walt.

When he was done, Ana turned to Jack and shot him a dark look.

"You lied to us, Jack. I came here," she pounded, "with just the three of you to face who knows how many armed men because I thought there was no other way. Because I trusted you to find a way, Jack."

She was clearly furious.

"Don't tell me you believe all this, Ana?" Jack countered aggressively.

"It does not matter, Jack," Sayid stepped in. "You have lied to us, Jack, you have lied so we would do what you wanted us to do. I am not going to follow someone who lies to me."

"Go, then, go. No one's forcing you to do this. Just don't come crying to me when you realise that security system tale isn't true. When you realise that _you_ could have _at least_ tried to free those people from the plane, to free those _kids_," Jack finished, staring at Ana who only briefly looked away before saying determinedly:

"If there can be another way to do this, Jack, making sure the kids aren't harmed, then it's worth a try. We'll give you guys your chance to break that security system. But if it doesn't work, then we'll come back knowing it's our only chance."

Standing by Ana's words, Sayid followed her as she began to walk away in the camp's direction. Before joining them, Michael gazed at a very quiet Sawyer and asked:

"What about you, Sawyer? Are you coming back with us?

Hearing Michael talk about the cloud and how the island could give them what they wanted had shaken Sawyer up. He knew how Kate hoped she could be forgiven and start again. By being here right now, he was letting her down. If he didn't accept to go back to camp, he could be ruining her only shot at freedom and happiness.

Hating himself for that curiously only reinforced his need to find the Others and make them pay for whatever he felt like someone should pay for. Steeling himself, pushing the thought of Kate away from his mind, Sawyer replied curtly:

"No."

Michael shook his head in disbelief.

"See, man, I can't believe you're here. How can you be here when there is a woman waiting for you, a woman who loves you in spite of everything you did?"

Sawyer's heart involuntarily skipped a beat at those words. But Kate loving him wasn't something he could contemplate at the moment. He needed to be in that dark, familiar territory called hate way too badly.

"She doesn't love me," Sawyer groaned, his voice less assured than he wished it could've been.

"She does, man. You're kidding yourself if you think she doesn't," Michael insisted.

Sawyer was shaken up, but he still managed to say:

"Let's go, doc."

Resigned, Michael walked away to catch up with Sayid and Ana while Jack and Sawyer resumed their march towards the Others.

Night was falling and Kate was feeling restless. During the afternoon it had been easy to keep busy, but now that the camp was quieter she didn't know what to do with herself anymore. Watching the ocean usually calmed her, so she sat in the sand. From where she was, she couldn't help stealing glances at Sawyer's tent.

He had been gone for less than a day, but it already felt like weeks to her. When he had left on the raft, things had been so hectic with the opening of the hatch, Desmond, the button… He had been gone for a couple of days by the time she really had a chance to miss him. But this time around, knowing how she felt for him, it was a thousand times worse.

What was he doing right now? When would he come back? Hours, days from now? Ever? Had she been right to trust Eko? Did he love her, too? So many questions she had no answers to.

Kate sighed as her eyes went once more to his tent.

The night ahead was going to be a long one.

The jungle was getting darker and darker as the sun completely disappeared from the horizon, unseen by them. Jack and Sawyer both knew it was time to stop if they didn't want to get lost but, out of stubbornness, they could not bring themselves to do that. They were heading to the clearing the bearded man had warned them not to cross and they couldn't wait to get there.

But, ultimately, Sawyer stumbled on a root and, after cursing his heart out, he called it a night. He and Jack put their backpack down and started gathering wood to build a fire.

"So, you never told me," Jack suddenly said. "Is it why you're here? Because she said she didn't love you?"

The hope in his voice didn't escape Sawyer whose jaw clenched. Kate would probably never be his and he had to accept that; but he knew that he would never be able to stomach the sight of she and Jack playing house.

"Who says she told me that?" Sawyer growled, not about to encourage Jack to pursue Kate's affection.

"You told Michael she didn't."

"Yeah, well, that's none of your business, Jacko," Sawyer replied with a menacing glare.

Unimpressed, Jack smiled sarcastically.

"So you're here because you can't stand being near her when she doesn't feel the same way you do for her, huh?"

At those words, Sawyer's hands became fists and he felt a surge of rage invading his body. But he used all of his willpower not to act on it, unwilling to show the other man how his words affected him.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Jack," he was able to reply with false detachment.

"You said you loved her," Jack stated, sure of his effect.

He wasn't wrong: Sawyer froze.

"What did you say?" he asked, unable to hide his surprise.

"When you were still recovering from your gun shot wound. You were unconscious, but you said you loved her," Jack said almost accusingly.

Had he really said that? Had he meant it or had it just been the fever? Had Kate heard? He was terrified at the idea that she had. She obviously didn't feel that way for him and the last thing he wanted was for her to have been there in his moment of vulnerability.

"Did she hear that?" Sawyer wondered after a moment, his voice barely above a whisper. He was visibly shaken up and Jack noticed. He suddenly felt some kind of compassion for Sawyer. Where women were concerned, men had to stick together.

"No, just me," he reassured Sawyer who was manifestly relieved.

The two stayed silent for a few minutes during which they lit the fire that quickly grew stronger and stronger. They sat on opposite sides of it and lost themselves in their thoughts for a few minutes.

Jack was the one to break the silence.

"So, do you? Love her?" he asked, his tone insistent.

Irritated at having to discuss his feelings for Kate once again, Sawyer snapped:

"What is it to you, doc? Still hoping to make her the perfect Mrs Sheppard?" He snorted. "Because it won't happen. You don't know her like I do. She's not the woman you want her to be, and never will be."

"Is that so?" Jack replied, livid.

"Yep. In fact, she told me so," Sawyer retorted, glad to take the advantage back.

"You think she would choose you? Be with you?" Jack exploded. "You're kidding yourself! In spite of all she did in her past, she's still too good for you. You're a bad man, Sawyer. A lying, manipulative, heartless conman. Why would she ever want to be with you?"

Yeah, why would she? Why would she nurse him back to health, barely leaving his side at all? Why would she keep coming back to him after he'd push her away? Why would she have told him she didn't care about his past?

And suddenly Sawyer knew the answer to these questions.

Kate had her own issues, he shouldn't forget that. Loving someone was as hard for her as it had been for him. But now he truly believed that, even if she didn't know it yet, she loved him. Kate loved him, he repeated to himself, and that realisation allowed him to let his own feelings come to the surface.

He loved her, he was convinced of it. It felt so right, so natural that he wondered how he hadn't managed to realise it sooner. How could he prefer to put a bullet into a man he didn't even know over being with her? Frank Sawyer was dead and therein was his chance to start over. The chance he thought would never come.

Suddenly all he could see was her. The Others, the man who had shot him… suddenly they just didn't matter anymore. He was ready to take the necessary leap of faith and take a chance at happiness. Almost unconsciously, Sawyer touched the letter he now knew he would never give Frank. But somehow, he didn't care. Killing the man who had shot him would not ease his pain either. No, only one thing, only one person could ease it: Kate.

His voice strong and assured, he finally answered Jack's question.

"Because Mike is right. She loves me. And I do love her, too."

Stunned, Jack didn't say anything and Sawyer continued:

"I need to tell her that right now. See you, doc."

Sawyer hadn't even moved an inch when Jack grabbed his gun and aimed it at him.

"You're not going anywhere," he stated coldly.

Sawyer snorted, unimpressed.

"So, now you're going to kill me if I don't come with you? You think you're on the good side and that it justifies everything you do, don't you?"

To that, Jack found nothing to say and it was clear to Sawyer that he wouldn't pull the trigger.

With a look of disgust, Sawyer walked away from Jack who stood there, alone, for long minutes until he finally lowered his firearm and burst into tears.

It was now completely dark but for the full moon that was surprisingly able to send a bit of its glow thought the tight gathering of trees. As much as he'd want to go straight to Kate, Sawyer knew he could hardly track at all during the day, let alone during the night. Not wanting to get lost, he built his second fire of the evening and sat down next to it, letting Kate invade his thoughts.

He felt an unfamiliar warmth surge through his whole body. He loved Kate and she loved him. Her love was more important than revenge, he could see it clearly now, and he knew what he had to do about it. Slowly, he took the letter out of his pocket. Read it one more time. In a way, he had become attached to the thing, like the one tangible thing that reminded him of his parents, of his life BEFORE. Of who he had been.

But that piece of paper wasn't the symbol of a better time. It didn't bring the happy memories he should be focusing on. No, that letter stood for guilt and shame, stood as a motivation not to let go, not to allow himself to be who he had been meant to be.

Who he really was.

Sawyer brought the letter closer to the fire and the flames quickly began to consume it. It wasn't too late, though, he could have stopped this if he had changed his mind. But he didn't. He let go of it and watched it burn until it had been turned into ashes.

Liberated, he laid down on the jungle floor, eyes wide open, dreaming about the woman he was now free to love.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 

Getting water at the caves had killed the first few hours of the new day.

Helping Sun water her garden had occupied her for another little while.

Gathering fire wood had gotten her to the middle of the afternoon.

But not for one second had she stopped thinking about him.

She couldn't help thinking about all that could go wrong for Sawyer and his party. What if they encountered another polar bear? What if the Others captured them? Killed them? Sawyer could fall down a cliff, get bitten by a snake, get shot by mistake!

Kate urged herself to calm down. Now she was being ridiculous. She had to believe in the Island's power, but also in Sawyer. James. He had already changed, opened up himself to her. Now he was in position to choose between love and hate and she had to trust him with that decision.

Things would be okay, she urged herself to believe. Her breathing slowed down. It was their destiny to be together, Eko had said, and the thought reassured her slightly.

But her newfound, fragile peace of mind was shattered when she suddenly noticed some agitation a little further down the beach. As she looked up and saw Sayid and Ana-Lucia, she froze. Where was Sawyer? And Jack?

On shaky legs, Kate slowly walked up to them, dreading the answers they were going to give to her questions.

Sawyer grunted as he sat down on a fallen tree. He had been walking almost uninterruptedly since the previous morning and he was exhausted. He had been as good as dead just ten days ago and now he was walking more than he ever had in his whole life. He was also drinking more water than he ever had in his whole life, he thought derisively as he took a sip. He cringed. If only it could be cold water, for once.

Glancing at the sky, he realised it was past dinner time already. Shouldn't he be closer to the beach by now? Suddenly worried, he jumped on his feet and tried to find Sayid and Ana's tracks again.

He cursed loudly as he realised that, deep in his thoughts, he had lost their tracks a while back. How long ago? Would he make it to camp before it got too dark? Would he have a chance to see Kate before this day ended?

Gathering all of the little energy he had left, he backtracked on the path until he found the right way again.

Since Sayid had told her what had happened, Kate was desperate. Sawyer had had a chance to come back with them, but he had passed on it. He still hadn't been ready to love her and it broke her heart.

Now it was getting dark and with each hour that went by, she felt the chances of his return were decreasing steadily. Would he realise how she felt for him before it was too late?

"Hey Kate!" she suddenly heard. She raised her eyes and noticed Hurley was standing in front of her. "Time to get to our shift," he reminded her.

Right. Button duty. Maybe once down the hatch she would find a good book that would keep her occupied for a few blessed hours?

"Let's go, then," she said as she got up from the sand and followed him. It was getting late and the probability of seeing Sawyer come back tonight was extremely slim. But she had this tiny hope inside her heart…

Walking past Charlie and Claire, she told them, on an impulse:

"Hey guys… If… someone needs us, we'll be down the hatch, okay?"

The couple nodded and Kate resumed her walking, unable to stop herself from intently watching the tree line …

Thankfully, Sawyer hadn't lost that much time and by the moment the jungle had gotten dark, he recognized his surroundings. He made it to the beach as fast as his weak body would permit him and immediately went to look for Kate. His heart beating fast, he tried to decide what he was going to tell her. He was going to reveal to her what Locke had told him about Frank. He was going to explain how it made him feel and why he had decided to leave with Jack. He was going to tell her how he had realised he loved her. And how he hoped she did love him, too.

But Kate was nowhere in sight. Not in her tent. Not by the fire. At least he knew she wasn't with Jack, he thought with satisfaction and relief. But … what if Jack had made it back before he had? What if he had told Kate that Sawyer loved her? What if she didn't share those feelings and got scared?

Noticing Charlie a few paces further down the beach, Sawyer walked up to him. Whatever Kate felt for him, he had to know. He had to tell her… right now.

"Where's Kate?" he asked briskly.

"Kate? She's on button duty with Hurley, why?" Charlie replied.

But he got no answer to his question. Sawyer was already heading to the hatch.

Kate had desperately been trying to find a good book to read, but nothing seemed appealing to her. Putting back on the shelf the one she had in hand, Kate sighed. It was getting late. Maybe she should just go to bed and try sleeping a bit?

She was about to get out of the room when she heard loud, decided footsteps. She stopped dead, listening.

"Where is she? Kate?" Sawyer's unmistakable voice asked hastily.

Kate felt her breath hitch in her throat. Was her mind playing tricks on her? Had the lack of sleep combined with worry driven her completely crazy?

Almost without her noticing, her feet began to move and a few seconds later she saw him.

Sawyer.

It really was him. His back was turned to her and for an instant she detailed him; the blond hair, the broad shoulders, the clammy black shirt.

Sawyer.

Hurley suddenly noticed her and pointed his index at her. Slowly, Sawyer turned around to face her. Their gazes meet and Kate felt like she was in some sort of a trance. She couldn't move, couldn't speak. He really had returned to her. Did it mean… did it mean he had definitely chosen her over revenge?

Hypnotised by his eyes, she hardly noticed Hurley excusing himself and leaving the hatch.

"Kate," Sawyer finally let out, his voice raspy and low. He was still looking intensely at her and her heart started to beat so fast she thought it was about to burst out of her chest.

She parted her lips to say something, she didn't even know what, but she froze as he let his pack fall to the floor and walked towards her. He stopped merely inches of her, and, enthralled with his nearness, Kate felt as though he could have done anything with her at that moment: she wouldn't have had the strength to stop him.

Agonizingly slowly, gently, Sawyer raised his hands to her face and caressed her cheeks with his thumbs. She closed her eyes, thinking she was going to faint.

"Kate," he whispered, wanting her to look at him again.

She did.

"I love you, Kate," he said, his voice strangled with emotion but his gaze never faltering.

His words sent shivers down her spine. She studied him for a second or two, his scruffy beard, his dirty hair and those intense, ocean blue eyes fixed on her, waiting for her response. Those eyes were filled with love and need, she could see it, but also of fear and vulnerability.

"I love you, too," she replied, her heart swollen with her love for him.

For a short moment he just looked at her in awe, seemingly afraid to believe she had really meant it. Wanting to reassure him, Kate raised her hands and rested them on his neck.

"I love you, James," she repeated, tentatively using his real name, hoping she hadn't just ruined everything.

For a split second he froze, but then, to her relief, he grinned and nodded slightly. Then, still not letting go of her face, he looked down at her lips and Kate knew that the moment she had both dreaded and dreamed about had arrived. The barriers between them had at long last vanished. They were finally free, finally ready to unleash those feelings they had fought against for so long.

Closing the final gap, Kate captured his lips. Instantly, Sawyer's hands slid to her waist and he held her close as he returned the kiss they were both keen to deepen. He was dirty, sweaty and unshaved, but she had never seen a more handsome man, nor had she ever been kissed like that. Nothing had ever felt better than those soft lips, these rough hands caressing her back gently as they satisfied a hunger yet building an appetite for more.

She trailed her fingers into his hair and was delighted to hear a stifled moan of pleasure against her lips. He squeezed the length of her body against him in response, crushing her chest against his. She swayed backwards, feeling happily giddy. Sawyer took a step forward with her in his strong arms, steadying them both. It was Kate's turn to moan as she felt Sawyer's tongue enter her mouth.

Touching him was electric and Kate couldn't get enough of it. She needed to feel his tanned skin under her fingers, so, without stopping kissing him, she proceeded to unbutton his shirt.

But Sawyer gently seized her hands to stop her.

"Kate," he let out huskily, "Are you sure you really want me? Because if you start this… there's no way I'll be able to stop it," he said and Kate sensed very clearly that he wasn't just talking about her taking his shirt off. He was referring to that new possibility of a relationship that had just opened up. About the love they had just admitted to each other.

Discerning the honest, raw emotion in his eyes erased the last doubts she could have had. She loved that man. Nothing could ever change that.

"I've never been so sure of anything," she murmured.

Upon hearing those words, Sawyer lifted her up in his arms and carried her inside the bunkroom.

It was the middle of the night now, but Kate and Sawyer had yet to sleep. Facing each other, they were cuddling on the bunk bed he had almost died on not so long ago, waiting for their hearts and breathing to slowly go back to normal.

As he leisurely caressed the soft skin of her hip, Sawyer was lost in his thoughts.

Kate was in his arms and he couldn't believe his luck.

As soon as he had seen her earlier, standing before him, he had forgotten all about the speech he had rehearsed. About all the explanations he had wanted to give her. At that moment, nothing else had mattered but to tell her how he felt, but to show her how much he loved her.

He closed his eyes; relieving the moment she had told him she loved him, too. It still made his pulse quicken. He remembered with emotion how she had used his real name, and how good it had felt. He was James again and it felt so right. From now on, he knew he would never be able to stand hearing the name he loathed from her lips again.

Their admissions had set them free and Sawyer had been overwhelmed with the wave of emotions that had washed over him. From then on there had been no holding back and he had never experienced such thing. Never had he given himself to a woman the way he had surrendered to Kate. Strangely, being with her had felt as thought it had been his first time. In a way, it had been. Kate held not only onto his heart and body, like Cassidy had, but she also had his soul and that was totally new to him.

And although the knowledge made him feel totally exhilarated, it still scared him to death to know that he could lose her one day.

"Promise me," he suddenly blurted out, moving his hand from her hip to the side of her face.

"What?" she wondered, meeting his eyes.

Sawyer took a second to swallow the lump in his throat and whispered:

"Promise me you'll never leave me…"

The need and fear must have been written all over his face, because Kate immediately realised he was serious. She gently stroked his stubbly cheek as she murmured:

"Oh, James…"

Seeing the tears glistening in Kate's eyes was too much for Sawyer who all of a sudden felt like a dam had broken inside him. Tears began pouring out, and through them, he tried to tell her what was on his mind.

"Kate…" he began as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him even closer than she had previously been, "I never understood… How could my dad want to kill my mom? People said… they said it was because he loved her too much. But it never made any sense to me Kate… Not until today," he explained.

Feeling Kate tense slightly, he quickly continued:

"He must have felt that life wasn't possible without her, Kate. Just the way I feel that I wouldn't be able to go on if I lost you now. I love you too much…"

For a second, Kate stopped moving and he had time to wonder if he just hadn't ruined it all. But then she cupped his face and forced him to look at her. He didn't resist.

Her eyes filled with love and her voice laced with determination, Kate spoke again.

"I promise, James. It's our destiny to be together. That's why we were brought here, to find each other. And we have. I'm never going to let you go again."

And the way she kissed him after saying those words proved him just how much she meant them.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 

Kate was the first one to open her eyes a few hours later.

Judging from the number of times they had pressed the button, it was getting closer to the time someone would come to take the next shift, unless Hurley had already told the whole camp why he had left the hatch. Unsure she was ready to become the newest gossip subject, she urged herself to get up and get dressed before she regretted it.

But she just didn't want to move.

Lying down on the narrow bed against Sawyer's chest, she had never felt so good in her entire life. So peaceful. Gazing at his sleeping form, she couldn't help but blush as she relived the night they had had. She had tried before to imagine how it would feel to be in bed with him and she had to admit that she hadn't been disappointed in the least.

The Sawyer she had been with was everything she could have asked for in a man. Rough but gentle, needy but attentive, strong but vulnerable. She pondered over the last adjective. She had always suspected he was, but she surely had never expected to see him as helpless as when he had asked her to make him a promise. But somehow, she only loved him more for being that way.

She wondered if she would see that side of him again when he woke up. She didn't think so and grinned. She didn't mind witty Sawyer. In fact, it was part of what had made her fall for him.

Knowing the minutes were quickly going by, she sighed. She would have to wake him if she wanted a chance to get out of this bunk bed. She was about to tenderly touch his cheek when he groaned and his eyes fluttered open. For a split second he seemed to wonder if he she was a dream or not.

But then he smiled, showing off his dimples. Kate waited for some quip about their busy night, but he only chuckled to himself.

"What?" she wondered, trying her best to sound annoyed but not doing a very good job at it.

"I was just asking myself to whom I'd donate my Playboy collection to," he replied, highly amused with the idea.

"What?" Kate repeated, unable to understand where that was coming from.

"Yeah, the porn magazines from my stash. I don't think I'll need them anymore, if you see what I mean, sugar," he explained with a wink.

Rolling her eyes, Kate sighed.

"You and your stash…"

Laughing quietly again, Sawyer pulled her even closer to his chest and, his lips against her ear, he whispered cockily:

"You didn't seem to mind my stash last night, if I remember correctly, Freckles."

Knowing he was referring to the condoms they had used, Kate blushed.

"Please, do tell me why you carry so many when going after the Others with… Jack?" she teased in return.

"Well, Sweetheart, you never know who you're going to fall upon in the damn jungle. 'Always be prepared', that's my motto."

"Oh, really?" she laughed, picturing him in a Boy Scout uniform.

Sawyer was about to let out some clever comment of his own when the alarm sounded again.

"I'll get it," Kate said as she proceeded to roll over him in an effort to get out of bed.

But Sawyer stopped her on top of him.

"Where do you think you're going, pumpkin?" he drawled.

"James, let go of me," she warned him, hoping the mention of his real name would destabilize him just long enough for her to free herself.

But Sawyer didn't flinch.

"Kiss me and I'll let you go."

Sighing theatrically, Kate complied and, if the faith of the world hadn't depended on that darn button, she could have easily kept on kissing him for the whole day. But duty was calling and she jumped out of bed and into her scattered clothes.

"You should get dressed, too," she told him in an effort of diverting his attention from her half-clothed body. Their intimacy was a bit too recent for her to feel comfortable under his appreciative stare.

"Where is Jack-O-Lantern when we need him with the damn button," Sawyer sighed loudly as he got up, too, and went searching for his boxers.

Kate had taken a step towards the computer, but, upon hearing those words, she stopped.

"You never did tell me what happened out there," she realised. "Did Jack come back with you?"

There was a trace of concern in her voice and, unsurprisingly, Sawyer was annoyed with it.

"I'm sure he's fine, Kate," he replied, clearly irritated. And the damn alarm was driving him nuts.

"I'll take care of the alarm, but then I want you to tell me everything, James," she said with determination as she disappeared in the other room.

Still annoyed with himself for mentioning Jack, Sawyer proceeded to button his shirt. As he did, he exited the bunkroom and that's when he came face to face with the good doctor.

"Well, well, didn't expect to see you back so soon," Sawyer mocked the man in front of him.

"Is Kate still here?" Jack just asked, frowning slightly as he gazed over Sawyer's shoulder and noticed the ONE unmade bunk bed. Following his eyes, Sawyer grinned in satisfaction.

"What can we do for you, doc?"

"I need to talk to her."

For a second, Sawyer looked as though he would tell him off. But then he called:

"Honey, there's someone at the door for you!"

The alarm finally stopped and Kate appeared with an enquiring look in her eyes. As soon as she saw Jack, a relieved smile materialized on her lips.

"Jack, are you okay?" she wondered as she stepped closer to the two men.

"Yes, I'm fine. But I need to talk to you, Kate."

"What about, Jacko?" Sawyer asked, staring menacingly at Jack.

Jack suddenly seemed exhausted.

"Sawyer, I'm not… Hurley said…" he mumbled, staring at Sawyer's half-buttoned shirt. "I'm not going to stand between you and Kate, Sawyer. I just need to talk to her."

Kate turned to Sawyer expectantly and he relinquished.

"I'll be down on the beach, babe," he said before kissing her possessively.

He then glared once more at Jack and left the hatch.

Kate joined Jack on the couch near the armoury and waited. What did he have to tell her? It seemed important, judging by the difficulty he seemed to have in beginning. So Kate asked the question she had meant for Sawyer.

"Jack," she said soothingly. "What happened out there?"

Jack exhaled and rubbed his hands over his face.

"We had been walking for several hours when we came across Michael," he finally began. "He told Sayid and Ana about the… the numbers. Locke's theory."

Kate nodded knowingly.

"Sayid and Ana-Lucia weren't happy to have been kept in the dark, so they headed back. Sawyer and I continued until we had to stop for the night…"

He paused briefly.

"And then… Sawyer realised he loved you, Kate, and left. I found myself alone. And when Sawyer left, I suddenly realised… I realised that I was alone. Not just at that moment, but generally. I had lost my wife, my father… you," he finished, looking at her intensely.

"Me?" she wondered.

"I know… I… I ruined our friendship, Kate," he sighed. "And if I hadn't been so eager to change you, so focused on not seeing all of you… Who knows? Maybe you could have felt something for me, Kate."

"Jack…" she said softly, sadness in her eyes.

Jack avoided her gaze and shook his head vigorously.

"I know, I know. I accept the fact that you chose Sawyer, Kate, I do. That's why I waited until this morning to come to you…" A resigned smile played on his lips briefly. "Hurley told me where you were… and with whom."

"Great," she commented wryly.

Jack sighed once more.

"So that's why I came back, Kate. I realised that, alone, I'd never be able to bring our people back. I decided that I had to take that leap of faith Locke likes to refer to."

"So… Your life got derailed, too, Jack?" Kate asked gently.

"Yeah… That's a long story…"

"Tell me."

Jack closed his eyes for a moment, looking as though he was gathering all his strength to continue.

"My father… he… he was a surgeon, just as I am. But he wasn't happy, so he drank. But the thing is, he wasn't willing to do anything to change that. He figured it was his fate to suffer. One day, when I was 16… I don't really remember why, but I know I needed to see him. So I went down the hospital, but he was in surgery. I decided to wait and headed to the cafeteria. Nearby where I was sitting, there were two nurses… talking about someone, some doctor they didn't like. They were saying how… saying what a drunk he was. How he didn't seem to care for his patients, or for anyone, for that matter. And then they said his name. Christian Shepard."

"Oh, Jack, I'm so sorry…"

"Don't be… That day, I decided that I had to do something to change that situation. Maybe he didn't want to be helped, but I was going to do everything I could to stop him from throwing his life and his career down the toilet. I hated that he refused to take any responsibility for the way his life was and put it all on fate. I had to fix that."

"But how could you do anything, Jack?"

"Well, I decided to become a doctor. To become a surgeon and work at the same hospital he did. That way, I'd be able to understand him, to be closer to him physically and mentally. To work at changing the perception others had of him…"

"Did it work?" Kate questionned.

Jack shook his head tiredly.

"Of course not. Now I understand how silly, how pretentious of me it had been to think I could fight other people's battles… Maybe it's their fate. And that's not something I could battle against. I'm not God…"

Kate almost chuckled as she remembered Sawyer's joke about Jack and God but instead she scooted closer to her friend and gently rubbed his back as he went on.

"One day, he basically killed a woman on the operating table because he was drunk. I reported him and he lost his license. He flew to Australia and drank himself to death," he explained, tears now rolling down his face. "And I blamed myself for it, Kate. It was my fault he was dead, I thought. Until the moment I found myself alone in the jungle. Then I realised I couldn't have done anything. It only was a matter of time."

"Seems to me like you've came a long way, Jack. You've freed yourself from a lot of guilt and pain. You might be ready to face that black cloud and to become the person you were meant to be…" she said, thinking how she and Sawyer were probably all set to do the same.

Jack chuckled.

"I can't believe I'm actually… that I actually agree with you on such a ridiculous thing, Kate."

They shared a smile and then Kate asked:

"What do you want from the island, Jack? Locke thinks it has the power to give us what we need."

Jack sobered up instantly and she could feel the emotion lacing his voice as he answered her question.

"All I want is to bring my father home, as my mother asked me. All I want is to give him the peace he deserves."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Making his way from the hatch to the beach, Sawyer was in a foul mood. Leaving Kate with Jack right after getting out of bed wasn't his idea of the ideal morning after. What did the hero want with her? Would he try to convince her to stay away from her new lover?

Sawyer grimaced. Jack had assured him he respected Kate's choice and, Sawyer had to admit it, the doctor was a man of his word. Nothing was going to happen between him and Kate, he knew it. Plus, he had the certainty that Kate wasn't lying when she had promised to stay by his side. Then why did he still feel threatened by Jack? Why did he still have this tiny fear that she might decide he wasn't good enough for her? She knew all of him, he wasn't holding anything back from her anymore. And yet she had chosen him over Jack. He should just focus on that and stop being such a baby about it.

Maybe he should put this time without Kate to good use and have a little talk with Locke? After all, he still had many unanswered questions about Frank. Satisfied with his plan, Sawyer headed toward the camp with renewed vigour.

Coming closer to the tree line, he noticed Charlie trying to put Aaron to sleep. A second later, Hurley came out of his tent and Charlie looked surprised.

"Hey Hurley," he called as he walked closer, "You slept here? I thought you were on hatch duty for the night with Kate?"

Hurley sighed.

"I was, dude. Until Sawyer came barging in and they looked as though they were about to rip their clothes off and go at it right in front of me. So I knew I better leave them alone."

Hurley's words made Sawyer smile. Rip their clothes off, huh? He stopped, wanting to know what else Hurley had to say about the previous night.

"What? You think there's something cooking between the two of them?"

"Ooooh, yeah. You haven't seen what I saw," Hurley said, seemingly still in a bit of shock at the memory.

"I always thought she'd go for Jack," Charlie commented, pondering on the news.

Sawyer's grin faded. Irritated, he resumed his walking towards the beach.

"Really? Women always go for the underdog, man," Hurley stated.

"I guess so."

Fuming, Sawyer exited the jungle and shot a deadly glance to the gossipers. They both understood the message and wasted no time in disappearing. Now in a _really_ bad mood, Sawyer walked up to Locke.

"James! Welcome back!" Locke greeted him, possibly infuriating Sawyer even more.

Sawyer pressed his lips together, not enthralled with the notion of needing John Locke to obtain the information he was seeking. The guy was okay, he guessed, but depending on anyone for anything just wasn't something he enjoyed.

"What happened to him?" he asked bluntly to an imperturbable Locke.

"You mean my father, uh? Sit down, James," John said as he motioned for him to sit in the sand, "I'll tell you everything. Now you're ready to hear it."

Silently, Sawyer complied and waited for Locke to begin his story.

"I told you I once had the chance to be with this amazing woman… Helen. I loved her and she loved me. But I just couldn't let go of my father. Why, do you ask? Why did I want a relationship with such an awful person? Well, I think I wanted him to love me, to respect me. That was something I had suffered from all my life, how my parents couldn't have loved me enough to keep me…" Locked paused, in a rare moment of emotion.

"At one point," he continued, "Helen asked me to choose between her and my father. I wanted her so much, James. But I was unable to let go of that man. One day, I went to see him and Helen followed me. I had betrayed her and I definitely lost her that day. So I jumped in my car and followed my father who had just left. I… I don't know what for really. What would I have said to him? I don't know. But, ultimately, it was never an issue, because as he tried to run away from me, driving recklessly, he smashed into a van. I was too close to avoid his car and I hit it. He died on the spot and I was left wheelchair bound."

Sawyer looked at Locke in disbelief, staring at his feet. Locke briefly chuckled.

"The island healed me, James," he explained. "It gave me a second chance. Now I'm whole, maybe for the first time in my life. And I'm not afraid to believe. This place was my destiny. My destiny was to find you and help you take that second chance you deserved."

For a moment Sawyer didn't speak, processing all the information the older man had just shared with him. So Locke had caused Frank's death. Unknowingly, he had freed Sawyer from his revenge need, had given him a chance to be with Kate. Feeling uneasy, pondering on the strangeness of the situation, Sawyer knew he had to thank the man in front of him.

"So I guess I should thank you," he said, avoiding looking directly into John's eyes.

Locke waved his hand as if pushing away any kind of gratefulness on Sawyer's part.

"I'm the one thankful to you James. You made me realize that the pain I endured hadn't been for nothing. It was part of the greater scheme of life. By choosing love over hate, you gave meaning to my loss."

To those wise words there really wasn't anything else to add. The two men felt obliged to one another; a unexpected bond had formed between them.

Gazing further down the beach, Sawyer suddenly noticed Kate emerging from the jungle and sending glances around her. She was probably looking for him, Sawyer realised.

Locke followed his eyes and, with a satisfied smile, sent Sawyer away.

"Go to her, James," he said warmly. "And always remember how lucky you are."

Obeying, Sawyer got up, dusted the sand off his worn-off jeans and walked towards the woman he loved.

The open-hearted chat she had just had with Jack had troubled Kate. Approaching the beach after leaving the hatch, she reflected on how she had never seen her friend so defenceless and in a way it worried her. After all, Jack had been the castaways' rock since the crash. Who would be capable of replacing him if he didn't feel like being their leader anymore?

There had been moments recently when she had disapproved of the way he was always certain of being right, but now that she understood where that came from, she couldn't really blame him anymore. She actually felt compassion for him. One thing she had learned since crashing on this island: no one was really what they seemed. They all had reasons for being the way they were. No one had the right to judge anyone else.

Yes, she was glad he had chosen to come to her despite the few rough patches they had encountered lately. Now they could go back to being friends… He even accepted the fact that she had chosen Sawyer over him. Kate sighed and sped up her pace as she stepped onto the beach. She missed Sawyer already and couldn't wait to lose herself again in his powerful arms.

For a moment she searched for him with her eyes, but he was nowhere to be seen. Apprehension crept up in her heart: had he been so jealous, so angry with her for agreeing to talk with Jack that he had needed to stay away from her for a while? To make her feel guilty?

But all of a sudden she saw him sitting with Locke and relaxed. He probably had had a few questions he needed to have answered… Sawyer noticed her, too, and a second later he was standing up and motioning for her to join him at his tent.

"Hey gorgeous," he said as they met, a wide, happy smile spread on his face. Kate had rarely, if ever, seen him so relaxed, so genuinely content and the realisation that it had everything to do with her filled her with joy.

She returned his grin and they lay down on his airplane seat, he on his back, she on her side, her head on his shoulder, his arm around her. For a moment they were silent; just enjoying the feel of each other's body. Kate noticed a few people shooting them surprised glances and she closed her eyes. She had never been too fond of being the centre of attention, especially with regards to her love life. She understood people's astonishment at her choice, but she didn't regret allowing herself to love Sawyer. He was a wonderful person under his bad-ass attitude and she wished everyone could know the man she knew.

"So, did you make all better for poor Jacko?" Sawyer suddenly asked, stopping her train of thoughts.

Sensing his insecurity, Kate lifted her head and locked her gaze into his, trying to convey just how much she loved him. Would he ever trust the way she felt for him?

She probably did a good job with that look, because Sawyer glanced down and said:

"I'm sorry. I know… I know Jack is only a friend to you."

Kate smiled sweetly and let her head rest again on his chest. Did he really understand now? Did he really get just how much she loved him, needed him? It would probably take a while until they both adjusted to their new relationship, she was well aware of that.

Silence lingered for a moment until Sawyer spoke again:

"Did he tell you what happened out there?" he wondered.

"A little," she replied.

"Want me to fill in the gaps?"

"Like how you realised you loved me?" she said with a teasing half smile. "Sure."

So he told her everything. How he had learned Frank Sawyer was dead. How it had made him feel and why he had decided to leave with Jack. How Jack, of all people, had brought him to realise that she loved him. He even told her how he had told Jack he loved her, back when half-dead and with a bullet hole in his shoulder.

Kate didn't really know why, but she was touched that he had loved her even back then. Well, that was less than two weeks ago, but it felt like months before. And when exactly had they fallen for each other, she wondered? When she had taken the gun from his pants? Or when she had told him he never had been with a girl exactly like her? Then they had recognised they had a connection. But love? Was it when she had accepted kissing him, after he had been tortured? When she had seen, for the first time, something honest and raw in his sapphire eyes?

But it didn't really matter when it had happened. It felt to her as if he had always been there with her. She needed him, and he needed her, she had had proof of that the previously night. And all she wanted now was to be able to hold onto her promise. To have the chance to spend the rest of her life by his side.

But… How exactly could the island provide that for them? Were they setting up themselves for a big disappointment by thinking they had a chance to get what they wanted more than anything? Kate suppressed a sigh. Maybe they were, she had to keep that possibility in mind. But now that Jack had accepted the need to change, they, at the very least, had a chance of finding out if what the bearded man had said was true.

"James…" she said, barely above a whisper, "Do you reckon it's time for us to meet with that monster? That cloud?" she asked softly, uncertainty lacing her voice.

Sawyer didn't answer right away, and she had the time to worry he would discourage her of even going to meet that stupid cloud.

"Well…" he finally begun. "All I know is that I've let go of my past, Freckles… Proof being that I burned my letter."

"You did?" she asked, raising her head to meet his gaze. Although a little surprised, she was totally delighted.

"Yep." Noticing her wide smile, he questioned: "Your plane?"

"Gone," she confirmed happily.

They shared a grin. Sawyer probably felt the same exhilaration she did, realising that they were now totally free to move forward with each other.

"Then what are we waiting for, pumpkin?" he asked, almost giddy. "Let's go and find that cloud right now!"

"So, Freckles, not that I'm not enjoying the view," he said, staring intently at her rear, prompting a eye roll from Kate, "but how long are we going to walk around in this damn jungle?"

"I'm heading to the spot where Eko and I saw the cloud. We're almost there, old timer, hang on," she said. Her back was turned to him but he could easily imagine the teasing smile plastered on her pretty face.

Choosing to ignore the remark, he mumbled:

"We spent two months avoiding this thing and now we can't even find it."

Kate didn't reply or slow down her pace, so Sawyer became lost in his thoughts again, his gaze fixed on her. She was completely in her element in the jungle. Her stride was assured and relaxed. She exulted… freedom.

The realisation saddened him. Kate was only free while she was on this island. And then… At best, she'd be on the run again. A cold rage suddenly surged throughout Sawyer's body and his hands turned into fists. He would die before those FBI bastards put her in a jail cell, he swore to himself.

At this instant, they heard the unmistakable, roaming roar of the monster coming to their left. They froze for a second, then Sawyer took a few steps to stand in front of Kate in a protective gesture. But she quickly came back to his side and Sawyer frowned, annoyed. He almost pushed her behind him again, but caught a glance of Kate's peaceful, confident expression. She was ready to face that cloud and wasn't afraid of it. And the truth was that Sawyer was impatient to do just that, too. So, as the cloud appeared in front of them, he only grabbed her hand and they waited, unmoving.

Together.

The monster stopped only inches from their faces and images started to flash before their eyes. Jumbled, meaningful moments in Sawyer's life flickered inside the cloud: his father's boots as he entered his bedroom, Frank Duckett falling to the ground, the plane crashing down, the look on Kate's face as he revealed her past to everyone, the sight of Kate, sleeping by his side the previous night and, finally, an image he had never seen. It only lasted a split second, but Sawyer had time to see he and Kate, standing in a grassy field, holding hands, watching a few kids running in the distance.

The scene quickly disappeared, but it left him filled with hope and a sense of contentment. That was exactly what he wanted out of life, he thought as the black cloud retreated back in the depths of the jungle. Kate. A house in the countryside.

Kids.

The realisation surprised him; he had never allowed himself to imagine any such thing as having kids one day. But at that moment it felt just right and he turned to Kate with love written all over his face.

"Are you okay?" she wondered as he took her in his arms and kissed the top of her head.

For a minute or two he didn't reply, feeling all emotional. At long last, he tightened his embrace and, his voice husky, he promised:

"I'll find a way to set you free, baby. I promise."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 

Sawyer had finally let go of her and hand in hand, they had headed back to camp. They didn't talk much along the way, both replaying their encounter with the cloud privately. Kate, for one, was still shaken up by the images she had seen: the man she wished could have been her real father leaving the house for good, Wayne's face as she put him in bed for the last time, Sawyer asking her to promise she'd always be by his side… And, finally, an image of her and Sawyer on a ranch, watching kids she figured could be theirs.

That's what she wanted out of life: the chance to be with Sawyer and have a family. An ordinary life. But she knew full well that they would have to avoid the official rescue team that might one day come to the island. She wondered if they could find a way to leave on their own. Could they steal the Others' boat? She considered the idea for a second before remembering that Sawyer had once said that their boat wasn't built for the open ocean. If she had been alone, she might have chanced it, but no way was she going to endanger Sawyer's life in the process. That was… if he really wanted to come along.

Kate reprimanded herself internally. Of course he wanted to. He had just told her that he'd find a way to set them free, and she believed him. So she should just stop doubting his love and actually start working on a plan.

"What do you think will happen when Jack faces the cloud, too?" she wondered out loud.

Sawyer's brow furrowed, but after a second he shrugged.

"I have no idea, Freckles… Maybe a rescue boat will just appear on the horizon?" he said with a hint of sarcasm.

"I… We can't be found by the rescue team, James. They'll be looking for me…" she explained, almost apologizing.

In response, Sawyer stopped walking and brought her close to his body.

"I'll stay here with you forever if I have to, Kate," he whispered, looking at her intently. "But isn't this whole facing the cloud thing about faith? Isn't the island supposed to help us get what we really want? Hasn't the cloud showed you what you really needed?"

Kate nodded, thinking about the vision she had had of their kids.

"Yes, you're right. I guess we have to believe… and keep an eye open for any opportunity," she agreed unenthusiastically. She was so used of making note of every possibility of escape, she was having a hard time letting go and relying on faith. But Sawyer was right and if he was willing to believe, so was she. She wasn't alone anymore, she suddenly realised. She never would be.

Her heart filled with immeasurable love for him, she softly stroked his stubbly cheek, which caused him to tighten his embrace.

"I promise you, Kate, we'll get what we want. We'll get to do all those things normal couples do. I'll take you to the movies. We'll have lazy Sundays in bed. You'll ask me to take the garbage out while you-"

His voice broke and Kate, noticing his eyes filled with emotion, placed a soft kiss on his lips before asking gently:

"While I what?"

"While you put the kids in bed," he replied shyly, looking down briefly before gazing at her again.

Touched by his obvious love for her, Kate fought back the tears that threatened to invade her eyes. Wanting to lighten the mood, she kissed the corner of his mouth and replied:

"So we have kids?"

Sawyer took the hint and a more relaxed smile appeared on his face.

"Yep, a little girl with Freckles and curly brown hair, and-"

"A blond, dimpled boy?" she wondered, slowly tracing his lips with her finger.

"Huh-uh," he confirmed.

"Great. And what are we going to do when they're asleep?" she asked seductively.

Sawyer grinned and playfully replied:

"Well, there is that football game on and-"

"James!" she interrupted him, trying to look outraged. "Isn't there something_ else_ we'd rather be doing?" she enquired as she proceeded to run her fingers in his hair.

"Well, if you insist, Freckles… I guess there are a few things we _could _do… naked," he murmured huskily in her ear.

That was more to Kate's taste and, pressing her whole body against his, she purred:

"Like what?"

With a naughty grin, Sawyer cupped her behind and said:

"I could show you right now, Sugar Pie… We're in no hurry to get back to camp, are we?"

Tempted, Kate leaned in to kiss him passionately when they heard rummaging in the trees nearby. Their senses immediately alerted, they both jerked back and Sawyer drew his gun, pointing it in the general direction of the noise.

"Hey guys!" Locke said joyfully as he suddenly emerged from the bushes. "What are you up to?"

Kate looked away, hoping she wasn't blushing, while Sawyer mumbled grumpily to himself as he put the gun back in his pants.

"We just faced the cloud," Kate finally explained.

Locke nodded and was silent for a moment, pondering on the news and its effects on their group.

"Well, I guess that only leaves Jack," he stated evenly, "then the security system will unlock."

"Yes," Kate approved. "And I think he'll be ready to meet with it sooner than we think."

Locke raised an interested eyebrow but he only concluded:

"Okay, then I'll just forget about that boar and go back to camp. Are you coming? I think the six of us need to have a serious talk."

Not waiting for their answer, Locke turned around and walked away. Sawyer shot Kate the most desperate look, but she just smiled and followed John. She heard Sawyer sigh, but a second later she could hear his pissed off footsteps behind her.

As they stepped onto the beach, the threesome came across Michael and Eko who were sitting on a log, talking. After Locke explained the situation, the two men joined the group and they all headed to Jack's tent.

As if on cue, the doctor exited his home as they arrived.

"Jack!" Locke called.

"Hey," Jack replied, surprised. "What's going on?" he added, sounding a bit worried.

"Kate and Sawyer just faced the black cloud, Jack. We all have."

Jack nodded pensively.

"So that only leaves me, huh?"

"Are you ready, Jack?" Kate asked gently.

As a reply, he sighed deeply and rubbed a tired hand over his eyes. But then, he stared at Kate and simply said:

"I'm ready."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Locke asked, obviously excited about the prospect of finally cracking the island's secret. "Let's go right now."

The others appeared to agree, but Kate stole a glance at Sawyer who looked disheartened at the thought of another trek in the jungle. He was probably thinking how all he seemed to be doing since recovering from his bullet wound was walking.

"Can't we wait until tomorrow?" Kate asked, discreetly pointing at Sawyer who didn't notice a thing. But Jack understood what she meant and sighed.

"Okay, we'll wait until the morning. But I suggest you actually get some rest, tonight," he retorted, looking intently at Sawyer who smiled widely in response.

"I can't promise you anything, doc," he drawled, encircling Kate's waist with his arm. "The woman is insatiable."

Embarrassed and annoyed, Kate elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ouch!" Sawyer let out, in pain, but no one paid any attention to him and Jack continued:

"So let's meet here early tomorrow morning. I'll face the cloud and, since I'm the last one to do so, the security system is supposedly going to unlock itself. We don't know what's going to happen then, so be prepared for a long trip."

Without a word, the six castaways nodded gravely and went their separate ways.

Kate had been a little irritated with Sawyer's comment about her sexual appetite and had resolved to spend the night in her own tent, alone. That would show him, she figured. Plus, she knew Sawyer needed to rest. But all it took was Sawyer apologizing for his ungentlemanly behaviour and a promise he'd behave from then on for her to change her mind.

'Truth was that she craved him. Trying to go to sleep away from him would prove impossible, she was certain of it. So, in the end, they had slept in each other's arms, but only after Sawyer had agreed to postpone any activities of the naked kind. He hadn't been that hard to convince, obviously being exhausted.

When morning came, Kate was the first to wake and started thinking about the journey ahead. Today, the island's security system would, if the bearded man was to be trusted, open for them. What would happen then? She didn't know. The man had said that unlocking the system would allow the castaways to leave the island and Kate knew full well she couldn't leave with them. No, another opportunity would probably arise for her and Sawyer, she had to believe that.

One thing she was growing certain of, was that she and Sawyer would never come back to the beach after today and the prospect saddened her. For the first time in years, she had friends. Good friends. Sun, Claire, Charlie, Sayid… She would miss them.

Kate had never been good at goodbyes, but she decided there and then not to leave that morning without telling those people how much she cared for them. She glanced at Sawyer, still asleep. He needed to rest as long as possible, she knew it. So why not get up right now and say her farewells while he slept?

Careful not to wake her lover, she raised and took a step towards the door. But she froze when she heard:

"Freckles?"

Kate turned around and smiled at Sawyer's sleepy and confused expression.

"Go back to sleep, James. We're not leaving right away," she told him tenderly.

"Then where are you going?" he wondered, now sounding more and more awake.

"I'm going to say my goodbyes," she explained. "We might not come back here ever again, you know."

"I know," he replied with a deep sigh, letting himself fall on his back. Kate could feel the battle going on inside of him, old and new Sawyer fighting. She wished he'd decide to come with her. After all, he _had_ some friends on this island and she wished he'd recognise it. But she wasn't going to push him to do so.

"Go back to sleep," she repeated, "I'll be right back."

She was starting to turn around, when she finally heard Sawyer mumble reluctantly:

"Wait for me."

Kate smiled happily as she watched him get up.

James had won.

The first person they went to see was Claire. She was really saddened at the thought that this was probably their last contact. Two months ago they hadn't even known one another, but so much had happened in those few weeks!

"He's already grown so much," Kate said as she held Aaron one last time.

Sawyer noticed how fondly she was looking at the baby she had delivered herself. That was an experience she would never forget, he was certain of that. At one point, she glanced at Sawyer and in her eyes he could easily read how much she hoped that one day she'd have the chance to hold their own baby. In this instant, he loved her so much it almost hurt. Returning her gaze, he tried to tell her that and how he was ready to move heaven and earth to make sure they'd experience that joy one day.

"Yeah… I wish he'd had the chance to know you two," Claire said sadly. "But I promise I'll tell him all about you. I'll tell you how important you guys have been in his life… and how much he appreciated you, Sawyer."

Sawyer was touched at her words and looked down, not really knowing how to act. In a way, being James again was allowing him to be himself, to let his true nature speak. But there would be a transition period, he knew it.

Probably sensing his discomfort, Kate grinned widely and said:

"Yes, he sure loves his uncle Jimmy."

The two women started to giggle at those words while Sawyer immediately jerked his head up and looked at Kate in astonishment.

"I can't believe you, woman! I mean…" he let out, and that only caused the girls to laugh harder.

Unable to keep his hurt front, Sawyer smiled, too. Kate had never looked so stunning; she was relaxed and cheerful, something he had rarely seen, if at all. But there would be other times likes this, he would make certain of it.

The girls finally sobered up and, after a final hug, the couple headed towards Jin and Sun's tent. On their way there, they heard:

"Hey cowboy!"

They stopped, turned and came face to face with Ana-Lucia.

"Been fun," she said, talking to Sawyer who smiled while Kate couldn't hide her aversion for the former cop.

"Yep, Rico, it was swell," he replied flippantly. "Whenever someone stomps on my injuries again, I'll think of you," he added, trying to sound sarcastic but unable to hide his sympathy for her.

At first, he had hated Ana with all his heart, but after a while he had appreciated her for who she was: a hurt, lonely woman who reminded him way too much of himself to allow him to truly despise her.

She had killed Shannon, indeed, but the way he saw it, it could've happened to anybody. That fact couldn't lessen Sayid's pain, of course, but going on blaming Ana Lucia would never bring 'Sticks' back. Everybody deserved a second chance, Sawyer now understood, and he certainly was in no position to deny that chance to Ana.

At his words, Ana grinned, amused.

"Be nice, Sawyer. And take care of her," she said, pointing at Kate with her chin, "You won't be lucky enough to find another one like her."

"I will," he replied, and Ana went her way.

"She's not that bad," Kate commented as they resumed they walking.

Her remark made Sawyer smile. One nice sentence coming from Ana-Lucia's mouth and Kate's feelings for her were totally changed. Ah, those women, he'd never understand them.

As they approached Sun and Jin's tent, the saw the Korean couple coming up to them.

"Kate! Sawyer! Is this true? John told us you were leaving… maybe for good?" Sun said, sadness lacing her voice.

"Yes, Sun, we are," Kate confirmed. "You know I can't let the authorities find me… Plus, we don't know what's waiting for us out there, once we've all faced the cloud…"

"Oh, Kate!" Sun said as the tears began running down her cheeks. "I'm going to miss you so much!"

Sun and Kate fell into each other's arms while the men looked at them, feeling a bit awkward. After a moment, Jin took a step towards Sawyer, extending his right hand.

"Friends," he only said, but Sawyer understood perfectly. He swallowed hard, overcome with emotion and shook the hand Jin was offering. As he did, all he could think of was how his life had changed since stepping on that fateful plane. There were now people he could call friends, people who cared for him. He had now found someone who loved him and whom he loved in return.

But above all, he had found himself again.

"Friends," he only repeated, and both men smiled.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Ready to go?" Jack asked Kate, who was standing outside Sawyer's tent.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I'm just waiting for Sawyer to decide what he's taking with him."

Jack raised an eyebrow, not sure he understood what she meant, so she added:

"His stash. He's having a hard time leaving it behind," she explained, rolling her eyes as she smiled.

Jack returned her grin.

"Well, everybody else is ready to go. Meet us at my tent in five minutes, okay?"

"Alright. I'll try to convince him that he won't need any pantyhose where we're going and we'll be right there," Kate replied mockingly.

"I can hear you, you know," a grumpy voice said from inside of the tent.

"I know you can," she chuckled. "Now get out of there. It's time to get this show on the road, Jimmy."

Not more than two seconds went by before Sawyer's incredulous face emerged from the tent.

"What did you say?"

"I said-"

"I know what you said, Freckles. Just didn't think you'd have the guts to repeat that one so soon," he said with a pretend threatening look.

"What would be stopping me?" she asked teasingly.

She hadn't quite finished her sentence before Sawyer had jerked out from his tent and tackled her.

"Now, now, what do you say, sweet pea? Thinking about mocking me again?"

"I could hurt you, you know."

"Don't fool yourself, Freckles, I know all your tricks by now."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah."

But he clearly was surprised when Kate raised her head and planted a soft kiss on his lips. He quickly recovered, though, and returned the favour. Need was obvious in his kiss and Kate smiled.

"What?" he wondered, his brow furrowed.

"I'm thinking that it's too bad we'll never get to do it inside your tent," she said with a naughty smile.

"We're not gone yet, Freckles," Sawyer replied as he insistently pressed his lips on hers again.

"Jack is waiting for us," she stated when he finally let her breathe again.

"Let him wait."

"The others are waiting, too."

Sawyer sighed, defeated.

"Alright… let's go, then."

Feeling strangely sad at the idea of seeing this beach for the last time, the pair went to meet the rest of the group which was gathered in front of Jack's tent.

A minute later, Michael, Eko, Locke, Jack, Kate and Sawyer entered the jungle and stepped into uncertainty.

"Are you okay, Jack?" Kate asked as they walked through the hot jungle. They had been doing so for a few hours already, but so far hadn't had any 'luck' finding the so-called monster. Locke and Eko were leading the way and, jumping on the fact that Michael had tried to make conversation with Sawyer, Kate had hurried to catch up with Jack. Letting go of the past, of one's regrets, wasn't an easy thing to do. When she'd done it, she had been lucky enough to have Sawyer by her side. But Jack was pretty much alone and she felt as though she should be there for him.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he replied, perceptibly drained of emotions, but with his usual determination. "I just can't wait for this to be done."

"You'll see, it'll be just fine. The cloud will show you some events from your past, events that made you who you are today. And you'll see what you really want out of life. Of your future."

Jack sighed and briefly looked down before saying:

"I already know what I want. I want to give my father the peace he deserves, Kate. I… I want to make things right with him."

Kate put her hand on Jack's forearm in an effort to comfort him.

"You've got to let go of your guilt, Jack. Whatever happened between you and your father before he died… I'm sure he never stopped loving you."

Her words visibly struck a nerve within her friend, because for a few seconds Kate saw him try to control his emotions. She waited, not wanting to press him too hard, and soon he spoke again.

"I _know_ he loved me in spite of everything… Sawyer told me."

"What? Sawyer?"

Kate was stunned. How could Sawyer have known Jack's father?

"Yeah… Before he left on the raft… he told me he had met my father in Sydney…"

"He did?"

Jack smiled.

"What a coincidence, huh?"

"I'm sure John or Eko would tell you not to mistake coincidence for fate," she said with a wry grin.

"I guess so," he smirked.

"So, your dad told Sawyer about you?"

Quickly, Jack repeated to her what Sawyer had revealed to him a few weeks ago, and Kate couldn't help but feel proud of her man. Even if things had never been easy between he and Jack (partly because of her, she realised), Sawyer had found it in him to do the right thing.

"All I want is to find him," Jack continued. "To find his… body. To take him back to my mother. To tell him a proper goodbye… He's somewhere on this island, Kate. And I want to-"

Jack abruptly stopped talking, interrupted by that unmistakable metallic sound: the monster was coming.

It was over within a few seconds, just the way it had been for all of them. The cloud stopped right in front of Jack and the rest of the group could distinguish the flashes of light coming from it as they stood by.

But this time, to their surprise, the monster didn't gather himself and disappear into the jungle. No, this time around, it just dissipated into thin air and for what seemed like an eternity to Sawyer, nothing happened. Until…

Until suddenly the sky seemed bluer to him, the sun brighter… Were his eyes playing tricks on him? Judging by the looks on his fellow castaways' faces, they weren't. A few feet away from him, Locke was studying the ground with great interest.

"Tracks… their tracks, everywhere…" John murmured, amazed. "They must have been there along…"

"Only we could not see them," Eko added, exchanging a knowing glance with Locke.

"What do we do now?" Kate then wondered.

She hadn't finished her sentence that they heard whispers all around them. Even though he knew it would be of much use, Sawyer drew his gun and waited. But this time around, they could clearly make out what the voices said.

"Show him the plane… Show him the plane…" they kept on repeating.

"The plane?" Michael began, "What plane? We've all seen the middle section, the tail sunk… what then? The cockpit?"

"The Beechcraft," Locke said quietly.

The usually calm Eko suddenly became agitated.

"A Beechcraft?! Where?? You have to show me, John!"

"Why? Why are you so interested in an old plane?" Jack wondered, not too happy with the memories that plane brought up for him.

Eko stilled and stared at the doctor.

"Because that plane might be what I have been looking for."

"Boone and I found it by accident," Locke said in answer to the priest's question as they headed to the spot where the small plane had crashed.

"Boone?" Eko wondered. He hadn't heard the name yet.

Kate looked down. It seemed like ages ago since that fateful night, but it wasn't and it still made her sad to think about it.

"He was a survivor, too. But he died a while ago," she was the one to reply.

"The Others?" Eko wondered.

Kate shook her head, but Locke spoke first.

"No."

Quickly, John filled in his fellow survivor on the events leading to Boone's death and it was with sadness that the group resumed their walk towards the cockpit. They were closer to it than Kate had imagined and she stopped dead when she saw the broken plane. She hadn't known Boone very well, but to see the place where he had been fatally wounded wasn't easy.

But Eko reacted very differently. Without an hesitation, he went inside the plane. The rest of the party waited outside in silence, wondering what was going on. How could Eko know something about that plane?

"Do you think he found what he's been looking for since his life got derailed?" Kate asked Sawyer who was standing by her side.

"I think he might just have, Freckles," he answered, and her words gave Kate more confidence in the island. Maybe it meant that they would really find a way to escape this place.

After a few minutes, Eko came out, wearing a cross around his neck. As he neared them, Kate saw wet traces on his cheeks.

He had cried.

Before anyone could say anything, they saw flames coming out from the Beechcraft. Everyone gazed at Eko, looking for answers.

"Up until I was 15 years old," he began, "all I wanted to be was a priest. I was born to be one. But… one day everything changed. I did terrible things. But in the end I forgave myself. I know I'm not a bad person," he explained, his eyes not leaving the blaze. "Before finding this plane, I knew I could still be a priest, if only I could just do the one last thing I needed to do…"

Eko stared at the fire for a moment before going on with his explanations.

"My brother, Yemi, was on that plane. Finding him, finding that cross was the sign I was waiting for. A sign that he forgave me, that everything was right again. Now I am free to be what I was supposed to be."

The group stood there for long minutes, waiting as Eko prayed. At one point, he turned to Jack and said, as he stared at him intensely:

"Who are you looking for, Jack?"

Jack was taken aback, obviously, but it didn't take him long to recover and reply:

"My father."

"Is he on this island, too?" Eko wondered.

"Yes. I was taking his body back to L.A. when we crashed. I found his coffin, but it was empty."

Eko raised an interested eyebrow.

"I know where your father is, Jack."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 

"Where? Where is he?" Jack asked, restless.

Tranquilly, Eko explained how he was the one to recover the bodies from the ocean after the crash. One by one, he had buried them and he remembered how one of the body wasn't like the others.

"That man was wearing a dark suit and was… stiff. It looked to me as though he had been embalmed. That is why I remember him."

"Show me! Take me to him, please!"

"I will, Jack."

Since nobody raised any objection, the group resumed their walking, this time heading to the beach where the tail had crashed.

As they walked, Sawyer's thoughts began to drift towards Kate. She followed the men without complaining, without showing more signs of tiredness than the rest of them were. Sawyer smiled. He was proud of her, proud of being able to call her his girl. Who would have thought he'd end up being the lucky man she loved?

As he followed her through the narrow path, he just couldn't take his eyes off her. He was one blessed SOB: his soulmate was plain gorgeous, he thought, his dimples now showing as he let his eyes wander to her rear end.

Kate chose this moment to turn around.

"Quit staring at my ass," she warned him, but there was a faint twinkle in her eye letting him know that she didn't mind being the object of his desire.

"Then give me something else to stare at," he replied with a salacious grin.

He waited for Kate to make another menacing comment, but all she did was look at him longingly. Sawyer just couldn't help himself. To hell with the other men thinking he was a sap. He had to kiss her.

With more tenderness than he'd usually like to display, he put his arms around her and drew her close. She didn't resist, meeting his lips halfway.

"I miss you," he then whispered in her ear and he could actually feel her shiver. He could help smiling with satisfaction. He hadn't lost his touch.

"Me too," she replied before taking his hand and following the rest of the group.

How was it that it had been less than two days since they had been intimate, but he still craved her as if it had been months? He just didn't know. But what he did know was that he was going to move heaven and earth to get some time alone with her.

Soon.

Sawyer's wish was granted when a couple of hours later Jack decided it was time for a real break.

"I'm going to go and find some mangoes," Kate declared. "We're running low."

She stole a glance at Sawyer who immediately picked up the hint.

"Need some help, Freckles?" he drawled.

"Sure," she replied, a naughty grin playing on her lips.

"We're leaving in an hour," Jack warned them, not fooled by their little act. He would have put money on them returning without a fruit in sight.

As Jack suspected, Kate and Sawyer had no intention of finding mangoes. They were looking for a nice, secluded spot where they could finally satisfy their hunger for each other.

Finally, unable to wait any longer, Sawyer grabbed Kate by the waist and positioned her back against a tree. Without wasting a second, his lips crashed against hers, their tongues met, their hands feverishly roamed all over each others' bodies.

"Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he asked her when their lungs threatened to explode.

"Why don't you show me?" she replied suggestively.

Sawyer smiled naughtily and was about to kiss her again when they heard a noise in the bushes behind them.

"Well, well, if it isn't my friend James!" a familiar voice suddenly said.

Recognising the Other they referred to as 'the bearded man', Sawyer dropped his head and sighed.

"Unbelievable," he muttered dejectedly before looking over his shoulder and seeing their old 'friend'. But he wasn't alone. With him, a group of about 25 people, survivors of flight 815. Amongst them… Walt.

"Mr Sawyer! Kate!" Walt exclaimed before they could say anything. "Where's my dad?"

Stepping away from Sawyer, Kate graciously filled the boy in. The survivors quickly decided to join the rest of the party immediately. The two lovers stayed behind, waiting for all the others to go past them.

"I didn't think you'd make it," Cindy told Sawyer as she came about them.

"I guess I had a good reason to, after all," he replied, glancing at Kate. The tenderness was apparent in his eyes and Kate felt a rush of love for him.

Everyone had gone now and Sawyer took a step to follow them. Why work up an appetite when there was no time to eat, he figured? But Kate grabbed his hand.

"We'll find a way," she said, looking as disappointed as he was. They shared a meaningful smile and then, hand in hand, they followed the group.

"Dad!!!"

"Walt!!!"

The father and son fell into each other's arms and the group watched the emotional family reunion in silence.

"Are you okay, son?" Michael was finally able to ask through his tears of joy.

Walt nodded.

"Yes, dad, I'm fine. They said that we can be together now. I can go back to the beach with you."

Michael raised questioning eyes to the man who had brought his son back to him.

"This is the truth, Michael," the man confirmed, "You're now ready to be a father. Take him, and all those we had taken, back to your camp. A new life awaits you."

"Then we're leaving right now," Michael declared, gazing at Jack, who nodded.

"Of course, Michael. We'll see you there later."

"Oh, just one more thing, Michael," the man who had been nicknamed 'Zeke' suddenly said.

Michael frowned, but before he could say anything the man shouted:

"Alex!!"

To the castaway's surprise, a brown-haired teenage girl emerged from the bushes, making Sawyer wonder how many of those Others were hidden there, watching them.

"Go with Michael," the man instructed her. "He'll take you to your mother."

Alex seemed to be in shock for a moment, before a smile appeared on her face.

"Her mother?" Locke wondered.

"Danielle Rousseau," the bearded man informed him.

"You took Rousseau's kid? Is that what you do? Take the children away from their parents?" Jack said with obvious disgust.

But the bearded man didn't seem to mind Jack's attitude.

"I'll explain everything in a moment Jack. Right now, I know Michael is anxious to leave."

Michael nodded and, with his hand on his son's shoulder, he exchanged goodbyes with his friends. They didn't know if they'd see one another again, but no one wanted to stretch the adieus longer than necessary. Slowly, one by one, the castaways followed Michael into the bushes.

"Good luck, Alex," the man said.

Alex turned around and gazed at him.

"Thanks, Tom," she said without much warmth before turning her back to him and disappearing from their view.

"So, Jack, you want to know why we took Alex?" the man Alex had called Tom began when everybody had sat down.

"Yes, and Claire, too, while you're at it," Jack said curtly.

"Well, you all know why we took Walt, don't you? We took Walt to allow Michael to realise that he could be a father to his son. He needed to be conscious of that, or he'd have lost his child forever."

Tom paused for a second, gazing successively at each of them to make sure they understood. Nobody moved or spoke, so he continued.

"Same thing with Alex. Before Danielle had her, she murdered all her team, including her baby's father, under the pretext of some illness. Well, no such thing exists on this island. Tell me, Jack, how could we leave such a woman to take care of an infant? We took Alex, waiting for Danielle to show us proof she could provide what her daughter needed."

"And it took 16 years???" Sawyer exclaimed in disbelief.

"Yes," Tom confirmed. "Until you came on this island, she had no one to interact with. We couldn't know for sure she was ready. Now... we know."

"Were you afraid Claire would harm the baby?" Kate asked.

"Well, Kate, even though we knew Claire had planned to give him up... We weren't afraid she'd harm him. But we knew that letting her deliver the baby in the middle of the jungle wasn't the safest way to go. So we took her, planning on keeping them with us afterwards. They would have been more comfortable with us anyway, you know."

Ignoring a dubious look from Jack, the man added:

"When she escaped, we decided to let her go, but to keep a close eye on her. We sent Ethan to do that... But we didn't know he had fallen for Claire. He couldn't stand the idea of letting her go. He went crazy."

"That's why he killed Steve," Sawyer said.

"That's Scott. Steve is alive," Locke retorted absently.

"You know, I'm still wondering what does it have to do with you anyway. Why did you have to get mixed up in our lives?" Jack asked.

"I've told you before," Tom explained patiently. "This island is very special. It brings people here from time to time to fix them. Then they leave. We don't want you here, we're helping so you'll go sooner. This island is _our_ safe haven."

"How could an island possibly take a plane down?" Kate wondered, puzzled.

Tom smiled.

"You remember Desmond, do you?" Kate nodded, so he continued, "Well, he was in the hatch for three years, I believe you know that. One day, he didn't push the button on time. The powerful electromagnetic field surrounding the island was released at the exact time your plane flew over the island. And it caused it to break apart and crash."

"It's just a coincidence, then," Jack pointed out.

Tom shook his head.

"No. There are no coincidences here, Jack. You should know this by now."

"Why isn't this island on any map?" Eko wanted to know.

"Because this electromagnetic field works as a shield... it's like this island is in a snowglobe. That's why your raft came right back."

Eko had another question.

"When we disabled the security system, the sky seemed brighter… I guess it means the snowglobe is no more, is that right, Tom?"

Tom smiled approvingly at Eko.

"You're right, Eko. Now, planes and boats can see the island. When you go back to your camp, you can radio for help again. This time, they'll hear."

Kate and Sawyer exchanged a look. They both knew it was now totally out of the question to go back to their beach. They would have to find a way to escape, and soon.

"When you leave, the security system will be reset and we'll be hidden again," Tom added.

A silence followed these words, everyone trying to grasp the implications of them. After a while, Tom stared at Locke, who had been strangely silent through all the explanations.

"So, John, have you made your decision?" he asked to the castaways' surprise, except John's.

Not faltering, Locke replied:

"Yes," he confirmed. "I'm coming with you."

It was like Jack had been stabbed.

"What?? What do you mean, John?" he exclaimed. "You want to stay with _them_?"

He just couldn't believe it.

"Yes, that's exactly what I want, Jack," Locke replied serenely. "This island… I've never felt more at home, more comfortable anywhere. I feel alive, I feel… I feel whole. This is where I was supposed to be. This is my destiny, Jack."

Long seconds passed during which no one dared speak; would Jack once again try to decide what was best for someone else?

"Are you sure it's what you want, John?" he asked rather calmly.

Locke smiled a little, seeming almost proud.

"Yes, Jack, it's what I want."

"Then… good luck, John."

In a move that would have been surprising not that long ago, Jack and John shook hands and even hugged briefly. It was obvious both men had a lot of respect for one another. Eko followed, exchanging a few words and a handshake with the man he had a one main thing in common with: faith.

Then it was Kate's turn and she made it quick. She knew she would never see John again and it saddened her. There had been a time in her life when she used to leave the people she cared about without regrets, but that time was gone. She and John had never been that close; but they had been through a lot and she had always respected him. She was glad he had found what he was looking for out of life.

Sawyer was the last one to shake Locke's hand.

"Well, never though you'd find yourself friends as… strange as you are" he said, smirking. As he had made a habit of, Locke chuckled, not offended at all. "Glad you found what you wanted," Sawyer added, now serious.

"I wouldn't have found peace without you, James, I've told you before. And… I'm proud of you, you know. You'll make a great husband to Kate," Locke said with a grin.

"Husband? Well, we're not there yet," Sawyer replied, taken aback. He was glad Kate was out of earshot. The idea that Kate could decide to spend her entire life with him, to commit to him, seemed preposterous to him. Not that he wouldn't give everything he had for that to happen, but he was having a hard time believing it could.

"You're closer to being ready than you think, James. Your love is strong. Have faith in it."

As Sawyer pondered over Locke's answer, Tom spoke again.

"Time to go, John. They have more to do," he said, referring to Eko, Jack, Kate and Sawyer.

Smiling and not looking back, John followed Tom.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

When Sawyer opened his eyes the next morning, he was disappointed, but not surprised, to see the empty space by his side. Glancing around him, he noticed Eko was the only one there. Kate and Jack were nowhere in sight.

Sawyer sighed and closed his eyes again. He was a total jerk.

The previous night, the group had walked a couple of hours after Locke had followed Tom. Then, they had made camp. But during all that time, Sawyer had been haunted with Locke's words. John believed Kate loved him enough to vow to spend her life with him, but he was having a hard time sharing his belief.

Kate loved him, yes, but what if it changed once they got off the island? What if she met someone else? Sawyer knew he was being ridiculous. Kate hadn't given him her heart lightly. But a part of him was still unable to admit that.

After a frugal dinner, the party had settled down to get a few hours of sleep. Naturally, Kate had laid down close to him. Both of them on their sides, they had faced each other.

_"You look preoccupied," she'd said, concerned. _

"No, I'm not," he had replied more coldly than he'd wished he had.

"Ever since John left you've seemed bothered. Did he say something to you again?" she'd tried once more, putting her hand on his forearm.

"Look, nothing happened, so quit asking!" had been his answer.

At that moment, he was exasperated, mostly with himself. Why did he have to be such a moron? To take his insecurity out on her?

_"James, I know something is wrong, so talk to-" _

"Look, I don't have to tell you everything! Just leave me alone, damn it!" he had exploded before jerking his arm away from her reach on rolling onto his back.

Kate had stared at him for a couple of seconds, a precious lapse of time he could have used to apologize. If he had, on the spot, he wouldn't be alone right now. But he just hadn't been ready to. He needed to think and he couldn't do that when she was so damn close.

So he had pushed her away, even though he had promised himself he'd never do that again. She had been hurt, obviously, and that explained why she was absent at the moment.

"Good morning, James," Eko suddenly said.

Sawyer slowly sat up.

"Where's Kate?" he asked.

"She and Jack went to get some mangoes," Eko informed him.

Praying 'getting mangoes' wasn't a new code name for sex, Sawyer looked down and sighed once more. He hated that she had gone to Jack after fighting with him. And after a night of uneasy sleep, he realised one thing: he had to set things right with Kate. She loved him and he loved her. He had to have faith in that.

As he stared blankly at Eko, Sawyer suddenly noticed the cross he was wearing around his neck. And it gave him an idea.

"I heard you were a priest. Is that right?" he asked.

Eko smiled widely in response as he touched his cross.

"Yes," he simply replied.

Before Sawyer could say anything, they heard rustling in the bushes. Kate and Jack were back.

Sawyer glanced at her bashfully, but Kate avoided meeting his gaze. Jack tossed he and Eko a mango each.

"We should go right away if we want to be there before sunset," he declared.

Nobody objected and they went on their way, Jack, Kate and Sawyer impatient  
to find out if this day was going to bring them what they were looking for.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Since they had resumed their journey towards the Tailies' beach, Kate had avoided Sawyer, chatting with both Jack and Eko while he was trailing behind.

She shunned him, but at the same time all she wanted was to be near him again and make things right between them. Even if she had only glanced briefly at him, she knew he was ready to apologize to her.

But she was hurt and she didn't hate the idea of making him suffer just a little while longer.

She knew he loved her, but she had yet to understand why he'd pushed her away like he had. Sawyer was a man of frequent mood swings, she was fully aware of that, but she couldn't help feeling hurt and scared. What if he decided he didn't want to be with her anymore? Kate just couldn't find any valid reason why he'd have such a sudden change of heart. What had she done? Everything was just fine between them before Walt and the others had returned… All she knew for sure is that she wasn't going to be the one to take the first step towards reconciliation. No, that was something he would have to learn to do for himself.

From the corner of her eye, she could see him stealing glances at her from time to time. He didn't know how to approach her, maybe he was worried she'd push him away in front of Jack? The thought made her smile tenderly. Maybe she could give the guy a chance.

So she slowed down her pace, letting the distance between her and Jack and Eko increase. Only seconds later, she felt his hand on her arm.

"Kate…" he said huskily.

She stopped walking, but remained silent and waited. Sawyer pressed his lips together, something he often did when he was unsure what to do.

"I'm sorry," he finally said as his apologetic eyes met with hers. "It's just that… sometimes I still can't believe how you could love a guy like me."

It broke Kate's heart to realise just how insecure he was. He had to understand, once and for all, what he meant to her. She took a step towards him and cupped his face with her hands.

"A guy like you? Are you insane? How could I not love you?" she said, speaking very clearly. "I've never met anyone as amazing as you are. I'm a murderer, but yet when I look into your eyes, I… I feel like the most incredible person on the planet. I know that you'd do anything for me..." Kate's voice broke as Sawyer's emotion became apparent. "When you push me away, I get so scared it's for good…"

She hadn't finished her sentence when they were in each other's arms and kissing like there was no tomorrow.

"Kate," Sawyer said when their lips parted at last, "Will you marry me?"

She was taken aback, looking at him with widened eyes, but a smile slowly creeping up on her lips.

"What?"

"You heard me," Sawyer repeated, his dimples showing. "Let's get married today. What do you say?"

Kate took a few seconds to take in the question. He wanted to marry her! That was probably the last question she would have expected from him after he had shut her out the previous night. But yet, the answer she was about to give him seemed to her as natural as if she had been waiting for years for him to ask her that one question.

She smiled, beaming. Her eyes locked into his blue ones, she replied firmly:

"Yes… Yes, I will marry you."

As he heard her answer, Sawyer grinned widely and kissed her deeply, fervently. Kate knew what he had in mind at the moment; she felt the same desire burning inside of her. As she decided to give in, the couple heard Jack calling for them.

Once again fighting their urges, Kate and Sawyer reluctantly let go of one another and headed towards their companions.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It took less time than expected for the group to reach the beach where the tail of the plane had crashed. Being able to count on a few more hours of sunlight, Jack decided that he wanted to unbury his father and begin the journey back without wasting any time.

As Jack and Eko built a stretcher, Kate and Sawyer looked for a tarp and for pieces of wood that could be used as shovels. When everything was done, Eko showed Jack his father's grave. Everyone stood by it for a moment, each reflecting on how hard it was to lose a loved one, especially in violent circumstances.

Sawyer was glad he'd had the chance to tell Jack about his father's feelings for him, to give him some peace. The doctor wasn't a bad man, he had always known it even though they'd had many disagreements. So when Jack reached for a so-called shovel, Sawyer stopped him.

"Eko and I will do it, Doc."

Jack stood tall in front of him, ready to stand his ground.

"It's my father, Sawyer," he replied coldly.

But Sawyer stayed very calm.

"No son should ever have to see his father's dead body like this, Jack," he said quietly.

His kind words, doubled with the use of his real name, for once, seemed to make Jack freeze. He suddenly seemed exhausted. For over two months he had been, as Sawyer liked to say, the 'hero' for the whole group, but now he felt like giving in. Like letting someone else help him, be strong for him.

"Okay," he replied, emotion lacing his voice. "Thanks… James."

At the mention of his own first name, Sawyer felt as Jack just had. All he could do was nod, knowing that from now on things would be different between them.

As Sawyer and Eko dug, Jack and Kate sat on the beach in silence. Kate could imagine what Jack was thinking about and she felt she shouldn't invade on that moment. So she focused on what was on her own mind.

Would she and Sawyer ever get the chance they were waiting for? She was getting a little desperate. Should they just stay there on that beach, letting the doctor and the priest cross the island without them? She didn't have any answer to those questions and it drove her crazy.

Finally, Christian Shepard's body was wrapped in a tarp on the stretcher, ready to go back to camp. Kate and Jack stood up as Sawyer and Eko came to them. Strangely in such a time, Eko was smiling widely.

"So, it seems I have a wedding to celebrate?" he asked Kate who looked down, feeling a bit uneasy at the idea of Jack witnessing such a thing. But she felt his hand on her shoulder and raised her eyes to meet his.

"You two are made for each other, Kate. It's… fate," he said honestly, his eyes nonetheless showing a hint of regret.

Tears invaded Kate's eyes as she hugged him. Jack's acceptance of her feelings for Sawyer meant a lot to her. He had been such friend, such a rock for her since the crash that the last thing she would have wanted was to hurt him. There even had been a time when she thought she could have loved him... But that time had passed, what seemed like a life time ago.

As she let go of the doctor, Kate caught sight of Sawyer standing a few feet away, dirty and sweaty but looking at her with such love that she felt her heart swell. Like there was no one else there but them, she walked towards him and took his hands in hers.

They stayed that way all the time Eko spoke. And when he finally pronounced them husband and wife, the kiss they shared was beyond intense, beyond passionate. It simply was the best kiss a woman could ever dream of.

Kate was still in Sawyer's arms, wishing Jack and Eko could disappear for a couple of hours when she heard Jack gasp.

"Can you see this?! There's... a sailboat out there!"

That was probably the only thing Jack could have said to make her and Sawyer let go of each other. The newly married couple turned to scrutinize the ocean. Jack was telling the truth: a sailboat was coming towards them.

Kate and Sawyer exchanged a knowing glance: their moment had come. Without an hesitation, Jack and Sawyer removed their shoes and shirts, secured their guns into the waistband of their jeans and went into the water.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As he swam back to the beach, Sawyer could hardly repress his smile. He and Kate were going to make it after all, he was now convinced of it.

Moments later, he and Jack finally stood in front of Kate and Eko again. Kate seemed restless, impatient to know what they'd found.

"Who's on that boat?" she asked eagerly, having noticed a third silhouette on the deck with them.

Jack was the one who answered.

"It's Desmond," he revealed to Kate's surprise. "He was the man who lived in the hatch before we opened it," he then explained for Eko's benefit.

Sawyer was unable to detach his eyes from Kate as the news sank in. And when she finally gazed at him, he saw something he had never seen before in her eyes: hope.

That obviously didn't go unnoticed by Jack who continued:

"We have a plan, Kate."

Quickly, Jack explained how, now that the island wasn't in a snow globe anymore, the sailboat could finally leave. Desmond had agreed to take she and Sawyer aboard and would then take them wherever they wanted to go.

"But what about you and Eko? And the rest of the survivors?" Kate wondered.

"Well, according to Tom if we call for help with our radio they'll be able to hear us. If they don't, if Desmond doesn't hear that we've been rescued within a week, he'll call the authorites. They'll find us, Kate. Don't worry."

Kate still seemed to be preoccupied, and Sawyer could tell what it was. She was probably gearing herself up for more running, more hiding.

"Kate," he said softly. She looked at him and he explained, "We have a plan. You won't have to run anymore."

"What? How? I know the marshal is dead, but they'll still be searching for me..."

"We'll tell them you and Sawyer died, Kate. That you couldn't face the prospect of running again. And... Sawyer could find the strength to go on without you..."

"I have some money under false IDs, Freckles," Sawyer said as he cupped her face. "We'll be fine, I promise."

Finally reassured, Kate grinned. But that smile quickly faded away when she realised it was time to leave the friends and the island she had grown to care deeply about over the last months.

Kate hugged Jack again before turning to Eko. While she spoke to the black man, Sawyer and his former rival shook hands amicably. They didn't need words; they both knew how much respect there was between the two of them.

Sawyer then faced Eko, the man who had repeatedly stood up to Ana-Lucia to save his life. To bring him back to Kate. For that, he would be eternally grateful.

When the goodbyes were done with, Sawyer took Kate's hand in his and they shared a look. A look that showed they were ready to begin a new chapter in their lives.

Without looking back, they went into the water.


	27. Chapter 27

_When the goodbyes were done with, Sawyer took Kate's hand in his and they shared a look. A look that showed they were ready to begin a new chapter in their lives._

Without looking back, they went into the water.

**Chapter 27**

_2 minutes later…_

"This place sure is beautiful," Desmond stated as the island became smaller and smaller to them, "but I'm not going to miss it for one minute."

Getting no answer from Kate or from Sawyer, Desmond turned around. The pair were in a tight embrace, kissing avidly, seemingly unaware of his presence. He sighed. This was going to be a long trip…

"Ok guys, just go downstairs for a while and get it out of your systems," he told them. This time, they heard him perfectly and broke their kiss. Kate smiled shyly at him, as though she wanted him to know she usually wasn't this kind of girl, while Sawyer just couldn't tear his eyes off her.

As they disappeared inside the boat, Desmond couldn't help but feel envious of them. He had once loved someone like that, but he had lost her. Maybe one day he'd get the chance to find such love again, but for now he knew what he had to do.

He'd make sure those two got the chance to be together forever.

_2 days later… _

Exhausted, Jack and Eko finally stepped back on 'their' beach. It was late afternoon and there wasn't much activity around, everyone staying in the shade to escape the heat. 

But as the two tired men put down the stretcher, Charlie noticed them and ran over.  
"You're back!" he exclaimed before looking expectantly behind them and frowning. "Where are the others?" His eyes then fell on the stretcher and he seemed in shock. "Who's…" he began, unable to finish.

"It's my father, Charlie."

Charlie seemed lost but relieved for a second before wondering:

"What about Kate, Sawyer and Locke?"

Jack took a second before replying. He hated lying to those people he had gone through so many things with. But Kate's safety depended on his ability to lie. Maybe in a few years, he could contact those who had been closer to them, Sayid, Charlie, Claire, Hurley, Sun and Jin to tell them their friends were fine. But for now he had to lie the best he could.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. Locke decided to stay with the Others, but Kate and Sawyer... are gone."

"Gone? You mean..."

Jack put a soothing hand on Charlie's shoulder and nodded. Devastated, Charlie didn't ask anymore questions and left them to go back to Claire. The news would spread rapidly and it suited Jack just fine; lying repeatedly about good friends' deaths wasn't something he'd have enjoyed doing.

Jack then went to Sayid, who was chatting with Michael. The men quickly hugged, glad to have the chance to see each other again but sad to know it wouldn't be the case with Kate, Sawyer and Locke.

Quickly, Jack explained how Tom had told them they could now radio for help and they'd finally be heard. While Sayid went to retrieve the radio from his tent, Michael spoke in a low voice so no one would overhear him:

"I guess Kate and Sawyer found a way to leave this place before the authorities came."

He was smiling hugely as he said that and Jack knew Michael didn't believe in their deaths. The island had given each of them, each of the six what they wanted, he was certain of that. Jack answered by way of a smile but, even though he knew he could trust him, didn't say a word.

The two understood each other perfectly and that was all that mattered.

Sayid had successfully called for help and a frenzy had taken hold of the castaways. People were packing, exchanging phone numbers... the excitement was palpable.

But Jack was much quieter as he reflected on the last two months and what might lie ahead.

On this island, he had found himself. Understood how and why his personal life had been going nowhere. Why his work had overtaken his whole life. It was a more peaceful man now packing the few things he wanted to take with him. A few items of clothing, the key to the marshal's case as a souvenir... Jack's gaze then fell on his father's personal belongings he had found at the hotel. Needing to see a picture of his dad, Jack opened the wallet and stared at the driver's license.

Dr Christian Shephard. His father.

On this island, thanks to Sawyer, Jack had learned that his dad had loved him and had been proud of him until the end. Jack wished he could have talked to his father himself, instead of finding him dead in Australia.

"Hey," he suddenly heard behind him.

He turned around and found Ana-Lucia looking at him, her hands in her back pockets.

"Hi, Ana," Jack replied.

He was still holding the picture in his hand and Ana pointed at it as she asked:

"Is that your dad?"

Jack nodded as he looked down on it.

"Yes, this is him. Dr Christian Shephard," he replied as Ana took a step towards him.

She gasped as she saw the picture.

"What? You know him?" he asked, thinking how nothing could surprise him anymore.

"Yes... I went to Australia with him," she said, still astonished.

Quickly, Ana-Lucia explained how she had met Christian and flown with him to Sydney.

"Jack... I think you might have a half-sister down there," she revealed.

"What???"

Recalling the night she and Christian had driven to the Sydney suburbs, Ana told Jack how his father had wanted to see his daughter but the woman had refused to let him in.

Jack decided he'd go to Sydney as soon as he had a chance. He didn't really know what he'd be expecting from that trip, but it was something he knew he'd have to do, only if to tell his half-sister that her father was a great man, something he now truly believed. Ana gave Jack all the information she had.

"I'm going to go and pack a few things, too. Try to find a souvenir, maybe," she said with her usual mocking smile. "If you ever want to have a tequila and tonic with me, when we're back in L.A... just look me up. I'm in the phone book."

Jack nodded. He didn't know how he'd feel to see Ana-Lucia, or any other of the castaways in the real world, but he wasn't totally closed to the possibility.

As he closed his bag a few minutes later, he heard excited cries. A boat was coming.

Nine weeks ago, his mother had asked him to bring his father back to her.

He was finally going to do just that.

_2 years later…_

From where she was standing, on the porch, Kate could see Sawyer perfectly without him suspecting anything.

Down the path leading to the house, he was speaking with the neighbour's daughter. She was about 8 years old and she came by every chance she got. At first, Sawyer had found her annoying, or at least that's what he used to tell Kate. But now, a few months later, he couldn't hide how glad he was that the little girl had made a good friend of him.

Kate smiled to herself as she recognized how far they had come since leaving the island. After laying low for a while, they had came across this ranch that was for sale. Kate had just fell in love with the place. She loved nature and horses and couldn't imagine them living in a crowded city working 9 to 5 anyway, so she had suggested they buy the place with the money Sawyer had saved from his conning days.

Having learned on the island to love the outdoor and activities such as chopping wood, Sawyer hadn't been too hard to convince. The place was secluded enough to give them privacy, but wasn't too far from the city either. Best of both worlds, they figured.

As she watched her man joke around with the little girl, Kate knew she was happier now than she'd ever been. She had everything she could ever have wanted. Well… not quite.

For a while, she and Sawyer had been talking about having their own kids, but something had been stopping her until now. Even though the FBI seemed to think she was dead, there was always that tiny fear inside of her. What if someone recognised her? That was unlikely, she knew it. No one cared about Kate Austen anymore. The fact that the island wasn't on any map and that no one had ever been able to locate it after the rescue, almost two years prior, had easily eclipsed the fact that a fugitive had found death there.

No, she was free for good, she had to believe it. And seeing how good Sawyer was with kids, having seen in his eyes just how badly he wanted some with her… She now felt like it was time for them to start their own family. She believed they could now give their children what they hadn't had the chance to have: a happy childhood.

"What are you smiling at, Freckles?"

Kate was startled. Lost in her daydreaming, she hadn't noticed him come to her.

"I don't know," she replied, grinning even more.

"Wrong answer," Sawyer said as he encircled her waist with his strong hands and smiled at her devilishly. "Tell me or… or… or else."

"Or you'll make dinner?" she teased.

"Every night of the week," he replied playfully.

Kate pretended to be scared.

"I'd better tell you, then."

"Yeah, you better," he approved.

"I was starting to think we should begin to put all that practice to good use," she said as she seductively ran her fingers on the nape of his neck.

Getting the idea, Sawyer became serious.

"You mean… kids?" he said in a low voice, as though he was having a hard time believing this could be true.

As a response, Kate leaned in and kissed him languidly, leaving him breathless.

"I've got to repair the fence before dinner," he said, but not moving an inch.

Kate grinned widely.

"I already did."

For a second he seemed surprised, but then he rolled his eyes as if he wondered why he'd even be. A dimpled smile appeared on his face as he looked at her lovingly.

"You were right, Freckles."

"About what?" she whispered.

"I've never been with any girl exactly like you."

"Is that a good thing?" she wondered, beaming.

"A very good thing," he replied before kissing her again.

THE END

Thanks to everyone who read this story! 

I just posted a new Skate fic, if you're interested. It's called One Night Could Change Everything

**Summary:** _What if Sawyer and Kate had met before becoming murderers? Sawyer is about to fly to Australia while Kate prepares to blown up Wayne… and then they meet._


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